Hello all.. Sorry I do not post more.. I have been doing alot of work and trying to work thru some things.. As of now as the topic says i am working on grief.. Not sure how i am doing at this time with it.. I have started writting grief letters.. The first one was to my sister who passed 11 years ago on jan 4th of this year.. I did not relize all the anger i had towards her.. I did not realize how messed up i was when she died.. I never grieved for her or anyone i have lost.. I have always played the same roll i did growing up.. I have been theone to be there for everyone in my family and put myself aside.. now i am starting the work and the problem is there is nobody to be strong for.. i am feeling so many things and not even sure how to put some of it into words.. about the only things i can put into words is that i am feeling alot of anger and very alone.. I know i am not alone is this as i have all of you.. i have those in the chat rooms and the ones in my F2F meetings.. I also have program friends out of state and my sponser so i am far from alone and i know this.. its just how i feel right now.. i feel like i need to ask for help in this however i am not sure how to.. i dont know what to ask for.. i feel like just screaming and crying right now.. i have been doing some reading on grief and even did some writting.. i was hopeing that it would help me sort some of this out.. and other then reading what i have been told over andover again that grief is a nomal process it did not seem to help as much as i thought that it would.. i dont know.. probly just me.. i dont know what to do.. i dont know how to handle this and i dont know how to face it.. i am not even sure why i am posting this.. i guess just in hopes that someone on here will be able to help me without me haveing to say what i need help with as i am not sure.. If not that is ok.. I understand.. I am very greatful to have all the people in program that i do.. for the first time in my life i feel like i really do have people on my side... Thank you all for that..

 

Love and Hugs

Cathy:confused

Cathy, thank you for posting and for sharing your concerns and feelings.  I wish I could reach right out there and give you a big hug and offer some comforting words.  Whenever I feel confused and I don't know where to turn, I find the most peace in my readings which connect me to my HP and lighten my spirit...reading the posts on this board also raise me to a different level which I find very comforting.  I then have a greater realization of why I am here, and how little control I have over what happens to me or around me...such as illness, accidents, etc.; I just have to submit to all that I can't control.  When I realize how temporal things are, I become free...it is just a matter of reminding myself frequently of what life is all about.  I hope this helps a little.  I send my love and prayers to surround you.  Annie

Hi Cathy,

I know how difficult it is to be where you are at.  I call it " the hallway."  God never closes one door without opening another, but it's hell in the hallway!  I have always found that when I am in confusion, it is the time of my greatest growth.  I talk with my sponsor and my alanon friends about what is happening. That calms me down and gets all the chitter chatter out of my system and helps me to focus.  After I talk with these people, I spend time with my higher power.  I will pray and meditate and I will ask god what it is he wants me to learn.  And then I stop and listen to what he has to say to me.  I will take time and I will cry and I will listen and he has always answered me.  Not always in my time, but in his time.   And when I come to understand what he wants me to learn, I ask him to lead me and guide me to take whatever action he wants me to take.  And I ask for the strength and courage and love to be able to be what he wants me to be. 

I encourage you to keep working through the confusion.  There is great joy on the other side of the open door.

Love and peace in the program,

Joan

Grief was (and still can be...)a major part of my recovery. I too lost a sister and grieved her in my recovery along with many many other losses.

At the time I really thought I would die from the pain,I was 8 yrs old when she died and 39 when I cried for her..... Lotsa other pain had been packed on top of that original grief and it all came to the surface over the years since then....A lot of it can be traced back to that first abandonement that gets triggered today and some of it belongs in the present.

I use the program to keep close to God and the others like me, I am not the only one today that battles the pain of grief and if I reach out I will meet them along my journey. Nickemarr