HELLO ALL! I HOPE TODAY FINDS EVERYONE DOING WELL. I WANTED TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU GUYS.
I WENT TO MY FIRST AL-ANON MEETING LAST NIGHT, THEY MEET IN MY AREA ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK. I WAS A NERVOUS WRECK ! AND IT WAS ALSO A STEP MEETING. I FELT SO LOST BUT I MADE IT THROUGH THE MEETING OK.EVEN THOUGH I SHOOK A TAD , AND WAS SO SCARED{ QUIETLY, OF COURSE!} I NOTICED DURING THE MEETING ,WHILE LISTENING AND READING ALOUD , MY EMOTIONAL LEVEL WENT SKY HIGH. I FELT LIKE CRYING.MY EYES TEARED A FEW TIMES BUT I HELD IT IN BEST I COULD . ITS NOT EASY FOR ME TO CRY.EVEN IF MY FEELINGS ARE HURT, UNLESS IM REALLY CLOSE TO THAT PERSON. I FELT SO MUCH AT THE MEETING , IT HIT ME ALL AT ONCE, THE FEAR, THE FEELING OF HOPELESSNESS,HELPLESSNESS,FEELING LIKE I WAS IN TURMOIL, I GUESS,FINALLY ADMITTING TO MYSELF ,AND REALIZING , THAT I REALLY CANT HELP MY A, AND THAT FOR A LONG TIME, I FOOLISHLY AND NAIVELY THOUGHT I COULD HELP, THAT HURTS ADMITTING THAT, IT REALLY DOES . FEELING LIKE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SHARE A LIFE WITH HIM,THAT WE WILL NEVER BE A REAL FAMILY, I TRULY LOVE MY A,WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.AND WANT TO SUPPORT HIM IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. I KNOW THAT I ALSO HAVE TO KEEP MYSELF HEALTHY AND HAPPY, EMOTIONALLY, AS WELL AS PSYCHOLOGICALLY,IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE SITUATIONS, NO MATTER WHAT THEY MAY BE.
I DID MEET NEW PEOPLE AND SPOKE TO A FEW, AT THE END I WAS MORE COMFORTABLE, THOUGH THE FEELINGS THAT HAD COME TO THE FORE WERE STILL THERE,MY A WENT WITH ME, HE WANTS TO EARN AND SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF THINGS, HE SAYS ITS HELPING HIM MORE THAN THE AA MEETINGS, MAYBE IT DOES, I HOPE IT DOES.
I BOUGHT THE BOOK COURAGE TO CHANGE, ITS HELPING ME PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE MORE EASILY, THOUGH I HAVE SO FAR TO GO AND MUCH TO LEARN, AND THE AL-ANON'S 12 STEPS, 12 TRADITIONS, TO START MYSELF WITH. I STARTED READING THE FIRST ONE LAST NIGHT. I AM TRYING NOT TO READ TOO MUCH TOO FAST. I LITTLE EVERY DAY, I THINK IS BEST. TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK.
TODAY IS DAY 20, OR 21 OF MY A NOT DRINKING, ITS HARD , HE IS TRYING. THATS ALL I CAN HOPE FOR I GUESS.
WHILE READING THE COURAGE TO CHANGE LAST NIGHT, I READ ONE PARAGRAPH [january 8 th}ABOUT THE family member WORRING OVER the newly sober A, AND TRYING TO PROTECT them FROM THINGS SHE THOUGHT WOULD HURT OR HINDER THEM. I REALIZED I WAS DOING THE SAME THING! AND THE PART WHEN THE FAMILY MEMBER STATED HER WORRY ABOUT THE BICKERING AND THAT IT MAY CAUSE THEM TO START DRINKING, THEY SAID, WELL LET HER!, I WAS FLOORED!!!!!. I PICTURED MYSELF DOING THE SAME THING. BUT TO JUST LET MY A DRINK, I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT. IT HURTS SO MUCH WHEN HE WAS DRINKING, TO ME IM WATCHING HIM KILL HIMSELF, LITTLE BY LITTLE. ITS SO HARD! TO ME IT SAYS I SHOULD JUST BE LIKE, OH WELL , WHATEVER!, IM NOT SURE I CAN ACCOMPLISH T5HAT KIND OF ATTITUDE.
WELL , THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME VENT . LOL KINDA! AND SHARING THIS WITH YOU ALL, I COULD WRITE LETTERS WHEN I GET TYPING, SO SORRY ! I GO ON AND ON, I KNOW, LOL!
,cry:, YET THATS HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. LOVE N HUGS TO ALL.
lin0606 said
May 4, 2005
I remember that shaky feeling when my A was newly sober - I couldn't believe that this major, huge thing was actually happening in our lives. Sobriety is no walk in the park either, but with courage and faith and love, you will get through, one way or another.
One thing that may help - when you are feeling like you could not do the 'oh well, drink if you want, whatever,' thing. Cast your mind back - have you ever been able to *stop* him from drinking if he wanted to? The reality is, it was never up to you, to let him drink or not drink. When I think of twenty years of crying, nagging, little schemes and strategems, all designed to keep him from dirinking, or from drinking 'so much', I doubt if they ever had the effect of stopping him from taking ONE DRINK that he wanted to take. I drove myself crazy, and it had no effect whatever. That is what is meant by "Let him" - the realization that you cannot stop him. It's the first step "we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanagable". Not *his* life - he has to work on that part, but *yours*.
