I was an alcoholic & addict for almost 15 years with over 8 years sobriety under my belt... I am now a Liscensed Chemical / Alcohol Dependance Counselor. I have been on both sides of the street both personally & professionally. I, too have someone in my life (ex-husband, father of my children) who is a practicing alcoholic and as I had to learn the hard way, no one will get me clean/sober but me. I have tried everything under the sun to "help" him, from begging to psycho-analyzing, but you can't help someone with their problem if they don't see they have a problem.
I have learned not to enable him, but most importantly, not to assume his problems as a result of me. I can only be accountable for my actions, choices, decisions, etc..... It was a long hard road, but I'd take the same path again to be where I am now wsith the serenity and lack-of-chaos that fills my life. I still have bad days, but not everything is a catastrophe that I need to numb to deal (or lack there of) with.
I welcome any comments/questions or just a person to vent to....
Thank you for allowing me to be apart of you all.
co-Ko2
sanddie said
Apr 27, 2005
I just wanted to take a moment and offer my appreciation of your post and who you are as a person overcoming your addictions.... You are truly an inspiration from being on both sides.
God has certainly had mercy and blessed you tremendously.
Take Care!
bcanuck said
Apr 27, 2005
Welcome co-Ko2.
You hit the nail on the head when you said you can't help somone with their problem if they don't admit they have a problem. Story of my life at present, but I'm helping myself by being here. Thanks for posting, keep coming back.
Bonnie
abbyal said
Apr 27, 2005
Hi , congratulations on your own recovery, we have alot of double winners here hope u join us in chat and meetings soon. If u can find the time add another Al-Anon meeting to yur week u will find them helpful. If u have any of our literature specifically the daily reader ODAT go to july 14th and do what it says to the best of your ability and change will happen. That page and our detachment pamphlet changed my life for the better. Pick one from the pamphlet , work it til u feel comfy with it and then start working on another. that alone will keep u busy for a few months . hehe
Obsessing about someone else's life is such a waste I spent alot yrs trying to solve his problem. go figure! bye for now hope I meet u soon in chat Louise
nomorebeer said
Apr 28, 2005
Thank you all for your coNgrats and support, I have 4 sons, and as selfish as this may sound, if all of the hard knocks i've taken (&) given keeps only one of my boys from heading down that same path of self destruction - the divideds have been worth it's wait in gold. Not only am in this field for monatary reasons, but I've seen the pain and turmoil, and unfortunately much, much worse. This is my personal mission .....I have 4 babies -- twin 7's, 8 &14 .... times aren't like they used to be, but much harder. My life was bautiful until I was ablE TO CHOOSE FOR MY SELF ..... EVIDENTALLY NOT VERY PRODUCTIVE CHOICES, I MAY ADD....
TO KNOW ME IS THAT I SHOOT STRAIGHT FROM THE HIP, NO B.S., NOT MANIPULATION, I WORE THE MANIPULATION CROWN FOR SO LONG I THOUGHT THE INDENTIONS WOULD NEVER FADE. ALWAYS REMEMBER WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE CHANGE JUST NOT ALWAYS THE DESIRE.
LOVE YOU FOR YOUR STGRENGTHS AND WORK ON YOUR WEEKNESSES
I DON'T SUBSCRIBE TO LOST CAUSES, JUST LOSS OF DESIRE.
HAVE A BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY, WE WERE ALL BLESSED TO WAKE UP AND RECEIVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A FRESH START !!!
CO-KO2
PLEASE REMEMBER, MY MAILBOX WELCOMES MAIL, IF I CAN HELP OR LISTEN TO SOMEONE THAT'S JUST NOT BEING HEARD..................
jo4 said
Apr 28, 2005
hey nomorebeer
nothing i like better than a straightshooter. one of the best things i learned from aa meetings was to stop beating around the bush/walking on eggshells.
say what you mean, mean what you say. just don't say it mean.
love it. with all the games i thought i had to play to keep my alcoholic from drinking. with all the lies i heard for years.......finally some honesty!!!
i guess i am pretty naive....or a slow learner. i believed my alcoholic every time he said he would come straight home, wasn't drinking/using/stealing........etc. pretty insane behavior for anyone looking from the outside. but i was so earnest in my desire to believe, that i did. now sober, my alcoholic adds extra light to that whole scenario. he says he meant every single one of his promises.....and was just as perplexed (and ashamed and guilt ridden) when he could not keep them. that helped me forgive him :) learning about alcoholism at AA meetings continues to help me enormously. not only because it helps me understand my alcoholic, but because i see many similarities in the emotions and feelings alcoholics feel..........just i didn't drink to forget them, i wallowed in them..........
at any rate, seeing both sides is invaluable. congratulations for doing what you should be doing.
straight from the hip.
jo
teddybear said
Apr 29, 2005
Your post has touched me profoundly. It gives me hope, that there is a light, at the end of the tunnel. I admire your determination, strength, and your courage!!
