Hello everyone ! my name is Linda, i really dont know where to start so i guess i'll muddle along til i have myself together. I just joined a few days ago and have been reading the posts. they have given me much insight, and have really help me understand better my A . I have known my A for almost two years now, though we were not a couple then, just worked together and were friends. we have been together now for almost 8 months now. i have watched his struggle with alcohol, have known about it before we got together. and excepted it. excepted what i knew i could not change, but hoped, maybe foolishly that i could help him , in any way possible. he does have some issues, {dont we all ! lol.} i can admit it! i do! he has me and the AA meetings for support, his parents aren't positively supportive, its like tough love, but lord they are really hard on him, his sister tries to be supportive. it has been difficult to watch and at the same time try to help as much as i can, though we both know only he can do this, one day at a time, one step at a time, i am trying not to get my hopes up too much cause i know he might fall off the wagon again, he had 13 months sober before ,around the time we met, its been on and off since, now that we have been together i understand how hard it is, for him, and for me. the fears i hold insided, for him, for us, for me, they are in the background. im so thankful i found this al-anon group, i had been searching for a few weeks, even posted a message board on aol trying to find a support group or to start one, no luck, then i found you guys, i hopei can be of help and that i can also be helped in our situations, all different, yet the same. sometimes i have felt its my fault he has been haviong trouble staying sober, but he has told me its not me at all, he has had counseling, and rehab, and learned a lot from that, from him i am learning also, and hopfully from you guys, i hope im welcome here, i wasnt sure if i would fit in, dont know why, but i had thought that.
must go for now, {{{{hugs and love to all}}}}}
fiona123 said
Apr 26, 2005
Hi There
You are VERY welcome here dear ! SO glad you found us . The wonderful people at this site have helped to save my life ,... i was at a personal bottom when i arrived and feeling like I would rather die than live the life I was living
that was 2 yrs ago ...i still have ups and downs ..sadly, I loved a man who was not able to embrace recovery ,...and after 17 yrs together he left me to go drink like he *wanted * to drink
i was devestated ...but things have slowly imporved for me and alanon gets me thru each day
and no , you don't make him drink or not drink in alanon, we have a saying the Three C' s
I didnt cause it
I cant control it
I cant cure it
sometimes this can be comforting
Personally , I find the alanon literature an immense comfort and I love face to face meetings
Hope you will come on in to the chat room too
Welcome ! *hugs*
Fiona 123
DanaAngel said
Apr 27, 2005
Hi Linda,
Thanks for the great post- you found this site and that's a good step. When you talked about the A's family that really rung a bell with me- my addict works for his parents in the family business (and his sister is in it too, although she has gone and branched off with her own store). Things can get pretty intense and emotions run very high. (Also, I work for them too!!! : Especially since the business is doing the down hill slide right now. This site is a lifesaver when I am frustrated, lonely, angry, anxious, sad, depressed, you name it, I've been through it - also my addict is a recovering sex addict in addition to being in AA. I also go to f2f meetings in a couple of different programs when I can get there (we only have one car now) in addition to the online meetings in the chatroom. I do not share so openly in f2f meetings, as I am quite reserved in "real" life, so this site has really helped me a lot. Also one of these days I may actually get a "real" sponsor, but I am one who believes when it is time the teacher will appear. Glad you are here, and sorry I rambled on. Dana
lin0606 said
Apr 27, 2005
Hi Linda, glad you have found us.
If he is actively involved in AA, there is probably a lot of AA literature around the house. Reading some of it will help you to understand where he is. You might also get something out of going to the occasional open AA meeting - they can be very inspiring.
More important, though, than supporting him, is helping yourself. Even a sober A actively working his program, can be difficult to be involved with, as they have so many emotional issues, they have so much to learn about being part of a relationship with another person, rather than the previous most important relationship, drinking.
If you possibly can get to a face to face meeting, give it a try. They say to give it six months, and then if you want, we'll gladly give you your unhappiness back (have I got that quote right, alanoners?) I did not join the program until after my A sobered up - I now find that 'talking program ' is one of the bonds between us.
sooner said
Apr 27, 2005
Hello Linda and welcome to our family! Of course you fit in! Please make yourself at home...you're with freinds now and thanks for sharing!
Warmth and hugs to you both!
