Hello all. I am new to this site..been lurking in the shadows for awhile though. My husband is the A in my life. He has had times of sobriety. Although he has been drinking rather heavily the past few months. He seems to have reached a point recently that he wants to do better. He has been in AA before but is not currently. He recently got a job that has him working out of town for 3 weeks at a time. This has been hard on both of us. We talk on the phone every night and he sounds better than he has in some time. I find myself being reserved in wanting to believe that he really is going to "do the right thing". I have heard it all before. Yet I hear his voice and the tone tells me that maybe he is serious this time. For myself I am trying to take the first steps for myself. I live in a small town and there isn't much here in the way of help for us. I went to the local library yesterday and checked out the only 2 alanon books they had. Just getting started on them. I just wanted to post a short hello to everyone. Any help and support is appreciated.
lin0606 said
Apr 30, 2005
Hi, you're in the right place. I hope you can get to a f2f meeting - it's worth it, even if you have to drive some distance. I live in a rural area myself, so I know what it's like.
My husband also does most of his work away from home. In a way, I think that is what saved our marriage, as we could get a break from each other! We also do much of our takling on the phone; personally, I really like it. We often are able to talk more freely about things, and be closer, on the phone than in real life.
I wouldn't worry too much about whether he 'means it' this time or not. If you can, take the focus off of his behaviour, and onto your own. Enjoy the time you have together when he is sober or pleasant to be around, and pursue your own interests the rest of the time. He really is not in control of your happiness, though I know that sometimes seems hard to believe.
I really applaud you for taking alanon books out of the library. I did the same, and found that it was so liberating to not try to hide the truth any more. If anyone wanted to notice that I was reading about alcoholism, so be it!
While your husband is trying to decide whether to make some changes in his own life, you have already started the changes in yours!
Maria123 said
Apr 30, 2005
I would just like to say welcome!!!!
I hope you keep coming. I have found contentment, peace and serenity whether the A's in my life are drinking or not and over time, I've also found profound friendship! which is amazing considering the forum of the computer and chat.
Please join a meeting on line if you can. They are 9PM M - Sat, 7PM on Sun, and M - F 9AM, SAT - SUN 10 AM, all eastern standard time.
Maria123
abbyal said
Apr 30, 2005
Hi Lil , dosen't matter if he is serious this time or not . What is important is that you are. The books will help alot. Come here and post and meetings on line til u can find a meeting close to you. Even if it is a 30 min or more drive it will be worth the trip. Those of us who marry A's tend to isolate and that is not good for us. so making an effort to get out of the house to a f2f meeting is important. We need real people ,new friends and support with skin on it. : ) someone who answers a phone when we are in trouble, who can go for coffee ona bad day, bye for now goodluck take care of you. You are worth the effort .
lil_feathered_one said
Apr 30, 2005
Thanks to you all for the warm welcome. Lin I feel the same way about me and my husband. This week we have talked about things more than we have I'd say in the past 6 months. I have been able to tell him better how I have been feeling. Although I am just getting a good start on the books I am reading things that make me sit and AH HA thats what it is. Such an eye opener. It has been a scary time for me trying to figure things out thinking I knew only to realize that maybe I was just understanding the tip of the iceberg so to speak. I haven't been to any f2f meetings yet. I have checked into them but where I live there is only 1 a week and it is at night. I have 4 kids plus my niece not making excuses for not going but when you don't have anyone that you can count on to babysit for you it makes things a bit more difficult. I want to take all this one step at a time and not get to far ahead of myself(which I have a tendency to do). This is the first week of him working out of town and I have been trying to keep myself busy. Been taking care of some projects around the house. We just moved in here in Dec. and I just have got cutains up this past week. Just being able to do that made me feel good. I have some great friends here too that have been coming by. One of those friends came and pretty much dragged me and my kids out last night. Then she stayed and gave my little ones their baths, oh what a wonderful break that was. Ok I feel like I'm starting to ramble on now, so I will stop now as I am very tired tonight. Time to raid the fridge! Thanks again to all!
Feather
cloud said
Apr 30, 2005
welcome to this site so glad to have another person find this program!!!! I have been in 3 mo. and my husband is my A and well he has been sober this time a month, but through it all I have found peace and sernity with all my new friends here, their shares of ES&H is why I continue to come and now I hope instead of lurking dear friend you deceide to join us in chat.
peace be with you,\always cloud
kismetstrand said
Apr 30, 2005
Welcome Feather!
