Ok, I just might have gone off the wall. My A wife has a drinking and gambling problem. She has been sober for the last three weeks. Apparantly thinking I would condone her playing Bingo if she didn't drink($9000.00 last year) When I didn't she started getting more and more hostile each time an opportunity to play was missed. Tonight she gave me the option of taking her out for a couple of drinks or she was going to buy a bottle and drink at home. When I told her "No" she got upset of course and threatened that I wasn't helping her and that the only reason she was not drinking was because of me threatening to leave her and so on and so on. I didn't take the blame. Our 13 daughter's birthday is the first of next week, she called her home from a friends to give her a birthday present then sent her back to her friends before she went to get her bottle. When she got back with the bottle I called the kids home 8 & 13 (Very aware of Mom's drinking) and called my wifes mother and let her know she was drinking again. I must say I made quite a specticle out of it. Now everything is my fault but I am tried of protecting her and covering up her drinking.
Anew123 said
Apr 22, 2005
Good for you for no longer throwing the blanket over the elephant & tip-toeing around it. Yes, the craziness of the disease is just that. (((((hugs to your daughter)))))) and Happy Birthday to her too! I encourage you to visit with us Miracles in Progress in on-line in chat & meetings; plus get yourself to some face-to-face meetings, if you haven't already. The program is a simple one, but it ain't easy. Thank you for posting in here. You are loved in a very special way! Anew
richard said
Apr 23, 2005
Maybe, if you quit letting your wife make you her focal point as her conscience, things might change for the better. There is a big battle going on in her conscience which she transfers to you making you the bad guy. And, of course, it is most likely that your false ego gets a big boost out of that.
Just my thought.
With caring,
mastiff said
Apr 23, 2005
Another member once told me that when an a has a slip they will problably be looking for a fight so to say. They want a excuse (besides themselfs) for their slip to be "ok", to be put in the victim role so to speak. I am sooooo proud of you that you didn't fall into that trap, that you didn't become her "excuse." You just remember the 3 C's right now, and know that you are not the cause of her slip. I was told of a member who's a husband had a slip, her words and actions towards him where something like this; She sat herself down at the table with him and said, I'm sorry you keep doing this to yourself. I'm dissappointed, but I'm going to be ok. Then got up and walked away. The important word in that sentance being "I." I was told that the husband knew he was in deep doodoo when she said that cause he knew he was in this on his own now.
So very proud of your response to this disease, Lots of love, Trina
megan said
Apr 23, 2005
Hi
Manipulation.The A's are amsters of this. If you do this then that.
I am happy for you that you are no longer covering up.
I like the response that said I am so sorry you keep doing this to yourslef.
I will certainly use this one.
Beskem said
Apr 23, 2005
Thanks everyone, I so expected to get chewed out for doing something wrong. It is sso hard to make the right reaction in a moments notice. She went to an AA meeting last night and it didn't help, of course she was drunk when she was there. She is still being hateful this morning and still blaming me for her slip but I have pretty much just gone on about my day and not exposed myself to her abusive words.
fiona123 said
Apr 23, 2005
hello and WELCOME !
I am so sorry to hear of your present circumstances with the disease
I am so glad you are in alanon
I have lived as you have and alanon saved our family , in the years the kids were grwoing up
I found the literature especially helpful
do you have any?
You are in the right place dear
please stick around long enough for the miracles to happen !
Love in recovery ,
Fiona123
Mark S said
Apr 24, 2005
Tom,
Hey it is really good to see ya.. havent heard from ya since your trip to fla. during spring break...lol I envied ya, drop me an e-mail and let me know how it went. Since I haven't heard from ya I figured things were going either really well or not so well. I guess I was wrong on both accounts as what you describe is pretty standard stuff, including your reaction, I did that, I wish I hadn't though. I guess it was good because it was anorher start of my realizing that I couldn't control things that were out of my control and I simply made things worse all around by thinking that my manipulations by "pointing" out the wrongs of "her" would in some way change things. Ya know, she gonna drink til she is done with it, not much you are gonna be able to do about it. I'm sorry things are not what you had hoped for. Guess things happen in Gods time...it is comming for you my friend. Until then keep track of you and your kids as this is where you really need to be. Keep in touch, always enjoy hearing from ya.
Glad to be back!!
Mark S
Good for you for no longer throwing the blanket over the elephant & tip-toeing around it. Yes, the craziness of the disease is just that. (((((hugs to your daughter)))))) and Happy Birthday to her too! I encourage you to visit with us Miracles in Progress in on-line in chat & meetings; plus get yourself to some face-to-face meetings, if you haven't already. The program is a simple one, but it ain't easy. Thank you for posting in here. You are loved in a very special way! Anew
Maybe, if you quit letting your wife make you her focal point as her conscience, things might change for the better. There is a big battle going on in her conscience which she transfers to you making you the bad guy. And, of course, it is most likely that your false ego gets a big boost out of that.
Just my thought.
With caring,
Another member once told me that when an a has a slip they will problably be looking for a fight so to say. They want a excuse (besides themselfs) for their slip to be "ok", to be put in the victim role so to speak. I am sooooo proud of you that you didn't fall into that trap, that you didn't become her "excuse." You just remember the 3 C's right now, and know that you are not the cause of her slip. I was told of a member who's a husband had a slip, her words and actions towards him where something like this; She sat herself down at the table with him and said, I'm sorry you keep doing this to yourself. I'm dissappointed, but I'm going to be ok. Then got up and walked away. The important word in that sentance being "I." I was told that the husband knew he was in deep doodoo when she said that cause he knew he was in this on his own now.
So very proud of your response to this disease, Lots of love, Trina
Hi
Manipulation.The A's are amsters of this. If you do this then that.
I am happy for you that you are no longer covering up.
I like the response that said I am so sorry you keep doing this to yourslef.
I will certainly use this one.
hello and WELCOME !
I am so sorry to hear of your present circumstances with the disease
I am so glad you are in alanon
I have lived as you have and alanon saved our family , in the years the kids were grwoing up
I found the literature especially helpful
do you have any?
You are in the right place dear
please stick around long enough for the miracles to happen !
Love in recovery ,
Fiona123