Once again I am to the point of shaking and utter fear. This disease has called me to court for the 4th time, in less than 2 hours. My insides are in tight knots, as I approach this again,,,,and alone. Most of you know what Hell this disease called alcoholism can create,,and this is it at its finest. Destroyed all what was good, and now I am trying to hang onto some sanity, and strength to follow this court through. I have often thought about throwing in the towel, giving up, however I must face the future, and I deserve more than nothing after being in this marriage for over 31 years. Sadly as it seems , I still love this man, but my hope for any kind of resolution is very distant now, he has made his choice, to drink and to be with those who drink, and I keep telling myself, I will not suffer because of another person's actions or reactions. I never wanted any of this all I wanted was for him to get help. So the saga continues, I go it alone, and I just wants whats fair, no more no less. I have had enough, when these type of days approach, I am no good for anyone, especially myself, my mind is flaling about, and my heart cries for the man I love. The very person I could lean on in troubled times is the very man I am up against at this moment, it is so sad, and so senseless, if only he would have tried. I know others have so much more worse situations, however if you could give me a prayer or support in all of this,,I greatly appreciate it, I need alanon right now, and most likely for the rest of my life to get through this horrendous time. Thanks all for being here for me.
gardengal
abbyal said
Apr 19, 2005
Hi GG , and one more time you can do this. You stand up for yourself and don't give in. You have rights too. You are not alone God does court too. Just stick to the truth state the facts and leave the outcome to the powers that be. You are not going to give up now . have come along way since we met and you are not a quitter. Hang in there Louise
Christy said
Apr 19, 2005
All your friends are standing there with you gg, in theory :) You've been so brave. I know you don't think so, but I'm outside looking in. I see lots of courage and bravery.
Prayers included
Christy (Cjo)
sanddie said
Apr 19, 2005
(((((((((((gardengal))))))))))))) You are NEVER alone.... just think of all the people who care greatly for what you are going through HERE. Think of the person that passes you by at a grocery store and smiles or someone, who is often a complete stranger while you are out who tells you to have a wonderful day. Most of our fear comes from within and feeling triggers of emotions from situations or circumstances we've dealt with before because we associate the current event with what happened before--- Bring yourself to RIGHT NOW, as you read this and take your mind OFF of the moment you fear, take some deep breaths, trying to concentrate on the sounds of the birds chirping outside and know that there are MANY people who love and care for you greatly. People who respect you and love you unconditionally. I feel your pain, fear, and intimidation, as it triggers the emotions I so often have to face and with all that is in my heart, I am asking God to offer you peace in recognizing that you have come a LONG way in recognizing these God Given emotions because we have a heart full of love given to us as a blessing from God. If anything, you should be VERY PROUD of yourself that you can love so greatly.... Hang in there and remember you are TRULY blessed, despite how things may look right now-- keep that in mind.
-- Edited by sanddie at 14:38, 2005-04-19
debilyn said
Apr 19, 2005
Hi GG, I have leaned so much from you. I will keep this simple.
Remember to breath, drop your elbows to relax your shoulders. ONLY positive thoughts in your
pretty head lady. I mean it. Tell yourself,"everything is ok." Say it over and over if you have to.
I have great confidense in you. Just move one foot in front of each other. Sometimes we have to
play the game to get what we need and want.
Surrender the pain to hp. What I do GG is I take a deep breath and breath out the bs to hp.
Right now, thru all this bs you are learning more than you ever thought possible. In time you wil
look back and realize what a strong lady you are. Adversity strengthens us.
Wish I could hug you!! love,debilyn
bob6502 said
Apr 19, 2005
Awww GG...you are not alone!! Remember, you can send HP into the court room first. HP is always there for you and so are we.
There was a time in my life that I loved a man that I wanted to change. I had so many "if only's" and "woulda", coulda, shoulda's I couldn't see that there was no way he was going to change. To this day, he is who he is and he won't change. I have to accept him for that. But that doesn't mean I have to react to him the same way I used to. I have the courage to change me, and know that the strength in this program begins with me and with letting god take care of things. You can love your alcoholic, and accept that there is no reconcilliation in your marriage, but you don't have to love his disease.
So when you walk into that court, remember that HP is your spiritual body guard and you don't have to let the court or your alcoholic intimidate you.
Much Love my dear GG, SenoraBob
TLC2 said
Apr 19, 2005
Dear Garden Gal, I am so sorry you have to go through all that bs! I went through a nasty divorce, and know what it's like. In the end, when he was cleaning out the house, I wouldn't go near there. I just let him take what he wanted, it's only 'stuff' and all that can be replaced. As long as the kids and I had a bed, fridge and stove, I really didn't care. It wasn't worth the heartache and hassle to fight for. A year later, he nearly got the house, but didn't succeed (thanks to my HP and a kind, wonderful loan officer who believed in me).
I found a very hard, but high-paying job, and paid my mortgage off completly in 5 years!! I was in a lot of physical pain, but now know my kids will always have a roof over their heads, and a home to come to.
My prayers are with you in these horrible times, you are not alone, no matter what! We are there with you in our hearts, and HP is right there beside you. You will never be alone!!
Maybe in the long run, you will find that this has been a blessing. I know I have. I would NEVER go back to that life!! I didn't realize how bad it was till I was out of it. God bless you Garden Gal, we love you!! TLC
-- Edited by TLC2 at 18:28, 2005-04-19
doozee said
Apr 19, 2005
Hi Gardengal, So sorry to hear you are going through this. You are not alone though we are with you praying and lifting you up. Keep hanging in there! Doozee
megan said
Apr 20, 2005
Hi garden Gal
I pray that everthing went well for you.
