Hi Everyone! I see that book recommendations pop up here regularly, so just want to share a good and longtime companion, Melody Beattie's The Language of Letting Go. I read that one every day, and have for the past decade or so--since it was published! She's so right on with feelings, and the nitty-gritty of what we deal with on a daily basis in our relationships, and within ourselves, in plain and very loving, forgiving language. For those of us ready to label ourselves codependents, this little book is a godsend! Lots about relationship!!!!! Is there anything else??? Melody's own story is quite something too--having herself been on a long journey of recovery from alcoholism, codependency, and having lost her son to a ski-ing accident when he was 12. She's the author of several great books on recovery and spirituality.
Keep coming back--it works if you work it!
Cheers,
Seachange
sanddie said
Apr 28, 2005
Thanks for sharing your post.. I too have The Language of Letting Go and her other book-- Codependent No More! That was actually the first book I read when I discovered the extent of my issues in choosing the men I had been involved with throughout my life and it was THAT book that gave me tremendous insight to ANY 12-step program.... Of course the steps are ALL the same between Alanon and CODA with the first being different in stating that instead of being powerless of Alcohol, we are powerless over others. :)))
I believe that BOTH programs compliment eachother and that as the alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, WE are addicted to those types of relationships and without them have issues similar to an alcoholic as far as emotions, fears, and anxiety. The irony of this though, is that we EVEN have these same issues WITH them. So I guess what it REALLY comes down to is if we have these issues with OR without them, what then is the underlying issue within ourselves. :)))
Thank you very much for sharing... I believe ALL recovery literature is essential to a healthy lifestyle and choosing healthy relationships. The more insight we receive that allows us to change our often learned behaviors the stronger we will become in our recovery to break the cycle we learned.
Take Care!
whitie said
Apr 28, 2005
Seachange,
The Language of Letting Go always works for me. This book is almost right with setting me straight. I carry it my car with me. When there is an extra minute I have it with me. This book can take what I'm feeling and help me to understand WHY I'm feeeling it. I didn't know anything about Melody Beattie, thanks for sharing that.
Whitie
seachange said
Apr 29, 2005
Hi Sandie! Yes. it does seem to be true, that codependents and alcoholics have many if not all of the same underlying issues--just different stripes of the ice-cream, huh?! I actually started my recovery by learning a lot about being an adult child of an alcoholic, and the book that was a revelation to me at that time was Claudia Black's It Will Never Happen to Me. It shows the dynamics of a dysfunctional family and how children tend to adopt roles (the entertainer, the lost child, the scapegoat, the responsible one, etc) that we tend to carry over into our adult relationships. What a lightbulb experience that was for me, learning about all this!!! As an orphan and lost child, I was definitely doomed to repeat the "abandon me" pattern with willing participants, until I started seeing the pattern! Phew!!! I'm thankful that happened before it was too late for me, though I still struggle with regrets about it taking SO LONG!
Books are fabulous tools, and there are so many good ones out there. Also I'm a librarian, and being surrounded by books is my natural habitat. I have to say it though--as helpful as they are, there's NOTHING that replaces face to face contact with other people in the programs, counsellors, and people with whom to practice the principles that the 12 Step programs embody! I have longtime friend who insists that "life-learnin'" is far superior to "book-learnin'". I know what she means. It's easy for me to isolate, but the greatest growth has come for me by going to meetings, doing lots of talk-therapy, and giving leads at different times. I still have to push myself here, though--it's not my default mode!
Thanks for your response, Sandie!
Cheers,
seachange
seachange said
Apr 29, 2005
Hi Whitie! And thanks for your response. I'm glad you find the book as helpful as I do. She's a very compassionate and insightful person.
Hi Everyone! I see that book recommendations pop up here regularly, so just want to share a good and longtime companion, Melody Beattie's The Language of Letting Go. I read that one every day, and have for the past decade or so--since it was published! She's so right on with feelings, and the nitty-gritty of what we deal with on a daily basis in our relationships, and within ourselves, in plain and very loving, forgiving language. For those of us ready to label ourselves codependents, this little book is a godsend! Lots about relationship!!!!! Is there anything else??? Melody's own story is quite something too--having herself been on a long journey of recovery from alcoholism, codependency, and having lost her son to a ski-ing accident when he was 12. She's the author of several great books on recovery and spirituality.
Keep coming back--it works if you work it!
Cheers,
Seachange
Thanks for sharing your post.. I too have The Language of Letting Go and her other book-- Codependent No More! That was actually the first book I read when I discovered the extent of my issues in choosing the men I had been involved with throughout my life and it was THAT book that gave me tremendous insight to ANY 12-step program.... Of course the steps are ALL the same between Alanon and CODA with the first being different in stating that instead of being powerless of Alcohol, we are powerless over others. :)))
I believe that BOTH programs compliment eachother and that as the alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, WE are addicted to those types of relationships and without them have issues similar to an alcoholic as far as emotions, fears, and anxiety. The irony of this though, is that we EVEN have these same issues WITH them. So I guess what it REALLY comes down to is if we have these issues with OR without them, what then is the underlying issue within ourselves. :)))
Thank you very much for sharing... I believe ALL recovery literature is essential to a healthy lifestyle and choosing healthy relationships. The more insight we receive that allows us to change our often learned behaviors the stronger we will become in our recovery to break the cycle we learned.
Take Care!
Hi Sandie! Yes. it does seem to be true, that codependents and alcoholics have many if not all of the same underlying issues--just different stripes of the ice-cream, huh?! I actually started my recovery by learning a lot about being an adult child of an alcoholic, and the book that was a revelation to me at that time was Claudia Black's It Will Never Happen to Me. It shows the dynamics of a dysfunctional family and how children tend to adopt roles (the entertainer, the lost child, the scapegoat, the responsible one, etc) that we tend to carry over into our adult relationships. What a lightbulb experience that was for me, learning about all this!!! As an orphan and lost child, I was definitely doomed to repeat the "abandon me" pattern with willing participants, until I started seeing the pattern! Phew!!! I'm thankful that happened before it was too late for me, though I still struggle with regrets about it taking SO LONG!
Books are fabulous tools, and there are so many good ones out there. Also I'm a librarian, and being surrounded by books is my natural habitat. I have to say it though--as helpful as they are, there's NOTHING that replaces face to face contact with other people in the programs, counsellors, and people with whom to practice the principles that the 12 Step programs embody! I have longtime friend who insists that "life-learnin'" is far superior to "book-learnin'". I know what she means. It's easy for me to isolate, but the greatest growth has come for me by going to meetings, doing lots of talk-therapy, and giving leads at different times. I still have to push myself here, though--it's not my default mode!
Thanks for your response, Sandie!
Cheers,
seachange
Hi Whitie! And thanks for your response. I'm glad you find the book as helpful as I do. She's a very compassionate and insightful person.
With good wishes,
seachange