Incorporating my woundedness into my being makes me whole.

I look back at childhood pictures and see how wounded I appear.  Yet I still hear the voices of those who dismissed and shunned me as that wounded child with statements such as "Don't turn your lip-out."  ..."Put a smile on your face."   ..."Crying will get you nowhere."   "You've  got nothing to cry about."  Much of my life I have been split off from myself in an effort to avoid this sad child.  But the distance I tried to create between me and her only became a measure of my loneliness.  For without her, I cannot be whole.

In my healing I have learned that while I regret that the abuse happened, my pain and suffering are meaningful.  They are the sources that beckon me to look within, and doing so has given me the opportunity to deepen myself and seek spiritual connection.  I carry photos of my wounded child in my wallet and have shown her to others who were able to see her pain.  I do not try to push her aside, even if her presence might slow me down.  I know I must integrate her, not ignore her, or be overtaken by her needs.  She is a part of my being and recognizing that makes me whole. 

--from Daybreak, Hazelden 1991   (Mediatations for Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse, but these readings help me in alanon, too.)     

 

Hello Wallsal55 and thankyou for sharing this...means a lot to me today. On my bedroom wall I put up an 8x10 of me as a happy 3 yr. old. There is joy and light and life in my eyes. I am handsome and happy. Up in the corner of the frame I put a small photo of me when I was 12. The light has gone out of my eyes and there is nothing but despair and hoplesness. My recovery path is all about the restoration of a soul...a miracle in progress. That 12 year old has not been forgotten and I have gone back to rescue him. He needs me to stand up for him and to put my arms around him. He had been patiently waiting back there for me all along. Thanks wallsal :) Sooner