Thank you soo much for all of your support. It made me feel so much more at ease.
I just got home. I can't believe I spent all day worrying about this. It went very well.
The counselor was wonderful, and my husband was not drinking.
My husband started out with his list and the counselor picked up on his drinking right away. Every time my husband started talking about something, he steered the conversation back to his drinking. He ended up with a list of my husbands DWI's, health problems, lost jobs and everything else caused by his drinking(all info given by my husband).
After a while my husband asked why instead of asking us about the problems in our marriage does he keep going back to his drinking, and he told him that the number one problem in our marriage is his drinking, and that it would be obviouse to any counselor.
Everytime my husband tried to put the blame on me, he brought his drinking back up, and told him, it has cost you a small fortune in driving fees, it is destroying your health, cost you numerouse jobs, and could be costing you a marriage you obviously want to save, so why do you continue to drink? My husband didn't have an answer.
He was kind and gentle, he kept reminding my husband that he wasn't judging or labeling, just trying to get him thinking. He said if he was not ready to get help, why was he here. My husband said to save my marriage and the counselor said okay, step one has to be to stop drinking.
My husband was getting angry in the middle, but the counselor put him back at ease. When we left we where laughing. He wants to go back. We have another appointment in 2 weeks, the counselor is on vacation next week and my husband didn't want to see anyone else.
We sat outside the building an talked for over an hour, just about the kids and work and other safe subjects. Then we left.
I don't know what will come of this, but maybe he was given something to think about. I am shocked he wants to go again, but I am willing.
It was a good night. I won't allow myself to be too hopeful, but I'll take a good night anytime.
Love Jeannie
odaat said
Apr 15, 2005
I am so excited for you both! What a great evening. It sounds like the two of you connected. I have been asking my husband to go for a long time. We both go to someone seperately but I want to go together to a doctor that doesn't know either one of us. He sees a counselor for depression and doesn't tell the whole story... I doubt if his doctor even knows the extent of his drinking because if he did would he still be prescribing the meds. Mixing the depression meds and beer nightly has to have some horrible long term effects. I love my doctor, he has really guided me to wash my hands of a lot. I feel much better after I leave there. You are in my prayers. It sounds like you are heading in the right direction. One day at a time, and tell your husband you enjoyed spending the time with him, as that was a huge step! Have a wonderful Friday! Keep smiling! :0) ODAAT
megan said
Apr 15, 2005
Jeannie
I am very very happy for you.
What a great first step.
How positive to have the counselor pick up on the drinking as a problem and address it.
I am glad that you are both going back.
Megan
AlbertaCowboy said
Apr 15, 2005
That is sooooo awesome! Reading your post really lightened my heart this morning. After so much conflict, it really is great that your session with the counsellor went well. I pray your husband will continue down this path and discover that his drinking has a major impact on both your lives.
Days like that need to be celebrated and cherished.
Best of luck,
Rory
bcanuck said
Apr 15, 2005
Congratulations Jeannie.
Funny how a complete stranger who has never met either one of you can pick up on alcoholism within seconds of your hubby telling his story. Addicts honestly believe they fool people!
Great news, thanks for keeping us all posted.
Bonnie
luna said
Apr 15, 2005
I am so happy to hear your goodnews.
Here's to first steps and moving forward!
Best Wishes!
Luna
jj said
Apr 15, 2005
(((Jeannie)))
Wonderful! I read your post and I am so happy for you! The councellor really does sound great. I sure did think about you alot lastnight and I am so relieved that it really did go good! I have a really big smile on my face and it is for you and because of your positive experience!!!
Love your friend in recovery JJ
De Anna said
Apr 15, 2005
That's wonderful! Just remember couseling is work! Whether the result of just that one day is good or bad, it is mental work. It can drain you, so be sure to take care of yourself a little extra each day! Extra baths, walks, reading, etc. I am so glad for you.
wallsal55 said
Apr 15, 2005
Great to hear it went well. My spouse never listened very well unless there was a 3rd party in the room (counselor) or another man. ROFL. That's just how active A's can be--into their own (stinkin' thinkin')
Keep up the Great Job : )
cdb said
Apr 15, 2005
Jeannie,
Thanks for the update. If the marriage can't be saved at least you two know you are able to communicate about the kids etc. in a civil manner. Keep taking care of you. :) your friend in recovery, cdb
ArwynEvenstar said
Apr 15, 2005
Congratulations Jeannie....