So glad you made a meeting, keep coming back.
dot said
May 4, 2005
Hi Gypsy - I'm so glad you got to your first meeting. It's ok to cry. I've been around for lots of years and I still sometimes cry or tear when I'm sharing.
I question the a going with you to your meeting. If there is more than one and he wants to go why not go to separate meetings. I know, for me, I didn't want the a at mine.
keep going and keep coming back here. We love you.
Love and hugs - Dot
De Anna said
May 5, 2005
Hello, & glad to meet you. Great for your first meetings. You've just joined a lifetime membership. The only difference is here you don't pay, you get help, support, & love from others! Keep coming back.
HELLO ALL! I HOPE TODAY FINDS EVERYONE DOING WELL. I WANTED TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU GUYS.
I WENT TO MY FIRST AL-ANON MEETING LAST NIGHT, THEY MEET IN MY AREA ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK. I WAS A NERVOUS WRECK ! AND IT WAS ALSO A STEP MEETING. I FELT SO LOST BUT I MADE IT THROUGH THE MEETING OK.EVEN THOUGH I SHOOK A TAD , AND WAS SO SCARED{ QUIETLY, OF COURSE!} I NOTICED DURING THE MEETING ,WHILE LISTENING AND READING ALOUD , MY EMOTIONAL LEVEL WENT SKY HIGH. I FELT LIKE CRYING.MY EYES TEARED A FEW TIMES BUT I HELD IT IN BEST I COULD . ITS NOT EASY FOR ME TO CRY.EVEN IF MY FEELINGS ARE HURT, UNLESS IM REALLY CLOSE TO THAT PERSON. I FELT SO MUCH AT THE MEETING , IT HIT ME ALL AT ONCE, THE FEAR, THE FEELING OF HOPELESSNESS,HELPLESSNESS,FEELING LIKE I WAS IN TURMOIL, I GUESS,FINALLY ADMITTING TO MYSELF ,AND REALIZING , THAT I REALLY CANT HELP MY A, AND THAT FOR A LONG TIME, I FOOLISHLY AND NAIVELY THOUGHT I COULD HELP, THAT HURTS ADMITTING THAT, IT REALLY DOES . FEELING LIKE I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SHARE A LIFE WITH HIM,THAT WE WILL NEVER BE A REAL FAMILY, I TRULY LOVE MY A,WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING.AND WANT TO SUPPORT HIM IN ANY WAY POSSIBLE. I KNOW THAT I ALSO HAVE TO KEEP MYSELF HEALTHY AND HAPPY, EMOTIONALLY, AS WELL AS PSYCHOLOGICALLY,IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE SITUATIONS, NO MATTER WHAT THEY MAY BE.
I DID MEET NEW PEOPLE AND SPOKE TO A FEW, AT THE END I WAS MORE COMFORTABLE, THOUGH THE FEELINGS THAT HAD COME TO THE FORE WERE STILL THERE,MY A WENT WITH ME, HE WANTS TO EARN AND SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF THINGS, HE SAYS ITS HELPING HIM MORE THAN THE AA MEETINGS, MAYBE IT DOES, I HOPE IT DOES.
I BOUGHT THE BOOK COURAGE TO CHANGE, ITS HELPING ME PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE MORE EASILY, THOUGH I HAVE SO FAR TO GO AND MUCH TO LEARN, AND THE AL-ANON'S 12 STEPS, 12 TRADITIONS, TO START MYSELF WITH. I STARTED READING THE FIRST ONE LAST NIGHT. I AM TRYING NOT TO READ TOO MUCH TOO FAST. I LITTLE EVERY DAY, I THINK IS BEST. TO GET ME BACK ON TRACK.
TODAY IS DAY 20, OR 21 OF MY A NOT DRINKING, ITS HARD , HE IS TRYING. THATS ALL I CAN HOPE FOR I GUESS.
WHILE READING THE COURAGE TO CHANGE LAST NIGHT, I READ ONE PARAGRAPH [january 8 th}ABOUT THE family member WORRING OVER the newly sober A, AND TRYING TO PROTECT them FROM THINGS SHE THOUGHT WOULD HURT OR HINDER THEM. I REALIZED I WAS DOING THE SAME THING! AND THE PART WHEN THE FAMILY MEMBER STATED HER WORRY ABOUT THE BICKERING AND THAT IT MAY CAUSE THEM TO START DRINKING, THEY SAID, WELL LET HER!, I WAS FLOORED!!!!!. I PICTURED MYSELF DOING THE SAME THING. BUT TO JUST LET MY A DRINK, I DONT KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT. IT HURTS SO MUCH WHEN HE WAS DRINKING, TO ME IM WATCHING HIM KILL HIMSELF, LITTLE BY LITTLE. ITS SO HARD! TO ME IT SAYS I SHOULD JUST BE LIKE, OH WELL , WHATEVER!, IM NOT SURE I CAN ACCOMPLISH T5HAT KIND OF ATTITUDE.
WELL , THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME VENT . LOL KINDA! AND SHARING THIS WITH YOU ALL, I COULD WRITE LETTERS WHEN I GET TYPING, SO SORRY ! I GO ON AND ON, I KNOW, LOL!