Nice to see you here. =) Taking baby steps when you first start out in Alanon is great! There is so much to learn it can overwhelm us if we try to rush into it all. I really like what I've read from both your posts in this thread. Sounds like you are doing well and on the right path. My husband is my "A" also, we have 6 children in the home here, that includes grandson who is 3, and the others range from age 13 to age 23. My husband is a truck driver, so he's on the road more than he's at home, so I can certainly relate to those whose husbands work out of town. One thing that I find is really important, is being able to take some time just for yourself. I smiled reading about how your friend came over and gave the kids their bath after taking you all out first. Friends are great! (Do you think she might babysit for an hour so you could take in a meeting? Just a thought.) We moved here to our small town last July, and other than my mom and brother, I didn't know anyone here. Through Alanon I met a gal who I'm friends with now, and just being able to pick the phone up and call someone in person when I'm feeling down, or even when I just feel like I need to hear another non-family voice, is great! Would love to meet you in chat sometime! Take care!
Luv, Kis
whitie said
May 1, 2005
Lil,
I'm glad you're here. I remember when I first tried Ala-non I read and read and read. But the thing I loved the most was the face to face meetings. Complete strangers offering hugs that felt like they were coming from old friends because they had the same experiences I was/am having.
Also know that many meetings have child care, so check it out. Just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
Whitie
I would just like to say welcome!!!!
I hope you keep coming. I have found contentment, peace and serenity whether the A's in my life are drinking or not and over time, I've also found profound friendship! which is amazing considering the forum of the computer and chat.
Please join a meeting on line if you can. They are 9PM M - Sat, 7PM on Sun, and M - F 9AM, SAT - SUN 10 AM, all eastern standard time.
Maria123
Hi Lil , dosen't matter if he is serious this time or not . What is important is that you are. The books will help alot. Come here and post and meetings on line til u can find a meeting close to you. Even if it is a 30 min or more drive it will be worth the trip. Those of us who marry A's tend to isolate and that is not good for us. so making an effort to get out of the house to a f2f meeting is important. We need real people ,new friends and support with skin on it. : ) someone who answers a phone when we are in trouble, who can go for coffee ona bad day, bye for now goodluck take care of you. You are worth the effort .
Thanks to you all for the warm welcome. Lin I feel the same way about me and my husband. This week we have talked about things more than we have I'd say in the past 6 months. I have been able to tell him better how I have been feeling. Although I am just getting a good start on the books I am reading things that make me sit and AH HA thats what it is. Such an eye opener. It has been a scary time for me trying to figure things out thinking I knew only to realize that maybe I was just understanding the tip of the iceberg so to speak. I haven't been to any f2f meetings yet. I have checked into them but where I live there is only 1 a week and it is at night. I have 4 kids plus my niece not making excuses for not going but when you don't have anyone that you can count on to babysit for you it makes things a bit more difficult. I want to take all this one step at a time and not get to far ahead of myself(which I have a tendency to do). This is the first week of him working out of town and I have been trying to keep myself busy. Been taking care of some projects around the house. We just moved in here in Dec. and I just have got cutains up this past week. Just being able to do that made me feel good. I have some great friends here too that have been coming by. One of those friends came and pretty much dragged me and my kids out last night. Then she stayed and gave my little ones their baths, oh what a wonderful break that was. Ok I feel like I'm starting to ramble on now, so I will stop now as I am very tired tonight. Time to raid the fridge! Thanks again to all!
Feather
welcome to this site so glad to have another person find this program!!!! I have been in 3 mo. and my husband is my A and well he has been sober this time a month, but through it all I have found peace and sernity with all my new friends here, their shares of ES&H is why I continue to come and now I hope instead of lurking dear friend you deceide to join us in chat.
peace be with you,\always cloud
Welcome Feather!
Nice to see you here. =) Taking baby steps when you first start out in Alanon is great! There is so much to learn it can overwhelm us if we try to rush into it all. I really like what I've read from both your posts in this thread. Sounds like you are doing well and on the right path. My husband is my "A" also, we have 6 children in the home here, that includes grandson who is 3, and the others range from age 13 to age 23. My husband is a truck driver, so he's on the road more than he's at home, so I can certainly relate to those whose husbands work out of town. One thing that I find is really important, is being able to take some time just for yourself. I smiled reading about how your friend came over and gave the kids their bath after taking you all out first. Friends are great! (Do you think she might babysit for an hour so you could take in a meeting? Just a thought.) We moved here to our small town last July, and other than my mom and brother, I didn't know anyone here. Through Alanon I met a gal who I'm friends with now, and just being able to pick the phone up and call someone in person when I'm feeling down, or even when I just feel like I need to hear another non-family voice, is great! Would love to meet you in chat sometime! Take care!
Luv, Kis