I have two sons, one with a serious drinking problem, and the other son, who tells me that he does not touch alcohol anymore, yet takes perscription drugs and pot each day. I have taken the hands off policy, and I put them in the Hands of the HP each and every day. I am not saying that I find it easy, because some days I have it and other days I do not. I am still able to detach myself, and find my own happiness. Thank you so much for your post, it is very helpful to me.
I was an alcoholic & addict for almost 15 years with over 8 years sobriety under my belt... I am now a Liscensed Chemical / Alcohol Dependance Counselor. I have been on both sides of the street both personally & professionally. I, too have someone in my life (ex-husband, father of my children) who is a practicing alcoholic and as I had to learn the hard way, no one will get me clean/sober but me. I have tried everything under the sun to "help" him, from begging to psycho-analyzing, but you can't help someone with their problem if they don't see they have a problem.
I have learned not to enable him, but most importantly, not to assume his problems as a result of me. I can only be accountable for my actions, choices, decisions, etc..... It was a long hard road, but I'd take the same path again to be where I am now wsith the serenity and lack-of-chaos that fills my life. I still have bad days, but not everything is a catastrophe that I need to numb to deal (or lack there of) with.
I welcome any comments/questions or just a person to vent to....
Thank you for allowing me to be apart of you all.
co-Ko2
I just wanted to take a moment and offer my appreciation of your post and who you are as a person overcoming your addictions.... You are truly an inspiration from being on both sides.
God has certainly had mercy and blessed you tremendously.
Take Care!
Welcome co-Ko2.
You hit the nail on the head when you said you can't help somone with their problem if they don't admit they have a problem. Story of my life at present, but I'm helping myself by being here. Thanks for posting, keep coming back.
Bonnie
Hi , congratulations on your own recovery, we have alot of double winners here hope u join us in chat and meetings soon. If u can find the time add another Al-Anon meeting to yur week u will find them helpful. If u have any of our literature specifically the daily reader ODAT go to july 14th and do what it says to the best of your ability and change will happen. That page and our detachment pamphlet changed my life for the better. Pick one from the pamphlet , work it til u feel comfy with it and then start working on another. that alone will keep u busy for a few months . hehe
Obsessing about someone else's life is such a waste I spent alot yrs trying to solve his problem. go figure! bye for now hope I meet u soon in chat Louise
TO KNOW ME IS THAT I SHOOT STRAIGHT FROM THE HIP, NO B.S., NOT MANIPULATION, I WORE THE MANIPULATION CROWN FOR SO LONG I THOUGHT THE INDENTIONS WOULD NEVER FADE. ALWAYS REMEMBER WE HAVE THE ABILITY TO MAKE CHANGE JUST NOT ALWAYS THE DESIRE.
LOVE YOU FOR YOUR STGRENGTHS AND WORK ON YOUR WEEKNESSES
I DON'T SUBSCRIBE TO LOST CAUSES, JUST LOSS OF DESIRE.
HAVE A BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY, WE WERE ALL BLESSED TO WAKE UP AND RECEIVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE A FRESH START !!!
CO-KO2
PLEASE REMEMBER, MY MAILBOX WELCOMES MAIL, IF I CAN HELP OR LISTEN TO SOMEONE THAT'S JUST NOT BEING HEARD..................
hey nomorebeer
nothing i like better than a straightshooter. one of the best things i learned from aa meetings was to stop beating around the bush/walking on eggshells.
say what you mean, mean what you say. just don't say it mean.
love it. with all the games i thought i had to play to keep my alcoholic from drinking. with all the lies i heard for years.......finally some honesty!!!
i guess i am pretty naive....or a slow learner. i believed my alcoholic every time he said he would come straight home, wasn't drinking/using/stealing........etc. pretty insane behavior for anyone looking from the outside. but i was so earnest in my desire to believe, that i did. now sober, my alcoholic adds extra light to that whole scenario. he says he meant every single one of his promises.....and was just as perplexed (and ashamed and guilt ridden) when he could not keep them. that helped me forgive him :) learning about alcoholism at AA meetings continues to help me enormously. not only because it helps me understand my alcoholic, but because i see many similarities in the emotions and feelings alcoholics feel..........just i didn't drink to forget them, i wallowed in them..........
at any rate, seeing both sides is invaluable. congratulations for doing what you should be doing.
straight from the hip.
jo
Your post has touched me profoundly. It gives me hope, that there is a light, at the end of the tunnel. I admire your determination, strength, and your courage!!
I have two sons, one with a serious drinking problem, and the other son, who tells me that he does not touch alcohol anymore, yet takes perscription drugs and pot each day. I have taken the hands off policy, and I put them in the Hands of the HP each and every day. I am not saying that I find it easy, because some days I have it and other days I do not. I am still able to detach myself, and find my own happiness. Thank you so much for your post, it is very helpful to me.
May God(HP) Bless and Keep you well