Working on me, focusing on my feelings I am wondering what makes me think I am stronger than I am? I am very happy with the way my home is. My sanctuary is doing well, I am not feeling overwhelmed. Then someone calls about a rescue and can I help? I want to say no. But she says she will have to put the animal down if I don't take it. I think that is dirty pool. Of course I take this beast. She is a huge red farm pig who is like having a rhino on my place. She is tearing my place apart. I am not taking this well. Havintg a compromised emotional status as it is, this is hard. I am out trying to put fences back up with hands that I am losing the ability to even use anymore. I want to stop offering to help. Some llamas were lose. I said I immediately told the gal I would go get them. Well thank you hp that someone else got them. What in the world posessed me to offer? I wanted to slap myself. My serenity is compromised when I take on more than I can do. Maybe I had to get this miserable to stop saying yes. I have people working on getting this huge pig out of here. Of course I get sad at my A becuz he is not here. Here I am alone on five acres that was meant to be shared. I have no idea what the A is doing. All I know is he is not here, and he has not called for seven days. Ya see I am way past the anger, or resentment. I don't care what drug he is on, I just miss him. He will always have the disease, I just miss even looking at him. thank you for allowing me to vent. My darn computer is still not working right so I cannot do email. Makes me even more lonely. I know things will be ok though. love,debilyn

Hello , I know what you mean i usually do the same thing. Have double saying "No" and take on to much and feel sorry for myself when I cant cope.  Things usually work out though one way or another.  I also miss my A  even though he's not very nice most of the time.  Just have faith, things will pick up.

hi Debilyn,

I did the same thing yesterday - "rescued". ok I figure if I do it enough I'll stop. Getting close, too. Running out of time what with taking care of myself. I guess that's the point. I am figuring what events "pay me back" nurture me etc. Then I am concentrating on those (well that's my plann). I am praying for the awareness to go with what works for me.

Good luck to you in Eden.

Jill

Dear Debilyn,

I read the saddness in your post. I am so sorry.

I wish I could come give you a hand with all the critters!

I wish I could come give that hubby of yours a kick in the butt !

I pray to HP to take away your pain, physical and emotional.

Never feel alone, you have all your friends here who send you love and lots of TLC!!

 

Oh Debilyn I never cease to be amazed at how well you are doing.  You are a truly amazing woman and an inspiration to us all.  But sweetheart, just how many pigs can one deal with in one go!!!  I can't imagine anything worse than chasing after a pig/rhino, but you will look back on this and see the funny side.  Thank god for a sense of humour.

When I'm caught by surprise by someone asking me do something I try really hard to "Stop and Think".  [what would we do without the Slogans].  A good one for me is to say - 'I'll check my diary and get back to you'. 

Sorry you are having a bad day but I know you will bounce back.  Thinking of you and that red farm tyrant.....      with love,     Sheila