Hi I am new here but really not new to alanon or AA. I am currently married to an alcoholic. We have been married 20 years this year. We have 4 kids 18, 16, 14 and 2. Yep the 2 year old was a happy little surprise. My dh has been through treatment 4 times. He just got done again at the end of March. I am going to alanon meetings but not as regularly as I would like, due to me going to school at night and taking care of the 2 year old during the day.
I am having a heck of a time detaching. I keep telling myself over and over I can't God can I will let him. Most the times that is the only thing that really gets me through my day. I have a strong feeling my dh is drinking again. I came home from school last night and was talking to him on the cell on the way home and he was slurring his words. Once I got home I notcied he was kind of swaying. Of course he says it is because he is tired. I didn't start a fight no use talking to a drunk right? So then I slept on the couch for a couple of hours because he passed out and was snoring so loud. I had shut the bedroom door. When I came to the bed a few hours later and opened the door I smelled it. You know the strong stench of alcohol. I want to leave but have no one in this city, no job and a small child to care for.I am so scared. I need to get through school so I can provide for us. I am sorry to vent so much like this but I really feel like I am going crazy these days. Thanks for reading if you got this far.
jj said
Apr 27, 2005
(((((((((((jkiss))))))))))
I am glad that you are here. Please don't be sory for veting, I do it all the time and many times just getting it out helps me sooo much. Vent away. This is a very supportive group of people.
I am sory that your husband has relapsed. Don't forget to be kind to yourself and keep looking after yourself and your little one. I feel for your fear. Keep comming back. If you work it, it works.
Love in recovery jj
AlaMom said
Apr 27, 2005
Glad to have you here. What a cutie your little one is.
Detachment is such a hard thing to accomplish. I will share w/ you that the key for me was letting go of the anger and resentments I harbored against the A's in my life. When I was able to let go of the anger it made it easier for me to see that they were suffering. And although my husband is sober in recovery - life is no bed of roses. Sobriety brings its own set of issues. I can now let my husband be who he is, make his own mistakes and learn from them. In doing so I let him grow. What a wonderful gift all do to the tools of this program.
Hope to see you in the chat room and at the meetings.
Karen
GypsyRose71 said
Apr 27, 2005
A warm welcome to you Jodi !!,
i am also new here, and i know what you mean, when i have to work, i worry so much about my A's drinking, so far so good, hes not right now, but i have found myself checking when i get home, just in case, i even checked his breathe, a few times, he knew i was checking too, but i had to. my A takes this med, called revia,{ the onyl known med to help with this kind of thing} i guess you can call it a beer pill, it helps him a lot with the cravings, which is the hardest thing for my A. i wish he didnt have to take it, though, it causes liver damage, he has half of his liver function , if that, if hes lucky. with the meetings and this med, he, so far, is doing ok, i give him credit for trying, i know now that it isnt easy at all for an A to reach sobriety, i see the struggle every day, and it hurts to watch this struggle. knowing theres not much else i can do. but keep helping myself and try the best i can to be supportive of his efforts. this program will help you, it has me just the few days i have been a member. please feel free to ramble and vent , thats why we are here for, each other.
i hope i didnt offend anyone with writing about the med, i wasnt sure i could, so i hope im not in trouble!
abbyal said
Apr 27, 2005
Hello Jkiss , never apologize for venting, well u know there is nothing ucan do about him and more al anon meetings will definetly help you. Leaving is not always the answer either. If you have any of our literature ODAT daily reader go to page on july 14, do what it says to the best of your ability and your life will get easier. Our detachment pamphlet and that page changed my life. Pick on e of the suggestions on the detachment pamphlet and work it til u feel comfortable then move on to the next tht pamphlet alone will keep u busy for a few months. hehe Living with active alcoholism is not easy, I always expected my husb to act normal, duh!! to see what was happening to his family and stop.
When I was busy obsessing about someonelse's life mine was a mess, stepping aside and allow the them dignity to live t hier lives the way they choose is the hardest thing I have ever done. When I step aside and get out of my own road God can get at him. Good luck keep comming here and find m ore meetings if time allows. good luck Louise
whatif said
Apr 27, 2005
Please tell me what ODAT is and where can I get pamphlets? I am new here and no meetings in my area. Thanks XOXOXO whatif
bcanuck said
Apr 27, 2005
Hello,
First of all, in answer to whatif's question, the ODAT is the short name for one of the many publications available in Al-Anon, it is "One Day at a Time".
jkiss, We all know what you are going through and are or have been there too. My *a* is still drinking "I don't have a problem", and I too had a problem with detachment. I also have 3 children. I have been in the program for 17 years, off and on, more so lately as I got to a very angry point in our relationship where I felt one of us must die in order for this nightmare to end (how sick is that?). Just with working the program, coming to meetings and chats, and finding out again that I truely am not alone, I feel so much better.
As for the detachment thing, I have found new activities to occupy my time (things I never dreamed I'd actually be interested in), and this has helped me to stop obsessing/focusing on his drinking. He will do what he will do, and there's not thing one I can do about it (Thank you Al-anon for showing me that!!) I look after myself and my children as best I can. Sorry if I'm rambling a bit...I just feel so good today (surprising myself because I haven't felt this good in a very long time).
So, in short, please keep coming back and over time, without even realizing it, you will heal and feel better, and find tools to help you along life's path.
