This is my first time here.I can not find an alanon meeting anywhere in my area. Very rural. I called local AA and got some phone # talked to 1 very nice woman. She said some groups have tried to start, but nothing lasted. I am talking a 3 county area. I was looking for a live chat and found this.I have been crying off and on for about 5 hours, until I was sick.Husband promised a few weeks ago that he would "back off" then a very good friend of ours got killed in an auto accident.Husband made it through funeral came home and changed and left me to greive alone while he went out for 7 hours. That was 10 days ago and all has been good until I came home to an empty house again after work.Of course I know where he was. But each time it feels like a brand new wound.I just cried and cried. He trys to hug and console. He has never been abusive. Does anyone stay and live with this? Seems like a strange question, considering our 18th wedding anniversary is Sunday.And he has drank his whole adult life.Maybe because I am older 49 last month, I am questioning what my "old age" will look like. I do really love him. No I'm not afraid to go it alone. I did that when my son was young and we were poor but I did it alone then.I don't think you give advice here but if you do go ahead. Do I just love him and occupy myself with other things when he has a binge day? He doesn't miss work either, he is a morning disc jockey and has the whole day to himself after 11:00am.
kismetstrand said
Apr 26, 2005
((((Whatif)))))) <<<hugs
Glad you found us! Alanon is all about helping us find happiness whether we are with an active drinker or not. It is a gradual process, learning the program, working the steps ourselves...but it does work!! We have online meetings here twice a day and open chat the rest of the time. Please come visit us in chat, would love to meet you! Welcome to the family!!
Luv, Kis
Dolphin123 said
Apr 27, 2005
(((Whatif))))
So glad you are here, keep coming back. My name says newbie, but I am a newbie here, been in alanon for 4 years.
I just got back from an alanon meeting and discovered something. Everyone comes to alanon wanting a list of DO's and Dont's, for four years I have heard that we don't have one. Can you belive that we do? It is in the pamplet, "Alcoholism th Family Disease" pg. 23; I would like to share this list with you.
Do:
Forgive, Be honest with yourself, Be humble, Take it easy-tension is harmful, Play-find recreation and hobbies, Keep on trying whenever you fail, Learn the facts about alcoholism, Attend Alanon meetings often, and pray.
Don't:
Be self-righteous, try to dominate,nag, scold, and complain, Lose your temper, Try to push anyone but yourself, Keep bringing up the past, Keep checking up on the alcoholic, Wallow in self pitty, Make threats you don't intend to carry out, Be over protective, Be a doormat.
I have been with my "A" for almost 8 years, he has been active alot of this time. I choose to stay because I love him, and I know the man I love is still in there. Right now the addict is in control, but he is still there. I have hope that I will see him again soon. I pray, I feel that my Higher Power will let me know if I should ever give that hope up.
Your decision to stay or go is yours. Noone else can make that for you.
We don't give advice. I always say that I am too messed up to tell someone else what to do. Some suggestions that may work, Keep coming back. I get so much out if the meetings online and the open chat. Find a sponsor. Someone who can guide you through the steps. And just know that we love you, and we are here for you.
Hope to see you in the room soon,
Dolphin123
aka DolphinLur
jj said
Apr 27, 2005
((((((((((((whatif)))))))))))) <-------hugs
Welcome!!! I am glad that you are here.. I used this board and the teice daily meetings as I first thought that I could not find meetings for me to go to. It does help but face to face really did bring me out of my protective shell. I have been asked to go to AA meetings by another member of AA this person speaking and plain just conversations help me sooooo much. You most definately CAN go to AA. AA and Al anon follow the same 12 step program.
My husband has never found sobriety but I do know the feeling of wanting or expecting him home when I come home I can so relate to how you are feeling. Go do something for you.. concentrate on what can make you happy even if it for just a moment.
Expectations lead to premeditated disapointment.
I hope that you keep coming back
Love in recovery JJ
whatif said
Apr 27, 2005
Thank you all. I've managed about 4 1/2 hours of sleep and now must get ready for work. I will come back! I probably should buy some books since I can't find a meeting. Where should I start? Thanks again so much. whatif
lin0606 said
Apr 27, 2005
If you look right below the bootm post on this page, you will find a link to the bookstore. You can also get a lot of books from the local library - I live in a rural area too, and it was so liberating just to go to the library and take out the books, not caring what anybody would think or say. (As if they didn't see his car parked outside the bar every day, all day!)
megan said
Apr 27, 2005
Hi Whatif and welcome
This board is a wonderful place to share our experience strebgth and hope. The online meetings are similar to the face to face meetings and very helpful.
