HI guys

I have recently come back to the board after a long abscence .... I am so grateful to all of you who have  the courage and generosity to share

share your stories , your hearts , your prayers , your feelings , your experience, strength and hope !

I have been doing a lot of re-examining as i read the board

I am ashamed to admit that , even after 2+ yrs of active program and 4 yrs away from my ex ... I still struggle w/ living in the past with him ... in the *good times*

He was jekykl & hyde ... when he was good he was GREAT and when he was  bad he was terrifying

I used to tell him that i had a visual for the abuse he heaped upon me .. it was a pail in my tummy and every time he abused me , he was tossing a stone in the pail .... that one day .. the pail would become so full of rocks .. it would fill up ...become too heavy for me to carry

then it would spill over ...empty out ... leaving me empty of love for him and I would be gone

he never believed me

and , sadly , my prophecy came true

he put one too many rocks in my pail for me to bear

now here i am

still in God's Hallway ... but VERY grateful for all of you who give me such hope and make it easier for me to move on

Thank you all

Much Love ,

fiona

  Thanks for putting your thoughts and feelings into words.  I am grateful for this program for my forward movements to carry on.   My experiences with alcoholics are:  I like you or I love you, but you're just too exhausting!  That alone would kill me.