Your friend in recovery,
Bonnie
dot said
Apr 28, 2005
Hi - Welcome. Glad you found us. Ditto to all the good stuff that has been shared with you.
Hopefully this board and the chat room will help you between meetings.
Keep coming back. We are here for you.
Love in Recovery - Dot
Hi I am new here but really not new to alanon or AA. I am currently married to an alcoholic. We have been married 20 years this year. We have 4 kids 18, 16, 14 and 2. Yep the 2 year old was a happy little surprise. My dh has been through treatment 4 times. He just got done again at the end of March. I am going to alanon meetings but not as regularly as I would like, due to me going to school at night and taking care of the 2 year old during the day.
I am having a heck of a time detaching. I keep telling myself over and over I can't God can I will let him. Most the times that is the only thing that really gets me through my day. I have a strong feeling my dh is drinking again. I came home from school last night and was talking to him on the cell on the way home and he was slurring his words. Once I got home I notcied he was kind of swaying. Of course he says it is because he is tired. I didn't start a fight no use talking to a drunk right? So then I slept on the couch for a couple of hours because he passed out and was snoring so loud. I had shut the bedroom door. When I came to the bed a few hours later and opened the door I smelled it. You know the strong stench of alcohol. I want to leave but have no one in this city, no job and a small child to care for.I am so scared. I need to get through school so I can provide for us. I am sorry to vent so much like this but I really feel like I am going crazy these days. Thanks for reading if you got this far.
(((((((((((jkiss))))))))))
I am glad that you are here. Please don't be sory for veting, I do it all the time and many times just getting it out helps me sooo much. Vent away. This is a very supportive group of people.
I am sory that your husband has relapsed. Don't forget to be kind to yourself and keep looking after yourself and your little one. I feel for your fear. Keep comming back. If you work it, it works.
Love in recovery jj
Glad to have you here. What a cutie your little one is.
Detachment is such a hard thing to accomplish. I will share w/ you that the key for me was letting go of the anger and resentments I harbored against the A's in my life. When I was able to let go of the anger it made it easier for me to see that they were suffering. And although my husband is sober in recovery - life is no bed of roses. Sobriety brings its own set of issues. I can now let my husband be who he is, make his own mistakes and learn from them. In doing so I let him grow. What a wonderful gift all do to the tools of this program.
Hope to see you in the chat room and at the meetings.
Karen
A warm welcome to you Jodi !!,
i am also new here, and i know what you mean, when i have to work, i worry so much about my A's drinking, so far so good, hes not right now, but i have found myself checking when i get home, just in case, i even checked his breathe, a few times, he knew i was checking too, but i had to. my A takes this med, called revia,{ the onyl known med to help with this kind of thing} i guess you can call it a beer pill, it helps him a lot with the cravings, which is the hardest thing for my A. i wish he didnt have to take it, though, it causes liver damage, he has half of his liver function , if that, if hes lucky. with the meetings and this med, he, so far, is doing ok, i give him credit for trying, i know now that it isnt easy at all for an A to reach sobriety, i see the struggle every day, and it hurts to watch this struggle. knowing theres not much else i can do. but keep helping myself and try the best i can to be supportive of his efforts. this program will help you, it has me just the few days i have been a member. please feel free to ramble and vent , thats why we are here for, each other.
i hope i didnt offend anyone with writing about the med, i wasnt sure i could, so i hope im not in trouble!
Hello Jkiss , never apologize for venting, well u know there is nothing ucan do about him and more al anon meetings will definetly help you. Leaving is not always the answer either. If you have any of our literature ODAT daily reader go to page on july 14, do what it says to the best of your ability and your life will get easier. Our detachment pamphlet and that page changed my life. Pick on e of the suggestions on the detachment pamphlet and work it til u feel comfortable then move on to the next tht pamphlet alone will keep u busy for a few months. hehe Living with active alcoholism is not easy, I always expected my husb to act normal, duh!! to see what was happening to his family and stop.
When I was busy obsessing about someonelse's life mine was a mess, stepping aside and allow the them dignity to live t hier lives the way they choose is the hardest thing I have ever done. When I step aside and get out of my own road God can get at him. Good luck keep comming here and find m ore meetings if time allows. good luck Louise
Hello,
First of all, in answer to whatif's question, the ODAT is the short name for one of the many publications available in Al-Anon, it is "One Day at a Time".
jkiss, We all know what you are going through and are or have been there too. My *a* is still drinking "I don't have a problem", and I too had a problem with detachment. I also have 3 children. I have been in the program for 17 years, off and on, more so lately as I got to a very angry point in our relationship where I felt one of us must die in order for this nightmare to end (how sick is that?). Just with working the program, coming to meetings and chats, and finding out again that I truely am not alone, I feel so much better.
As for the detachment thing, I have found new activities to occupy my time (things I never dreamed I'd actually be interested in), and this has helped me to stop obsessing/focusing on his drinking. He will do what he will do, and there's not thing one I can do about it (Thank you Al-anon for showing me that!!) I look after myself and my children as best I can. Sorry if I'm rambling a bit...I just feel so good today (surprising myself because I haven't felt this good in a very long time).
So, in short, please keep coming back and over time, without even realizing it, you will heal and feel better, and find tools to help you along life's path.
Your friend in recovery,
Bonnie