The starter on my van went. I was going to take it into the garage to have it fixed. I was driving my sons car and my husband saw me. Stupid me, when he asked why I was driving that car I told him the truth and told him the car was going into the garage in the morning. It could be started to drive their if I wacked the starter with a hammer and didn't turn it off till I got there.
He showed up with his father and a starter and said he was going to fix the van and I shouldn't waste money. Okay a starter is relatively simple to do and I know he normally could do it.
He must have been drinking some before he got here and had some hidden in his car. All I know is he looked sober when he started and the next thing I knew he was smashed.
The next thing I know he messes up and breaks the clamp that holds the exhaust up and the shield that is in front of the starter. Gets the starter out tells me it is the wrong one and and he has to exchange it.
The van is out on the street up on ramps and he didn't come back. There is no starter, so I can't get it off the ramps. (It is a big old heavy conversion van and we cannot push it down, it may fal as one tire is half off. Added to that the exhaust is now hanging down.
Needless to say he did not come back, but a policeman did with a ticket for a hazard on the street.
I called him to tell him what happened, and he is even drunker, started telling me I was an ungrateful bitch and now I can fix my own &&&& van. And that it is my &^%& ticket, not his problem.
Now I have a ticket to pay. I have to pay a tow truck to take it to the garage and not only do I have to pay to have the starter replaced, but the shield and the clamp on the exhaust as well.
I should have lied, honesty got me this mess.
If I had argued for him not to do it, I would have gotten accused of wasting money and he would have flipped out on me. So to keep the peace I chose to let him do it. The part that really aggravates me is that no matter what I have done to protect myself, and I did set up the appointment at the garage and was taking care of it. I keep having to suffer the consequenses of his drinking. Thanks for letting me vent.
Love Jeannie
bcanuck said
May 4, 2005
{{{Jeannie}}}}
Sounds like you've had a hum dinger of a day. You're right about the not being able to win part that's for sure. Hopefully tomorrow things will look better. If you can, call a tow truck and have it towed to the garage where it can be fixed properly.
Bonnie
Christy said
May 4, 2005
(((Jeannie)))
I so know that type of aggrivation. It's why I am Mrs Fix-it around here. Though I'm not mechanically inclined. I had a oil leak for about 3 months and procrastinated taking my Jeep in. I just kept dumping oil in it all the time. I had asked my husband several times to check it to see if he could fix it. Of course he claimed he checked it out and couldn't find the problem. When I did take it in to be fixed they said whoever changed the oil the last time didn't screw the cap on tight. It didn't cost much, just a few months of aggrivation.
We can't always use our alanon know how with this stuff. Sometimes they truly just screw up our day and wallets.
Sorry this happened..tomorrow is a new day.
Christy
cdb said
May 5, 2005
Hello Jeannie,
It sounds like you are in the school of hard knocks like all of it and I think you are working on your masters :) You did the best you could. If it were me I would document this if a divorce ever occurs. Another situation of irresponsibility and more expense for you. (((((((((Jeannie))))))) What about that nice man that drives the bus that is an alcoholic? How are you at reaching out for help and asking others to help. If you are not good at it, now is the time to learn. There are so many poeple that would love to help you out in your situation. Keep hoping and praying that those people will show up. But they may already be there and all we need to do is ask. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)
dot said
May 5, 2005
Hi Jeannie - Wow - such typical a behavior - do we ever really stop expecting them to be different?
I know I always hoped he would be different even when he moved 1600 miles away.
This too will pass but in the mean time lots of love and hugs are coming your way.
Love in recovery - Dot
((((((((((((Jeannie/kids))))))))))))
megan said
May 5, 2005
Hi Jeanne
It has come to be that I can't really tell anymore when my husband is drunk or not drunk. I won't say sober or not sober because even when he does not drink he is not sober.
the alcohol has affected his brain in some way.
I had a 1997 Dodge stratus last year. I had it since new and it was slowly needing some repairs.
Always in our marriage my husband took care of the cars. i mentioned to him over and over that the car was driving odd.
I even took him for a ride in the car and he agreed.
no plans were made to fix the car. I ambusy. I travel alot for work and I guess had my head alot int he sand about the extent and affects of my husbands drinking on my life.
then, I was driving home from work one day and the transmission went. I called AA and my husband. The tow truck driver came and he spent 20 minutes on the phone with my husband while he tried to figure out where to tow the car. the house we were living in had a short steep driveway.
Finally my husband had it towed to my job parking lot where it reamained for 6 weeks until he decided to have it junked. I walked home 7 miles in the snow and dark.
I had no vehicle for 15 months while I waited for him to buy me a new vehicle like he always did. I rode my bike the 7 miles to work and home.
I used his truck for groceries and errands. I felt trapped.
3 weeks ago I bought a new truck by myself.
You should have seen the look of SURPRISE on my A's face when he saw it.
I am just slowly seizing control of my life back. I had the keys to what i needed to do but just did not see clearly the path...
Diva said
May 5, 2005
((((((((((((Jeannie))))))))))))) Wish I could do more Jeannie, but I send you a hug and the hope that tomorrow will be a better day for you. Diva
teddybear said
May 5, 2005
Hi Jeannie,
Do I ever relate to what you are saying!! This is what we call good lessons in life, by which we learn a lot.
Your first idea could have really worked, and you would have avoided all the suffering that you went through afterall.
