Thank you so much to all of you for your wonderful, encouraging words. I realize I'm not alone, and that means alot.
He contacted me this morning via e-mail. He said he has had a really tough emotional week, and was going to get away for the weekend. He also said he was going to call me on Sunday or Monday. What do I make of this? I want to have hope that this can work between us, but I don't want to fool myself. I know he needs to fix himself. I don't want to continue with false hope that he and I can be an *us* again. Has anybody out there been in a similar situation. Have you come together with your partner again? Why is he contacting me? Is it to ease his guilt, let me down easily? Is it because he honestly cares? Is it best for me, and him, not to speak to each other? Is it possible that he still hopes that we can find each other again?
I break down in tears at any given moment, and I know that will happen for a long time. I need to find myself again, find my strength. Thank you to all of you. I have begun to find my strength already. Knowing that there are others who understand helps tremendously. I still love him and I'm still in love with him. That's the toughest part of all of this.
Thank you for listening.
M
sanddie said
May 6, 2005
Hi Brat:
I understand the pain you go through with breaking from a relationship in which you love someone so much, yet continue to have conflict with eachother.
The on/off relationship I was in for 3 years were all the same feelings you described, UNTIL it got to the point where we both realized how whenever we came back together within a couple of months we'd begin to hurt eachother again because of each of our individual issues. :((( We both tried so hard to deal with our emotions individually, but unfortunately were both weak in dealing with our own issues and in turn it came out in so much tension in our relationship at times..... I love him so much and ALWAYS will. He said something to me during the last time we had a 2 month split and then talked again-- of course, our feelings for eachother were there and I'll NEVER forget how we stood by a lake and just held eachother without saying a word with tears.... :((( Both of us knowing that we were up once again for something that was bound to fail because of my expectations and his expectations conflicting and both of us not being strong enough.
He said to me as we talked with tears in his eyes.... why do you come back into my life? I'll never forget how he said that-- it made me realize that he was hurting as much as me with all the things we do to eachother.... He continued to say to me, it hurts terribly to see me and never know what to expect in our relationship--- I understood EXACTLY what he meant and so, we tried again for about 4 months it lasted and with each time we were back together we'd hurt eachother a bit more until the final breakup. I KNEW with this last breakup in January what I had to do was to have NO contact whatsoever with him and him with me. I avoid going around where him and I used to work, in which he still works and although I have friends I had made at that company, I chose to lose contact with them BECAUSE he still has to work there and I know the pain he feels worsens when I am around. I love him enough to let him be happy with someone else who may very well accept his lifestyle as an alcoholic.... It hurts at times because I miss him, but that is what God is there for..... to help me through so I will trust completley in Him by continuing to pray for myself and my ex a.
You have to be sure what it is you want... You either choose a life to accept the behavior of another and learn how best to cope with it so it least affects you OR you choose to walk away allowing both of you the opportunity to live a life with someone who is more accepting to eachothers lifestyles? Make Sense?
I guess I can talk from his side because I struggled in being in the relationship due to not wanting to hurt eachother no longer and often would contact my ex to see how he was doing. However, as I mentioned above, it wasn't until he expressed to me how much it hurt him to come in and out of his life that I finally realized how much I was hurting him too and chose to let go... Primarily because I did not want to live my life in a bar, nor live the entire alcoholic lifestyle of ignoring emotions and feelings... I worked hard to get from never talking and pushing my feelings away to go backwards.
The past is just that-- the past, we can learn from it and be who we are today because of it.... That is what I choose to do and the BEST part about it is, I can ALWAYS love my ex and keep that love and memory in my heart.
Take Care!
abbyal said
May 6, 2005
Hello Brat : ) first i'ts ok to love an Alcoholic . Who knows whats going on in his mind , I doubt if he even knows. You have to get your life back on track , please go to our program for yourself. your worth the effort.
Alcoholics play this game of come here , go away type of relationship. i don't think they even know they are playing. it just works for them. Get the focus back on yourself the only person u can change is yourself. learn to set some boundaries for your relationship so that u do not always end up on the hurting end.
They are what they are, they do what they do , (drink) and we have to accept that (or not) we always have choices as to how we are willing to live our lives. I only know that if we continue to do what we have always done, were going to get what we always got! absolutily nothing changes til " someone "changes.
kismetstrand said
May 6, 2005
Welcome (((((m))))) glad you are here. Just wanted to share a little poem I wrote when I was in a somewhat similiar circumstance of needing to step back and just be "friends" with the man I loved.
Thank you so much to all of you for your wonderful, encouraging words. I realize I'm not alone, and that means alot.
