I am still so angry I can scream! We where supposed to go to counseling last night. I rearranged my work schedule and other things to accomodate it.

My husband called me when he got home from work and said his parents had gone to Atlantic City for the day and left him a note. They had called and rescheduled HIS AND MY counseling appointment for next week, because they where not going to be home and the session might upset him, so they didn't want him to go when they where gone.

His gives his mother any appointment cards and she posts them on her fridge like he is a six year old, and the nasty old busy buddy took the number and made the call. It turns out she told the counselor that we asked her to do it for us. I told him unless it is my husband or I doing it, please do not accept anyone elses word from now on.

The part that really makes me furiouse is that my husband sees nothing wrong with what she did. He says she meant well.

I nearly lost it, and got off the phone before I started saying something I might regret, or maybe I wouldn't.

I went out for coffee with a girlfriend and vented royally. Asking her when the senile old witch was going to stop trying to make him wear pampers. And more importantly when will he make her stop!

I know I sound so mean, but I am so sick of them crossing the line, and him defending them. This is the same witch that cancelled the Mayor the day before my Wedding years ago, saying she was me. I then had to run around like a nut to get a replacement as the mayor of our town left early on vacation with his family, since he no longer had a wedding to perform.

Years later my husband still defends her, that she was upset, since he had promised her when he was a teenager that he would never marry. Get over it lady, children grow up.

                                       Love Jeannie

Hi Jeannie!  Sounds like lots of boundary issues here.  And how would I know that????? Been there, done that, over and over!!!!!!!!!!!   Lots of screaming, too!

I don't have any brilliant words of wisdom--just go ahead and do some screaming (if only to yourself or safe people).

I have been brought kicking and screaming to a place where I can now recognise that I have a right to set some limits with people, ask for respect, and value my own judgements.  But we didn't learn that growing up, some of us, so it's very very tricky, getting there!  Thank heavens for the simplicity and clarity of the 12-step programs. I couldn't have got anywhere without them--not even in private therapy, as powerful and helpful as that has been.

Good luck with everything!

love,

seachange

Jeannie, Jeannie, Jeannie...sounds like you married a mommas boy and married the momma too. What a mess. I feel for where you are right now and I can hear your anger. Sooner :)

I have an idea for you Jeannie. Go to a place where no one can hear you, and scream as loud and as long as you want. Then cry. Cry, and cry, and cry. It is amazing what this kind of release will do for you. Sometimes I get into the shower just to have a good cry where no one can hear. I not only emerge clean, my attitude takes a positive tack, and I am good to go. With sincerity, Diva

You don't have to scream, I did it for you!!  Wow, that would make me furious, but you did the right thing telling the counsler not to listen to anyone else from now on.

Your husb doesn't see anything wrong with her crossing these boundaries because she's on his side, so to speak.  If she didn't baby him & sided with you on the drinking issues, he'd then would see it as crossing boundaries. So it's convientent for him, why would he bite the hand that protects him.  Unfortuneately, his mom has crossed lines she should never cross.  She'll probably continue as long as he wants her to.  All you can do is what you already did in this situation.   Just make sure she can't cross boundaries where is pertains to you & only you, you do have control over that.  It's too hard to keep those boundaries when it involves your husband because he lets her in, where she shouldn't be.  

Hello Jeannie,

I am not screaming. I am cheering and happy as can be :) :)  The reason why? YOU Got your hubby out of your house! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEE :) :)  Many people can't even get their hubbys out of their house or their lives. Another thing.....call the counselor and tell him what happened. He will probably recommend you not have sessions togther anymore and you each work on your own. I would put money on this one and I am not a gambler. It is obvious HE and HIS PARENTS are the ones that need the counseling, not you. YOU are the only sane one is this entire picture. YOU are the stable person and the healthiest parent for the kids. If I were you I would document (date and explain objectively) what happened. Short and right  to the point. Just write it like a  police officer would report. This will be another situation that will help you in court with custody of the kids if you ever will need it.

Again,,celebrate now and be grateful that he is not living in your house. Time to use all your emotional energy for you and the kids. IN my opinion, they can have each other and they deserve what they get. I am glad you vent and post here. We all learn from you. your friend, cdb :)

Jeannie, I say this with the utmost respect for you as I have a ton of respect for you and the courage and strength you exibit every day, or in my case every post. Maybe its time that you quit letting them get to you...you are a smart, caring, super mom. I envy you in most all respects with exception of what I preceive is you allowing them to get to you. You know what their about..you also know many parents will do anything say anything to protect their son's interests (honestly don't you have some of these automatic insticts with your own?), right or wrong they look thru foggy glasses. You also know no matter how upset you allow yourself to get, they will be the same. You don't think my mil is very meddeling as well? It seems we have alot in common there. Do I allow her to mess with me? I used to, and it made me stark raving mad. She still throws the punches ocassionally but I just don't place myself in a receiving position any more (meaning I dont care to react). Seems punches are comming less and less these days. I say screw them, you have enough going on with 6 kids. This is between you and hubby, if he decided to allow them to triangulate, then I would conclude that he is not ready for counceling or the responsibilities of a relationship of any level. Why you may ask, because this is not a relationship between you him and mom, its you and him, him and each child. If he don't know this, you really think your getting upset will somehow change him? I suspect it will just ruin "your day". One day he may get this but until then I see you allowing yours elf to be played like a fiddle, they know the buttons and they push emn to get what they desire, not so much what is right or what it is you desire. You spoke of independance the other day, I would be concentrating on that if I were you and ignore the games. Does not giving them the control over your emotions also grant them some control? Sorry for being so direct on my thoughts and I hope you don't feel ill of me for such. Jeannie your a fantastic person and I think the world of ya. I hope you take the path that is good for you and the kids what ever that may be. Your friend (hopefully) Mark S

I would be screamin too jeannie, but sounds like she is running the show . Not a thing u can do about her either. She is after all hubbys mother and until he see's what is going onfor himself nothing will ever change.   Acceptance sounds too simple for this one but afraid it is the only suggestion I can offer.  she is what she is  period.  good luck   hon    Louise

Thank you all for your posts. I feel a lot better. I know I shouldn't let her get to me, just sometimes it is so frustrating.

Mark, I always welcome and respect your opinions. You where blunt and honest and I needed to hear (or read) every word of it. Thank you my friend.

((((all of you)))

Love Jeannie