Like we are told in Al-Anon....Keep the focus on yourself, and It starts by you first. I know that these are all good reminders for me to do what is good for me first. It really does work for me. It is difficult sometimes to do what is good for us. You do not have to lie, you just go ahead, and do it. For me, when one thing does not work.....what have you got to loose by trying a different and new way. If any of this helps, I am happy. Thanks for reminder, I really appreciate your post. What we can not do for today, our HP will do the rest
Hi,
The starter on my van went. I was going to take it into the garage to have it fixed. I was driving my sons car and my husband saw me. Stupid me, when he asked why I was driving that car I told him the truth and told him the car was going into the garage in the morning. It could be started to drive their if I wacked the starter with a hammer and didn't turn it off till I got there.
He showed up with his father and a starter and said he was going to fix the van and I shouldn't waste money. Okay a starter is relatively simple to do and I know he normally could do it.
He must have been drinking some before he got here and had some hidden in his car. All I know is he looked sober when he started and the next thing I knew he was smashed.
The next thing I know he messes up and breaks the clamp that holds the exhaust up and the shield that is in front of the starter. Gets the starter out tells me it is the wrong one and and he has to exchange it.
The van is out on the street up on ramps and he didn't come back. There is no starter, so I can't get it off the ramps. (It is a big old heavy conversion van and we cannot push it down, it may fal as one tire is half off. Added to that the exhaust is now hanging down.
Needless to say he did not come back, but a policeman did with a ticket for a hazard on the street.
I called him to tell him what happened, and he is even drunker, started telling me I was an ungrateful bitch and now I can fix my own &&&& van. And that it is my &^%& ticket, not his problem.
Now I have a ticket to pay. I have to pay a tow truck to take it to the garage and not only do I have to pay to have the starter replaced, but the shield and the clamp on the exhaust as well.
I should have lied, honesty got me this mess.
If I had argued for him not to do it, I would have gotten accused of wasting money and he would have flipped out on me. So to keep the peace I chose to let him do it. The part that really aggravates me is that no matter what I have done to protect myself, and I did set up the appointment at the garage and was taking care of it. I keep having to suffer the consequenses of his drinking. Thanks for letting me vent.
Love Jeannie
{{{Jeannie}}}}
Sounds like you've had a hum dinger of a day. You're right about the not being able to win part that's for sure. Hopefully tomorrow things will look better. If you can, call a tow truck and have it towed to the garage where it can be fixed properly.
Bonnie
(((Jeannie)))
I so know that type of aggrivation. It's why I am Mrs Fix-it around here. Though I'm not mechanically inclined. I had a oil leak for about 3 months and procrastinated taking my Jeep in. I just kept dumping oil in it all the time. I had asked my husband several times to check it to see if he could fix it. Of course he claimed he checked it out and couldn't find the problem. When I did take it in to be fixed they said whoever changed the oil the last time didn't screw the cap on tight. It didn't cost much, just a few months of aggrivation.
We can't always use our alanon know how with this stuff. Sometimes they truly just screw up our day and wallets.
Sorry this happened..tomorrow is a new day.
Christy
Hello Jeannie,
It sounds like you are in the school of hard knocks like all of it and I think you are working on your masters :) You did the best you could. If it were me I would document this if a divorce ever occurs. Another situation of irresponsibility and more expense for you. (((((((((Jeannie))))))) What about that nice man that drives the bus that is an alcoholic? How are you at reaching out for help and asking others to help. If you are not good at it, now is the time to learn. There are so many poeple that would love to help you out in your situation. Keep hoping and praying that those people will show up. But they may already be there and all we need to do is ask. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Hi Jeanne
It has come to be that I can't really tell anymore when my husband is drunk or not drunk. I won't say sober or not sober because even when he does not drink he is not sober.
the alcohol has affected his brain in some way.
I had a 1997 Dodge stratus last year. I had it since new and it was slowly needing some repairs.
Always in our marriage my husband took care of the cars. i mentioned to him over and over that the car was driving odd.
I even took him for a ride in the car and he agreed.
no plans were made to fix the car. I ambusy. I travel alot for work and I guess had my head alot int he sand about the extent and affects of my husbands drinking on my life.
then, I was driving home from work one day and the transmission went. I called AA and my husband. The tow truck driver came and he spent 20 minutes on the phone with my husband while he tried to figure out where to tow the car. the house we were living in had a short steep driveway.
Finally my husband had it towed to my job parking lot where it reamained for 6 weeks until he decided to have it junked. I walked home 7 miles in the snow and dark.
I had no vehicle for 15 months while I waited for him to buy me a new vehicle like he always did. I rode my bike the 7 miles to work and home.
I used his truck for groceries and errands. I felt trapped.
3 weeks ago I bought a new truck by myself.
You should have seen the look of SURPRISE on my A's face when he saw it.
I am just slowly seizing control of my life back. I had the keys to what i needed to do but just did not see clearly the path...
Hi Jeannie,
Do I ever relate to what you are saying!! This is what we call good lessons in life, by which we learn a lot.
Your first idea could have really worked, and you would have avoided all the suffering that you went through afterall.
Like we are told in Al-Anon....Keep the focus on yourself, and It starts by you first. I know that these are all good reminders for me to do what is good for me first. It really does work for me. It is difficult sometimes to do what is good for us. You do not have to lie, you just go ahead, and do it. For me, when one thing does not work.....what have you got to loose by trying a different and new way. If any of this helps, I am happy. Thanks for reminder, I really appreciate your post. What we can not do for today, our HP will do the rest
Luv & Hugs