I have the alanon Courage to change book that I read daily.
then I have also read the "Getting them sober" series of books. Very helpful practical information for living with an alcoholic.
One thing I have learned is that when alcoholics are stressed they drink. It is as predictable as the sun rising and setting
It is how they cope.
Welcome
sooner said
Apr 27, 2005
Hi whatif! Thanks for sharing some of where you are right now. I believe you're in the right place! Please keep coming back. I think you'll find what you're looking for here. Thanks again for sharing and welcome aboard!
Sooner :)
fiona123 said
Apr 27, 2005
WELCOME whatif
SO glad you found us
these nice folks have saved my life
i honestly think i would have ended my life after my divorce , had my Higher power not led me here
i LOVE the books ... i live with them
read them in the morning and at night and I love to look in the index when i am having trouble and read on topics *fear* *let go and let God * this sort of thing
One quick thought on the books
if money is an issue
you might wanna look on ebay
might get the books for a song and shipping is usually cheaper than amazon
that said
amazon .com often has them USED , but be careful of what the shipping is gonna cost you
Hope you keep coming to join us in finding your miracles
Love in recovery
Fiona
sanddie said
Apr 27, 2005
Not all stay and deal with it-- I don't! I love my ex a and he will ALWAYS be in my heart. However, I analyzed my needs and finally came to a decision that I wanted to be in a loving, kind, compassionate relationship. It was VERY difficult to let go and get out to start that life over, BUT I completely TRUSTED IN GOD to get me through and there is ONE thing I can say is that GOD will NEVER disappoint me-- the peace that comes with my choices and decisions that are right will ALWAYS prevail.
It's all about choices and what we feel as individuals WE NEED to have peace in our heart, mind, and soul. It's NOT about being obligated to care about someone and someone who remains in their "poor me" attitude and expects someone else to continually be in that relationship with them is very selfish and essentially abusive. I've been on both sides, enabled and the enabler. I choose to stay balanced and learn from my mistakes so I can have a healthy relationship some day.
Hang in there and focus on YOU. Remember that abuse is not just limited to physical. There is emotional, mental, and spiritual. Of all the types of abuse each are detrimental to our well-being. It is up to us to determine if we wish to live our life with such abuse.
abbyal said
Apr 27, 2005
Hello whatif, so glad u found us ,we have meetings here daily 9am and pm eastern time, please come here and in the chat room u will find people who will share thier recovery with you. There is nothing ucan do about him but alot u can do for yourself. good idea to call AA but they are often not informed of our meetings try calling the international number for al anon info, there just might be one around after all . 1-888-4alanon lines are open 8am - pm Mon thru Friday. good luck.
Your said your 49 that is about the age I started in Al-Anon that was along time ago , working this program changed my life for the better. It is never too late to get happy. regardless of what he is doing. hope to meet u in chat room soon . Louise
((((Whatif)))))) <<<hugs
Glad you found us! Alanon is all about helping us find happiness whether we are with an active drinker or not. It is a gradual process, learning the program, working the steps ourselves...but it does work!! We have online meetings here twice a day and open chat the rest of the time. Please come visit us in chat, would love to meet you! Welcome to the family!!
Luv, Kis
(((Whatif))))
So glad you are here, keep coming back. My name says newbie, but I am a newbie here, been in alanon for 4 years.
I just got back from an alanon meeting and discovered something. Everyone comes to alanon wanting a list of DO's and Dont's, for four years I have heard that we don't have one. Can you belive that we do? It is in the pamplet, "Alcoholism th Family Disease" pg. 23; I would like to share this list with you.
Do:
Forgive, Be honest with yourself, Be humble, Take it easy-tension is harmful, Play-find recreation and hobbies, Keep on trying whenever you fail, Learn the facts about alcoholism, Attend Alanon meetings often, and pray.
Don't:
Be self-righteous, try to dominate,nag, scold, and complain, Lose your temper, Try to push anyone but yourself, Keep bringing up the past, Keep checking up on the alcoholic, Wallow in self pitty, Make threats you don't intend to carry out, Be over protective, Be a doormat.