I was thinking about you last night. You and your husband took a big first step and a big hurdle was crossed. You met, like and are obviously very comfortable with the counselor. I believe that your comfort level is one of the most important aspects of successful therapy. Now the actual work will start but without the fears that you will be ganged up on or that the counselor won't catch on. He is obvously well-tuned into the alcoholic banter.
Good luck with continuing your forward journey.
~arwyn
abbyal said
Apr 15, 2005
Hello Jeannie, there u go so worried for nothing, this is a great oportunity for you to be heard . Use it well . Keep your expectations low and u will be ok. Louise
Mark S said
Apr 15, 2005
Jeannie,
Wow I'm really happy you had a good night last night at and after the counceling session. Really glad that you were able to laugh together after. Good for you you deserve it!!
Mark S
sooner said
Apr 16, 2005
Jeanne,
Glad it all went well! I thought it would! In my own situation I had trouble in the beginning because I looked at the counselor as my "Hired Gun". I knew she needed a good talk'in to and he was just the one to straighten her out. I had to relax and let go of those expectations...and the desire to be proven "right".
Good luck Jeanne!
Sooner
lin0606 said
Apr 16, 2005
So glad that things went well for you. When we went to counselling, many years ago now, drinking was NEVER mentioned. Neither of us brought it up, and the counsellor never asked, not once. After a couple of months, we dropped out of counselling, and didn't try again, after all, it "didn't work"! Turns out you actually have to tell the truth in counselling for it to do any good. Who knew?
All of you,
Thank you soo much for all of your support. It made me feel so much more at ease.
I just got home. I can't believe I spent all day worrying about this. It went very well.
The counselor was wonderful, and my husband was not drinking.
My husband started out with his list and the counselor picked up on his drinking right away. Every time my husband started talking about something, he steered the conversation back to his drinking. He ended up with a list of my husbands DWI's, health problems, lost jobs and everything else caused by his drinking(all info given by my husband).
After a while my husband asked why instead of asking us about the problems in our marriage does he keep going back to his drinking, and he told him that the number one problem in our marriage is his drinking, and that it would be obviouse to any counselor.
Everytime my husband tried to put the blame on me, he brought his drinking back up, and told him, it has cost you a small fortune in driving fees, it is destroying your health, cost you numerouse jobs, and could be costing you a marriage you obviously want to save, so why do you continue to drink? My husband didn't have an answer.
He was kind and gentle, he kept reminding my husband that he wasn't judging or labeling, just trying to get him thinking. He said if he was not ready to get help, why was he here. My husband said to save my marriage and the counselor said okay, step one has to be to stop drinking.
My husband was getting angry in the middle, but the counselor put him back at ease. When we left we where laughing. He wants to go back. We have another appointment in 2 weeks, the counselor is on vacation next week and my husband didn't want to see anyone else.
We sat outside the building an talked for over an hour, just about the kids and work and other safe subjects. Then we left.
I don't know what will come of this, but maybe he was given something to think about. I am shocked he wants to go again, but I am willing.
It was a good night. I won't allow myself to be too hopeful, but I'll take a good night anytime.
Love Jeannie
Jeannie
I am very very happy for you.
What a great first step.
How positive to have the counselor pick up on the drinking as a problem and address it.
I am glad that you are both going back.
Megan
That is sooooo awesome! Reading your post really lightened my heart this morning. After so much conflict, it really is great that your session with the counsellor went well. I pray your husband will continue down this path and discover that his drinking has a major impact on both your lives.
Days like that need to be celebrated and cherished.
Best of luck,
Rory
Congratulations Jeannie.
Funny how a complete stranger who has never met either one of you can pick up on alcoholism within seconds of your hubby telling his story. Addicts honestly believe they fool people!
Great news, thanks for keeping us all posted.
Bonnie
(((Jeannie)))
Wonderful! I read your post and I am so happy for you! The councellor really does sound great. I sure did think about you alot lastnight and I am so relieved that it really did go good! I have a really big smile on my face and it is for you and because of your positive experience!!!
Love your friend in recovery
JJ
Great to hear it went well. My spouse never listened very well unless there was a 3rd party in the room (counselor) or another man. ROFL. That's just how active A's can be--into their own (stinkin' thinkin')
Keep up the Great Job : )
Jeannie,
Thanks for the update. If the marriage can't be saved at least you two know you are able to communicate about the kids etc. in a civil manner. Keep taking care of you. :) your friend in recovery, cdb
Hello Jeannie, there u go so worried for nothing, this is a great oportunity for you to be heard . Use it well . Keep your expectations low and u will be ok. Louise