I just have to keep posting to keep myself going. After reading relationships and recovery I reflected over this past year with my recovering A. We went away for the weekend a year ago to discuss our major issues. He started out the weekend saying that "I didn't come here to divorce you". We really had a good weekend with tempers in check, time alone, and time together. Our next step was to go to a couples workshop in July. We were told to ask each other for what we needed and I said quit threatening me with divorce and he agreed. In November he said that he had decided that he didn't want to work on this relationship and he wanted to be happy and wanted a divorce and didn't want to communicate with me for a year if ever. The credit card bill from the couples workshop (the "I will quit threatening you with divorce" credit card bill) hadn't even been paid!
So do I see a pattern here? I almost laughed which I need to do more often. And learn to take care of myself. He is out the door on June 1 but he has been working late at the office every night this week so it is like he is "gone" mentally already. I am slowly getting it - he just doesn't have "it" whatever it takes to be mature in a relationship. Like I said this is becoming almost too funny. I had a terrible day at work where I thought that everybody was out to get me and nobody supported me. I sat in my office with the lights out and cried. But I did come to understand that I have to support myself and take care of myself.
I walked home in a pouring rain and it just felt good to be with Mother Nature which I feel is my higher power. Support to you all for sharing your pain and recovery. Maybe next time I will really laugh!
Nancy
seachange said
Apr 29, 2005
Hi Nancy! I don't know you, but I know you because I have been where you are, for eternities too! It's so hard to disengage from someone else's craziness! Hope you are doing "the next right thing" for yourself, whatever that is--and that you are already in a better place.
Good luck,
Seachange
-- Edited by seachange at 09:57, 2005-04-29
Annie said
Apr 29, 2005
Hi, Nancy. I know the feeling, "I almost laughed." We have such little control over these events that they almost become surreal. And, I do think it is good to raise yourself up to see beyond the "insanity."
I am glad that you are thinking about YOU. In my readings, I have grasped the concept that we are ALL people of value because we carry our HP inside of us, and because of this, WE become of value--not what we do or say but the love that we show...that is what makes us of value. You have done your very best to make the relationship work. Your husband has made a choice. Continue to work on YOU and connect to that Value inside of you. If you love, I truly believe that you will find love in your life. May the love in you grow stronger. (I hope this makes sense.)
Love and blessings, Annie
jkiss03 said
Apr 29, 2005
I know your pain. It does become almost funny when the life you have been living starts to unravel. I have been married to my A for 20 years. He is recently out of treatment. (still using if you ask me though) We sat in group one night and someone asked me how long in our relationship had I been sober. I couldn't answer right awy because I had to actually think about how many years in our relationship I drank. Turns out I have been sober for 18 years of our marriage and he has used for 14 of 20 years. It is hard work taking care of yourself. I need to laugh more often too. Funny how living with an alcoholic can make you so much more serious. ((((hugs))))
I just have to keep posting to keep myself going. After reading relationships and recovery I reflected over this past year with my recovering A. We went away for the weekend a year ago to discuss our major issues. He started out the weekend saying that "I didn't come here to divorce you". We really had a good weekend with tempers in check, time alone, and time together. Our next step was to go to a couples workshop in July. We were told to ask each other for what we needed and I said quit threatening me with divorce and he agreed. In November he said that he had decided that he didn't want to work on this relationship and he wanted to be happy and wanted a divorce and didn't want to communicate with me for a year if ever. The credit card bill from the couples workshop (the "I will quit threatening you with divorce" credit card bill) hadn't even been paid!
So do I see a pattern here? I almost laughed which I need to do more often. And learn to take care of myself. He is out the door on June 1 but he has been working late at the office every night this week so it is like he is "gone" mentally already. I am slowly getting it - he just doesn't have "it" whatever it takes to be mature in a relationship. Like I said this is becoming almost too funny. I had a terrible day at work where I thought that everybody was out to get me and nobody supported me. I sat in my office with the lights out and cried. But I did come to understand that I have to support myself and take care of myself.
I walked home in a pouring rain and it just felt good to be with Mother Nature which I feel is my higher power. Support to you all for sharing your pain and recovery. Maybe next time I will really laugh!
Nancy
Hi Nancy! I don't know you, but I know you because I have been where you are, for eternities too! It's so hard to disengage from someone else's craziness! Hope you are doing "the next right thing" for yourself, whatever that is--and that you are already in a better place.
Good luck,
Seachange
-- Edited by seachange at 09:57, 2005-04-29
Hi, Nancy. I know the feeling, "I almost laughed." We have such little control over these events that they almost become surreal. And, I do think it is good to raise yourself up to see beyond the "insanity."
I am glad that you are thinking about YOU. In my readings, I have grasped the concept that we are ALL people of value because we carry our HP inside of us, and because of this, WE become of value--not what we do or say but the love that we show...that is what makes us of value. You have done your very best to make the relationship work. Your husband has made a choice. Continue to work on YOU and connect to that Value inside of you. If you love, I truly believe that you will find love in your life. May the love in you grow stronger. (I hope this makes sense.)
Love and blessings, Annie