I have been with my "A" for almost 8 years, he has been active alot of this time. I choose to stay because I love him, and I know the man I love is still in there. Right now the addict is in control, but he is still there. I have hope that I will see him again soon. I pray, I feel that my Higher Power will let me know if I should ever give that hope up.
Your decision to stay or go is yours. Noone else can make that for you.
We don't give advice. I always say that I am too messed up to tell someone else what to do. Some suggestions that may work, Keep coming back. I get so much out if the meetings online and the open chat. Find a sponsor. Someone who can guide you through the steps. And just know that we love you, and we are here for you.
Hope to see you in the room soon,
Dolphin123
aka DolphinLur
((((((((((((whatif)))))))))))) <-------hugs
Welcome!!! I am glad that you are here.. I used this board and the teice daily meetings as I first thought that I could not find meetings for me to go to. It does help but face to face really did bring me out of my protective shell. I have been asked to go to AA meetings by another member of AA this person speaking and plain just conversations help me sooooo much. You most definately CAN go to AA. AA and Al anon follow the same 12 step program.
My husband has never found sobriety but I do know the feeling of wanting or expecting him home when I come home I can so relate to how you are feeling. Go do something for you.. concentrate on what can make you happy even if it for just a moment.
Expectations lead to premeditated disapointment.
I hope that you keep coming back
Love in recovery
JJ
Thank you all. I've managed about 4 1/2 hours of sleep and now must get ready for work. I will come back! I probably should buy some books since I can't find a meeting. Where should I start? Thanks again so much. whatif
Hi Whatif and welcome
This board is a wonderful place to share our experience strebgth and hope. The online meetings are similar to the face to face meetings and very helpful.
I have the alanon Courage to change book that I read daily.
then I have also read the "Getting them sober" series of books. Very helpful practical information for living with an alcoholic.
One thing I have learned is that when alcoholics are stressed they drink. It is as predictable as the sun rising and setting
It is how they cope.
Welcome
WELCOME whatif
SO glad you found us
these nice folks have saved my life
i honestly think i would have ended my life after my divorce , had my Higher power not led me here
i LOVE the books ... i live with them
read them in the morning and at night and I love to look in the index when i am having trouble and read on topics *fear* *let go and let God * this sort of thing
One quick thought on the books
if money is an issue
you might wanna look on ebay
might get the books for a song and shipping is usually cheaper than amazon
that said
amazon .com often has them USED , but be careful of what the shipping is gonna cost you
Hope you keep coming to join us in finding your miracles
Love in recovery
Fiona
Not all stay and deal with it-- I don't! I love my ex a and he will ALWAYS be in my heart. However, I analyzed my needs and finally came to a decision that I wanted to be in a loving, kind, compassionate relationship. It was VERY difficult to let go and get out to start that life over, BUT I completely TRUSTED IN GOD to get me through and there is ONE thing I can say is that GOD will NEVER disappoint me-- the peace that comes with my choices and decisions that are right will ALWAYS prevail.
It's all about choices and what we feel as individuals WE NEED to have peace in our heart, mind, and soul. It's NOT about being obligated to care about someone and someone who remains in their "poor me" attitude and expects someone else to continually be in that relationship with them is very selfish and essentially abusive. I've been on both sides, enabled and the enabler. I choose to stay balanced and learn from my mistakes so I can have a healthy relationship some day.
Hang in there and focus on YOU. Remember that abuse is not just limited to physical. There is emotional, mental, and spiritual. Of all the types of abuse each are detrimental to our well-being. It is up to us to determine if we wish to live our life with such abuse.
Hello whatif, so glad u found us ,we have meetings here daily 9am and pm eastern time, please come here and in the chat room u will find people who will share thier recovery with you. There is nothing ucan do about him but alot u can do for yourself. good idea to call AA but they are often not informed of our meetings try calling the international number for al anon info, there just might be one around after all . 1-888-4alanon lines are open 8am - pm Mon thru Friday. good luck.
Your said your 49 that is about the age I started in Al-Anon that was along time ago , working this program changed my life for the better. It is never too late to get happy. regardless of what he is doing. hope to meet u in chat room soon . Louise