Sooner :)
GypsyRose71 said
Apr 27, 2005
fiona, lin0606, sooner, and Dana,
Thank you for the warm welcome. i do go to AA meetings when i can, when they are open, and they have helped me a lot to understand more. we do have AA literature around, he has his big book, and some others. we have read them together, and i have read them by myself , ans yes, the three C's are comforting, i try remembering them now when i feel frustrated or upset. i did try going in the chat room, lol!, had some difficulties though doing a nick name, i kept going in as a guest instead, so i popped in and out til i gave up, but i will try again, no need to apologize for rambling, please do ! i know i need to help myself also, that i have learned. so here i am. i have much more to learn i know, but i will, a step at a time. i know it wont be easy,life never is, even harder with an A. but learn i will. there is an al-anon meeting in my area, though i havent gone as of yet, they meet once a week in my area, the others are farther away, for now i stay close to home.
everyone has their ups and downs, we all do, its dealing with it that isnt easy, but i try. i excepted this before we even became an official couple. i had to , i think, cause even though i tried really hard not to, i fell in love with my A, and even knowing that, took me even longer to admit. im rambling now, sorry!, lol ,i know, but thats ok, every bit of talking about our situations helps us all a great deal, i think, it definitely is helping me cope with things. thank you all !! i know i will learn much from you guys, thanks again for the welxome. hope everyone is having a good day.
{{{hugs}}}
abbyal said
Apr 28, 2005
Hello Rose , glad u posted here, you said u are going to open AA meetings , are u also a recovering A? If not I hope that u will get to an Al-Anon meeting for yourself , your going to need them if u plan on having a relationship with him. to me that is the best way to support our A's get our own program and sta outa thier face. AA meetings are good occasionally but they are still about him, Al-Anon is for you. give us a try for a few months and see how feel then . good luck Louise
GypsyRose71 said
Apr 28, 2005
Dear Abby, [lol]
no im not a recovering A, i am in a relationship with an A, i go to his open meetings when i can to show my support ,and to learn, i know i have much to learn about this disease, i try helping in any way i can, today is day 16 sober, and i am proud of my A , though he told me not to be, but regardless i am. i know they are for him and he needs them, we both know this, without them he wouldnt make it too long, i joined the al-anon group here knowing it would help me emmensely to understand him better and this disease, and knowing i needed support and hopefully to give support back as well. i have no plans of giving up, i learned a long time ago to be strong, emotionallyand pscyhcologically, through the rough times in my life, it wasnt an easy road to travel , but i did, years later i am a stronger person, it took a long time in this learning process for me. thank you for your post,al-anon has helped me so much in the short time i have joined.i still have fears, and sometimes feel anxious, but im learning to take better care of me.and remembering the three C's, that helps remind me that its not my fault if things go wrong, it will get me through, i pray, another thing i am learning to do, again.
hope you are having a great day, and again, thank you Louise
Hello everyone ! my name is Linda, i really dont know where to start so i guess i'll muddle along til i have myself together. I just joined a few days ago and have been reading the posts. they have given me much insight, and have really help me understand better my A . I have known my A for almost two years now, though we were not a couple then, just worked together and were friends. we have been together now for almost 8 months now. i have watched his struggle with alcohol, have known about it before we got together. and excepted it. excepted what i knew i could not change, but hoped, maybe foolishly that i could help him , in any way possible. he does have some issues, {dont we all ! lol.} i can admit it! i do! he has me and the AA meetings for support, his parents aren't positively supportive, its like tough love, but lord they are really hard on him, his sister tries to be supportive. it has been difficult to watch and at the same time try to help as much as i can, though we both know only he can do this, one day at a time, one step at a time, i am trying not to get my hopes up too much cause i know he might fall off the wagon again, he had 13 months sober before ,around the time we met, its been on and off since, now that we have been together i understand how hard it is, for him, and for me. the fears i hold insided, for him, for us, for me, they are in the background. im so thankful i found this al-anon group, i had been searching for a few weeks, even posted a message board on aol trying to find a support group or to start one, no luck, then i found you guys, i hopei can be of help and that i can also be helped in our situations, all different, yet the same. sometimes i have felt its my fault he has been haviong trouble staying sober, but he has told me its not me at all, he has had counseling, and rehab, and learned a lot from that, from him i am learning also, and hopfully from you guys, i hope im welcome here, i wasnt sure if i would fit in, dont know why, but i had thought that.
