Hi Everyone,

I’m Dewi and this is my first time posting.  I’m a grateful member of al-anon for almost three years. My 16-year-old daughter’s drug problems brought me to al-anon while she spent time in Rehab; she then attended a loving nurturing therapeutic boarding school for two years where she found her recovery.

While she was finding her recovery and  gathering the tools to living, a healthy life I’m grateful I found my own recovery through Al-anon. She was my drug of choice. Finding serenity in my own life when my child had so many problems was one of the greatest challenges I've ever had as a parent.  

Along this journey while facilitating helping my adolescent daughter, I realized I am married to an alcoholic.  

Dewi

Hi Dewi and welcome

I am happy for you and your daughter that she is in recovery.

"You realized that you were married to an alcoholic"

I realized the same thing last July. I never saw it until we couldn't go on vacation because he was drunk and I spent 7 days and nights together with him instead of escaping to work...

Then I saw it, and ran to alanon to fix my husband up and get him to stop drinking.

But, I learned, that I must take care of me and my issues and problems and leave his recovery, if it is to happen, up to him.

You are in the tight place

welcome

Hello

I agree with Megan. You have to leave it up to him. My experience is that you can only identify this illness from its consequences -- not from the fact that an individual drinks. Can he see those consequences? If he does, he may be interested in aa. Keep at it for yourself. Best wishes. Gault

Hello Dewi,

Welcome :) I hope I get to meet you in the chatroom or talk with you more on this message board. I did reply to a post that you replied to below if you would like to check there. My daughter is the alcholic/drug addict in my life and is 20. Alanon has helped me to be happier and healthier. your friend in recovery, cdb :)

Hi,

Glad you're here.  I believe it's optimal to go to face to face meetings, but it's nice to come here especially when it's 3 am, or you're too sick to get to a face meeting.  The people here are really nice and warm hearted.  I am glad your daughter found recovery & help.  I'm glad you too found recovery in al anon. 

I'm sorry to hear about your husband.  Just think, you already have the tools & concepts of al anon to help you there too.  Stay strong.

Welcome, So glad you are here!

Hi Dewi

My name says newbie ..but actually i have been around alanon 86-92  and back since 02

(thank God )

I relate to the *discovered I was married to one * I was w/ my man ( now ex hubby) for over 2 yrs before I knew he was an A and another yr before i could admit it

this was in the mid 80s

it took a friend going to a 30 day place, coming home and saying " hes a drunk , he needs AA and YOU arfe a codependaent who needs alanon .. GET THERE  or your relationship is doomed"

She was right

hell it took  me 15 yrs to figure out my dad was a drunk coz i never saw him drunk

i am so grateful to be in alanon  too

it has seen me through the death of both parents , a divorce *sighs*  and is helping me build a new life

WELCOME ABOARD!
Love in Recovery

Fiona

Hello Dewi, amazing the things we overlook when obsessed with someone else's life. How fortunate for you  tht u are already in the Al-Anon program, this program has improved all of my relationships, drunk or sober.  Glad u decided to post here maybe we wll see u in the chat room sometime.  Louise

Thanks for the warm welcome.

To share more about me.  For two years, I went to F2F meetings every day and to a therapist who supported me in the steps. In the past year I attended meeting less often (a few times a week), as I needed to get back to work and taking care of my business. The natural evolution of attending meetings is that I work more now and try to attend a meeting at least once a week. Keeping a stronger focus on work at this time in my life is a very good thing for me.

Yesterday I wanted to attend a meeting but had family commitments to go visiting to celebrate Passover. So I searched the internet in the morning and found all of you!  The feeling had been remarkable after reading the board for an hour and a half. I felt like I was at a meeting. You know that refreshed feeling with greater insight you get when walking out of a good meeting, that’s how I felt. This board certainly can be of help to fill in when I can’t make f2f meeting and would like to be at one. 

My husband’s beverage consumption and nightly pot smoking started bothering me when our daughter worked so hard to remain sober. All along he’s been on the same page with me and involved facilitating her treatment and eager to attend the family therapy and supportive of her sobriety. He has his own twisted view of his issues with alcohol and pot and I’m not getting involved in making my life miserable any longer. Today I have choices and tools to better my life. I guess if he bothered me enough I would leave him, but I’m not in that place in our relationship.

Dewi