Hi,

We had another counseling session tonight. The counselor took the gloves off. He told my husband that he is an alcohalic and that his parents are super enablers.

He told him that nothing can be done to save his marriage or his life for that matter unless he decides to stop drinking. He told my husband that his recomendation is a 30 - 60 day rehab with no contact with his parents. My husband said that is out of the question and the counselor said then go outpatient and AA.

My husband got angry and said what about her, when are you going to start treating her for anger management. The counselor then said this marriage is like a seesaw, there is an elephant(him) on one side and a sparrow on the other. It is not level to begin with. He said until you take care of the drinking and your parents nothing else will be resolved.

My husband started yelling she needs anger management, what is she going to do for me. The counselor looked at him and said she is going to stay married to you, for that alone you should be grateful. Then he said okay and asked me, if he works a program, and puts a lot of distance between his parents and your marriage for 90 days, and you are still angry, will you consider some anger sessions. Then he told my husband that at this point he does not see my anger as a problem, he says I am reacting to the insanity around me. But if we still see me reacting in 90 days would I consider it. I said I agreed.

He ended the session telling my husband that he has some work and decisions to make. He told him to grow up, get away from Mommy and Daddy, get yourself sober and count your blessings that you have a wife who loves you enough to still want to work at this marriage. He told him that he is sick and needs help and that he was slowly killing himself and hurting at least 7 other innocent people in the process.

I took my own car tonight as I believed my husband to be drinking. The councilor told him he believed him to be drinking, and my husband kept insisting he wwasn't, and the councilor told him that better people than him had lied to him and tried to fool him, he said the only one you may be fooling is yourself.

He scheduled us for another appointment next week and then told my husband he doubted he would be seeing him again, since he didn't tell him what he wanted to hear. My husband got angry and started saying that son of a you know what thinks he is so smart, that he knows me, I'll be there just to prove him wrong.

I guess thats one way to keep him going back.

I don't know what happens next, but he was mad when we left. He didn't like what he heard tonight, and there was nothing subtle about it. I guess now I sit back and wait.

No matter what a stranger who he chose layed it all on the line for him. I'm sure his parents will make excuses or blame me, but he heard it. I saw the look of complete disbelief that anyone would spell it out so bluntly in his eyes.

Okay, I guess I am finally ready to let go and let God. There is nothing else I can do. Except pray that maybe this time some of it sinks in.

                           Love Jeannie

Hi Jeannie - WOW - the counselor really layed it on the line to the a. If he heard that his life is at stake maybe this time it will really be different. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Your courage amazes me. Keep it up and know that your Higher Power is in charge. Love - Dot (((((((((((((Jeannie))))))))))))

-- Edited by dot at 09:16, 2005-05-13

WOW!!!! Can I have that counselor's name and phone #?!?! My prayers are with you that hubby keeps on going with you. Love TLC

(((((Jeannie)))))

I like this councelor more every time you post.  I think that he is terrific.  You sure do have alot of courage to keep going.  Many councelors would have ended the sessions as soon as the alcoholism was determined as they often say that the alcoholism would need to be dealt with first of all. You are truely a wonderful strong woman to deal with all that you do.

I have been thinking alot about your post about the garden and weeds.  Well what I was thinking that god gives us weeds to get us out and back to nature. 

I think of you and your children often and wish you the best.

Love JJ

Jeannie,

(((((((((hugs))))))))) I am so happy to see that the counselor finally told it like it is. What a wise person. You keep taking care of you. There is not much more you can do. It is up to your husband now to make his choices. I will keep saying prayers for you and your family. God Bless. cdb

dearest Jeannie, I wrote ya a long note and it went away... I wanted to say I have seen you doing really well. Since the counseling thought, I see you not feeling as well. It is so good this counselor is a tough love sorta person. This is what the A needs. But what of you? I sure related about your vehicle. I am so sorry that happened. I have been there and don't allow my A near my truck. He can barely use a hammer anymore. Jeannie don't forget to do for you. I know it is so hard to do it all. But if you allow him to do anything it seems to take more from you than help. I believe in you.I have seen you go thru so much and you are still strong. Buit if you don't rely on the A, or have him in your life, I support you. You have many wonderful kids who need you to be happy and ok. You are indeed an inspiration. love,debilyn

Jeannie, thanks for the update.  It seems you have done ALL you can do to make this marriage work.  The choices are now up to your A.  The counsellor was wonderful.  I actually wonder what your A thought he would say...they really are clueless.  This is like a breath of fresh air.  Keep us posted.  Love and prayers to your and your family.  Annie