My husband went to rehab for 30 days---was doing great according to the counselor, really embracing the program they said.  He was really quiet with me on the phone throughout, never really wanted to answer any questions or talk much about home life--this was very difficult for me but...  He was discharged from rehab and said he wanted to decompress for a few days before returning home.  Did not sound like a great idea to me--but I don't have any say anyway.  He seemed to be having a difficult time returning home--for unclear reasons.  Well, he never came home.  Last I heard from him was 48 hrs ago and he said he would be home around midnight.  He will not answer his cell phone or return calls.  I have no idea where he is or what's going on.  His counselor and his friends from rehab are "shocked" as they all say he clearly wanted to return home to his family.

I know I have no control, etc but I am freaking out here.  Trying not to but I am.  He has not been home for nearly 6 weeks--we have 2 small children.  Am I crazy to hope he can get it together??  Still??  He has NEVER abandoned his family before--I can't believe he would do this after rehab.  He has never entered rehab before and it was completely his own decision. 

Has anyone else experienced anything like this before?? 

mom to 2

Mom to 2,

Living with an active drinker/drugger was freaking unreal for me, but living with the post rehab man was even worse.  Especially because I don't understand what he is feeling.

I found the most serenity in letting him go.  that even at a time meant watching him get taken to a psych ward at a hospital hours away from me.  I still don't understand what is going on, but in hind sight now see that my God wanted me to do some self discovry of my own, therefore giving me some time.

I can't promise you that your husband is not out drinking, nor that his sobriety will be forever.  I can promise you that you can get lots of hugs, and strength through alanon, and eventually learn to live your life, and let him go through his struggles on his own.  Only he gets the cravings to drink, so he has to learn how to live sober on his own.  No matter how much education you have on addictions, compassion and love you have for your husband, or patience you have for insanity, you will not be able to help him through this with action.  The best way (for me anyhow) was to pray, pray, pray, and cry cry cry.

Find someone who has been through this, and ask them if you can call when you are feeling insecure.  That is what I did, and the poor woman got called a million times in the beginning, but now she is my saving grace.

Good luck, and keep posting, and go to the chat room

With love in the program

Aron in the mountains (captcodee)

Hello Mom , so sorry u are going thru this, but sobriety is pretty scarry stuff for both parties, I wouldn't want to even try and guess what your hsb is going thru.but I do know for a fact that he is full of guilt and shame and it takes awhile for that too pass. He may or may not be drinking again - there is nothing you can do if he was.

It is so important that u continue on with your recovery , I hope u are attending meetings and have aquired a sponsor to talk this out. If not going to meeting yet Now is the time u  need support from people who understand. Your children deserve one sane parent , and Al-Anon will return some sanity to your life. If no  sitters in your al anon comunity bundle up those kids and take them with you , you need support.  (((((((((hugs)))))))))

Rehab is not the answer to all of lifes problems as your finding out , but it is a great start I. Pray that your husb is well and will return to his home.  Take care of yourself. and you will be fine.    Louise

(((((((((((((Mom))))))))))))))  huge supportive huggs!!!!

I have never been in this situation. I just had this overwhelming urge to reach through the screen and hug you!!

JJ

(((Mom)))

Try and hold yourself together, for your own good as well as the little ones.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope he returns soon, dafe and sober.

                                       Love Jeannie

Hope things work out for the best, that he is safe and sound. The guilt and shame are very real, he may not want to face you. Hard not to be going crazy with fear and anger and anxiety, resentment, all those complicated emotions. Take care of yourself, take care of your kids. This is not a time to give yourself extra stress, please lean on any support you have. Cuddling up with the kids with popcorn and a movie will do more good than worrying will. ((((((hugs))))))

Thanks for the thoughts and hugs.  He did come home--not sober.  Shamed and humiliated.

It's very hard to deal with.  He wants to move forward with recovery.  We'll see.

Thanks again---it's great to have support.

mom to 2