He contacted me this morning via e-mail. He said he has had a really tough emotional week, and was going to get away for the weekend. He also said he was going to call me on Sunday or Monday. What do I make of this? I want to have hope that this can work between us, but I don't want to fool myself. I know he needs to fix himself. I don't want to continue with false hope that he and I can be an *us* again. Has anybody out there been in a similar situation. Have you come together with your partner again? Why is he contacting me? Is it to ease his guilt, let me down easily? Is it because he honestly cares? Is it best for me, and him, not to speak to each other? Is it possible that he still hopes that we can find each other again?
I break down in tears at any given moment, and I know that will happen for a long time. I need to find myself again, find my strength. Thank you to all of you. I have begun to find my strength already. Knowing that there are others who understand helps tremendously. I still love him and I'm still in love with him. That's the toughest part of all of this.
Thank you for listening.
M
Hi Brat:
I understand the pain you go through with breaking from a relationship in which you love someone so much, yet continue to have conflict with eachother.
The on/off relationship I was in for 3 years were all the same feelings you described, UNTIL it got to the point where we both realized how whenever we came back together within a couple of months we'd begin to hurt eachother again because of each of our individual issues. :((( We both tried so hard to deal with our emotions individually, but unfortunately were both weak in dealing with our own issues and in turn it came out in so much tension in our relationship at times..... I love him so much and ALWAYS will. He said something to me during the last time we had a 2 month split and then talked again-- of course, our feelings for eachother were there and I'll NEVER forget how we stood by a lake and just held eachother without saying a word with tears.... :((( Both of us knowing that we were up once again for something that was bound to fail because of my expectations and his expectations conflicting and both of us not being strong enough.
He said to me as we talked with tears in his eyes.... why do you come back into my life? I'll never forget how he said that-- it made me realize that he was hurting as much as me with all the things we do to eachother.... He continued to say to me, it hurts terribly to see me and never know what to expect in our relationship--- I understood EXACTLY what he meant and so, we tried again for about 4 months it lasted and with each time we were back together we'd hurt eachother a bit more until the final breakup. I KNEW with this last breakup in January what I had to do was to have NO contact whatsoever with him and him with me. I avoid going around where him and I used to work, in which he still works and although I have friends I had made at that company, I chose to lose contact with them BECAUSE he still has to work there and I know the pain he feels worsens when I am around. I love him enough to let him be happy with someone else who may very well accept his lifestyle as an alcoholic.... It hurts at times because I miss him, but that is what God is there for..... to help me through so I will trust completley in Him by continuing to pray for myself and my ex a.
You have to be sure what it is you want... You either choose a life to accept the behavior of another and learn how best to cope with it so it least affects you OR you choose to walk away allowing both of you the opportunity to live a life with someone who is more accepting to eachothers lifestyles? Make Sense?
I guess I can talk from his side because I struggled in being in the relationship due to not wanting to hurt eachother no longer and often would contact my ex to see how he was doing. However, as I mentioned above, it wasn't until he expressed to me how much it hurt him to come in and out of his life that I finally realized how much I was hurting him too and chose to let go... Primarily because I did not want to live my life in a bar, nor live the entire alcoholic lifestyle of ignoring emotions and feelings... I worked hard to get from never talking and pushing my feelings away to go backwards.
The past is just that-- the past, we can learn from it and be who we are today because of it.... That is what I choose to do and the BEST part about it is, I can ALWAYS love my ex and keep that love and memory in my heart.
Take Care!
Hello Brat : ) first i'ts ok to love an Alcoholic . Who knows whats going on in his mind , I doubt if he even knows. You have to get your life back on track , please go to our program for yourself. your worth the effort.
Alcoholics play this game of come here , go away type of relationship. i don't think they even know they are playing. it just works for them. Get the focus back on yourself the only person u can change is yourself. learn to set some boundaries for your relationship so that u do not always end up on the hurting end.
They are what they are, they do what they do , (drink) and we have to accept that (or not) we always have choices as to how we are willing to live our lives. I only know that if we continue to do what we have always done, were going to get what we always got! absolutily nothing changes til " someone "changes.
Welcome (((((m))))) glad you are here. Just wanted to share a little poem I wrote when I was in a somewhat similiar circumstance of needing to step back and just be "friends" with the man I loved.
Relax ` exhale ` float
Feel the calm in the center of your soul
Let it go…let him go…
To where he needs to be
Have faith ` believe ` don’t let go…
Of your dreams and all you hold dear
Go inside ` find your garden
Feel your roots and grasp your stars.
Earth child wearing the moon as your halo
Find your elements again and dance with them
Hold them near, breathe their air.
Relax ` exhale ` float
Let it go…let him go…
To where he needs to be
To be captured we first must be free
For only then can we see
There are no cages in love.
Oh Earth child, you knew this before
And let fear blind you of your sight
Listen to your soul
Hold those arrows high
Don’t barricade inside
You know ` you know `
Relax ` exhale ` float
love it kis!! Thank You I needed that too!
josey