must go for now, {{{{hugs and love to all}}}}}
Hi There
You are VERY welcome here dear ! SO glad you found us . The wonderful people at this site have helped to save my life ,... i was at a personal bottom when i arrived and feeling like I would rather die than live the life I was living
that was 2 yrs ago ...i still have ups and downs ..sadly, I loved a man who was not able to embrace recovery ,...and after 17 yrs together he left me to go drink like he *wanted * to drink
i was devestated ...but things have slowly imporved for me and alanon gets me thru each day
and no , you don't make him drink or not drink in alanon, we have a saying the Three C' s
I didnt cause it
I cant control it
I cant cure it
sometimes this can be comforting
Personally , I find the alanon literature an immense comfort and I love face to face meetings
Hope you will come on in to the chat room too
Welcome ! *hugs*
Fiona 123
Hi Linda,
Thanks for the great post- you found this site and that's a good step. When you talked about the A's family that really rung a bell with me- my addict works for his parents in the family business (and his sister is in it too, although she has gone and branched off with her own store). Things can get pretty intense and emotions run very high. (Also, I work for them too!!!
: Especially since the business is doing the down hill slide right now. This site is a lifesaver when I am frustrated, lonely, angry, anxious, sad, depressed, you name it, I've been through it - also my addict is a recovering sex addict in addition to being in AA. I also go to f2f meetings in a couple of different programs when I can get there (we only have one car now) in addition to the online meetings in the chatroom. I do not share so openly in f2f meetings, as I am quite reserved in "real" life, so this site has really helped me a lot. Also one of these days I may actually get a "real" sponsor, but I am one who believes when it is time the teacher will appear. Glad you are here, and sorry I rambled on. Dana
fiona, lin0606, sooner, and Dana,
Thank you for the warm welcome. i do go to AA meetings when i can, when they are open, and they have helped me a lot to understand more. we do have AA literature around, he has his big book, and some others. we have read them together, and i have read them by myself , ans yes, the three C's are comforting, i try remembering them now when i feel frustrated or upset. i did try going in the chat room, lol!, had some difficulties though doing a nick name, i kept going in as a guest instead, so i popped in and out til i gave up, but i will try again, no need to apologize for rambling, please do ! i know i need to help myself also, that i have learned. so here i am. i have much more to learn i know, but i will, a step at a time. i know it wont be easy,life never is, even harder with an A. but learn i will. there is an al-anon meeting in my area, though i havent gone as of yet, they meet once a week in my area, the others are farther away, for now i stay close to home.
everyone has their ups and downs, we all do, its dealing with it that isnt easy, but i try. i excepted this before we even became an official couple. i had to , i think, cause even though i tried really hard not to, i fell in love with my A, and even knowing that, took me even longer to admit. im rambling now, sorry!, lol ,i know, but thats ok, every bit of talking about our situations helps us all a great deal, i think, it definitely is helping me cope with things. thank you all !! i know i will learn much from you guys, thanks again for the welxome. hope everyone is having a good day.
{{{hugs}}}
Hello Rose , glad u posted here, you said u are going to open AA meetings , are u also a recovering A? If not I hope that u will get to an Al-Anon meeting for yourself , your going to need them if u plan on having a relationship with him. to me that is the best way to support our A's get our own program and sta outa thier face. AA meetings are good occasionally but they are still about him, Al-Anon is for you. give us a try for a few months and see how feel then . good luck Louise
Dear Abby, [lol]
no im not a recovering A, i am in a relationship with an A, i go to his open meetings when i can to show my support ,and to learn, i know i have much to learn about this disease, i try helping in any way i can, today is day 16 sober, and i am proud of my A , though he told me not to be, but regardless i am. i know they are for him and he needs them, we both know this, without them he wouldnt make it too long, i joined the al-anon group here knowing it would help me emmensely to understand him better and this disease, and knowing i needed support and hopefully to give support back as well. i have no plans of giving up, i learned a long time ago to be strong, emotionallyand pscyhcologically, through the rough times in my life, it wasnt an easy road to travel , but i did, years later i am a stronger person, it took a long time in this learning process for me. thank you for your post,al-anon has helped me so much in the short time i have joined.i still have fears, and sometimes feel anxious, but im learning to take better care of me.and remembering the three C's, that helps remind me that its not my fault if things go wrong, it will get me through, i pray, another thing i am learning to do, again.
hope you are having a great day, and again, thank you Louise