Your sharing and experience strength and hope has been inspirational to me.
I know also to face something such as court can take away your defenses and leave you vulnerable.
You are not alone. Your HP will look after you.
You are in my prayers
Megan
richard said
Apr 20, 2005
"I know others have so much more worse situations,…"
My faith is a feeling not an intellectual thing. As with that idea, I think being in hell is a feeling thing also. I do not think that there are different depths or degrees of hell. I think that if one feels in hell, then one is in hell… just plain hell.
I hope the court thing passes quickly, you find the only Love you need is in your own heart, and that you get on with life knowing that your adherence to your man now was only an obsession not the true only one Love that is God. (So, I so strongly believe.)
Hugs & Luv,
Jeannie said
Apr 20, 2005
(((GardenGal)))
You are not alone. You have a lot of support, but most of all you can get through this. Picture the light at the end of the tunnel and stand tall. Your HP will guide you through this and you will be okay.
Once again I am to the point of shaking and utter fear. This disease has called me to court for the 4th time, in less than 2 hours
. My insides are in tight knots, as I approach this again,,,,and alone. Most of you know what Hell this disease called alcoholism can create,,and this is it at its finest. Destroyed all what was good, and now I am trying to hang onto some sanity, and strength to follow this court through. I have often thought about throwing in the towel, giving up, however I must face the future, and I deserve more than nothing after being in this marriage for over 31 years. Sadly as it seems , I still love this man, but my hope for any kind of resolution is very distant now, he has made his choice, to drink and to be with those who drink, and I keep telling myself, I will not suffer because of another person's actions or reactions. I never wanted any of this all I wanted was for him to get help. So the saga continues, I go it alone, and I just wants whats fair, no more no less. I have had enough, when these type of days approach, I am no good for anyone, especially myself, my mind is flaling about, and my heart cries for the man I love. The very person I could lean on in troubled times is the very man I am up against at this moment, it is so sad, and so senseless, if only he would have tried. I know others have so much more worse situations, however if you could give me a prayer or support in all of this,,I greatly appreciate it, I need alanon right now, and most likely for the rest of my life to get through this horrendous time. Thanks all for being here for me.
gardengal
All your friends are standing there with you gg, in theory :) You've been so brave. I know you don't think so, but I'm outside looking in. I see lots of courage and bravery.
Prayers included
Christy (Cjo)
-- Edited by sanddie at 14:38, 2005-04-19
Awww GG...you are not alone!! Remember, you can send HP into the court room first. HP is always there for you and so are we.
There was a time in my life that I loved a man that I wanted to change. I had so many "if only's" and "woulda", coulda, shoulda's I couldn't see that there was no way he was going to change. To this day, he is who he is and he won't change. I have to accept him for that. But that doesn't mean I have to react to him the same way I used to. I have the courage to change me, and know that the strength in this program begins with me and with letting god take care of things. You can love your alcoholic, and accept that there is no reconcilliation in your marriage, but you don't have to love his disease.
So when you walk into that court, remember that HP is your spiritual body guard and you don't have to let the court or your alcoholic intimidate you.
Much Love my dear GG, SenoraBob
Dear Garden Gal, I am so sorry you have to go through all that bs! I went through a nasty divorce, and know what it's like. In the end, when he was cleaning out the house, I wouldn't go near there. I just let him take what he wanted, it's only 'stuff' and all that can be replaced. As long as the kids and I had a bed, fridge and stove, I really didn't care. It wasn't worth the heartache and hassle to fight for. A year later, he nearly got the house, but didn't succeed (thanks to my HP and a kind, wonderful loan officer who believed in me).
I found a very hard, but high-paying job, and paid my mortgage off completly in 5 years!! I was in a lot of physical pain, but now know my kids will always have a roof over their heads, and a home to come to.
My prayers are with you in these horrible times, you are not alone, no matter what! We are there with you in our hearts, and HP is right there beside you. You will never be alone!!
Maybe in the long run, you will find that this has been a blessing. I know I have. I would NEVER go back to that life!! I didn't realize how bad it was till I was out of it. God bless you Garden Gal, we love you!! TLC
-- Edited by TLC2 at 18:28, 2005-04-19
Hi Gardengal, So sorry to hear you are going through this. You are not alone though we are with you praying and lifting you up. Keep hanging in there! Doozee
Hi garden Gal
I pray that everthing went well for you.
Your sharing and experience strength and hope has been inspirational to me.
I know also to face something such as court can take away your defenses and leave you vulnerable.
You are not alone. Your HP will look after you.
You are in my prayers
Megan
My faith is a feeling not an intellectual thing. As with that idea, I think being in hell is a feeling thing also. I do not think that there are different depths or degrees of hell. I think that if one feels in hell, then one is in hell… just plain hell.
I hope the court thing passes quickly, you find the only Love you need is in your own heart, and that you get on with life knowing that your adherence to your man now was only an obsession not the true only one Love that is God. (So, I so strongly believe.)
Hugs & Luv,
(((GardenGal)))
You are not alone. You have a lot of support, but most of all you can get through this. Picture the light at the end of the tunnel and stand tall. Your HP will guide you through this and you will be okay.
Love Jeannie