Hello all. I feel kinda selfish for asking for support my very first time here, but I am suffering, and have nowhere else to go at the moment. This past Tuesday we had to use the Marchman Act to have my 42 year old sister put into rehab. She has gone from the top to the very very bottom in the last three years. It has been a roller coaster of emotions for me because it appears other family members have known the extent of her addiction and have kept it from me. My sister was put into the hospital 2 weeks ago for abuse related illnesses. She promised the family members if they didn't tell me and my mom that she would straighten up. Apparently they caught her up tp her old tricks and they told me about her selling and abusing illegal substances. I have always suspected she was in trouble but never pined her to the wall about it. The day the police picked her up she left us all letters that pretty much said goodbye forever. To me, mine sounded like she was never planning on seeing me again..like a suicide letter. The police picked her up that night and she hated us all. I am hurting so much tonight. The rest of my family have gone soft and are ready to enable her as soon as she is out. (this coming Saturday) . I feel betrayed by them for telling me everything she has been doing, then I inniciate the rehab process and then they abandon me on the tough love I planned on us all giving her when she gets out. i.e...no paying off her drug dealer...no paying her bills.. and no giving her cash...etc... They paid her drug dealer 2 weeks ago and look where it got them. Now they have caved...and are ready to make it all better for when she gets out, and to top it off she told them to tell me she does not want to talk to me. SHe hates me. I got all upset with my family members for not standing strong with me. I feel like I have been used for my support and energy when they were all juiced up about getting her help...now that they have settled down it's back to secrets again. I told my brother to never come to me when our sister is in trouble again. I feel used by them. I am a single mom of two boys and I am in school. Ever since she was put in the hospital my studies have been pushed aside, and I have failed 2 tests.. I have been unable to think of anything else but her. Her doctors told her is she didn't stop abusing she will die. I feel so alone. I told myself I will just let myself grieve her..I am so confused as I am sure you can tell. This is all very new to me and I am here to learn how to cope with it all. I know many of you have been dealing with it for years so please forgive me for feeling like what has happened is the worse thing ever....I realise this is the tip of the iceberg, I am just really exhausted right now. Thank you for listening. Sincerely, Luna

Luna:

It's hard when family disappoints you, but one thing you MUST keep in mind ALWAYS, that you are NEVER alone.  God is always there, particularly in times of trials and tribulation.  He wants us to care for ourselves so that we can be there for others.  However, if we are not taking care of ourselves and remaining focused on what is healthy for us, then we lose sight of who we are individually-- our strengths, dreams and goals.   Make your main focus YOU and when you feel alone, perhaps you can take that alone time and get in touch with what is truly making you feel alone.  I spend years and still have my instances when I feel alone, but the closer I draw to God, the more that feeling fades.  It wasn't until I searched my heart and soul in my times of being alone that I truly discovered the peace God offers every second of the day through good, through bad.... to bring us to eternity.  All you can do is pray for your sister, brother and rest of your family and then let go, give it to God.  I too, am a single mom of two children in school working towards a BS in Technical Management, just finishing up one of the toughest courses I've ever had to take-- Project Management.  In the midst, I had a breakup with my ex a of three years and my teenage daughter retaliating with typical teenage stuff.  My ex husband escalating matters with her because he knows how it upsets me when she is going through her issues and that is the ONLY way he has a possibility of getting to me now.  However, each time I had to study or read, I found myself having wandering thoughts from the material to all the chaos going on in relationships or circumstances in relationships with family or friends...  Somedays I would sit trying to read and read a sentence over and over again 10-20 times when my mind would start wandering.  I would force myself to read that sentence over and over again and the more I did that during the 1st month in school, the more I found that my thoughts of all the other crap subsided and eventually, the material I was reading was very clear..... 

Hang in there and do what you need to do for you-- ALWAYS knowing that you are NEVER alone.  God is everywhere and just waiting for you to talk with Him.... He has so much to offer--  Someone once told me before I discovered who God was that I MUST do what is in my heart. I was so confused when he told me that because I had always thought it was my heart that got me into trouble.  I realize now what he meant was to do what is in my heart-- my heart that is connected to God and fills me with love, not the heart that is controlled by my head full of thoughts or emotions.  A heart filled with peace. 

Take Care! 

 

Hello Luna, damn I hate this disease. A's need enablers to continue their lifestyle and thats where we come into the picture, we believe thier lies , we cover up for thier mistakes, we bail them out never making them responsible for thier mistakes . We are doing all the wrong things for the right reasons.  Until we stop bailing them out , absolutley nothing will change for them they don't ahve to change if we continue to do it for them.

Right now your sis is angry , that is the disease talking not your sister.  I hope u will find real Al-Anon meetings in your area , your going to need them. and u need support from people who understand. We cannot chnge other people. love won't cure this disease either. Only the A can make the changes needed for themselves.  come into our chat room we have meetings daily they will helpu til u find f2f meetings. 

Your not the reason your sister is in this mess ,don't take on the guilt and shame of her disease it's not yours to carry.    Louise

(((luna)))

You are not selfish, nor is there anything to forgive.

You are in the right place, you need to have support for yourself and to realize that you are not alone.

Your Sister is in the right place right now, and hopefully her HP will guide her to treatment. She needs to realize what her using is doing to her and accept it, and by babying her and enabling her your family is stopping that from happening. But it is a family disease and they have to come to that realization in their own time.

Sure she is angry right now, but it is as others have said the disease talking.

You are not to blame, you didn't cause it, can't control it and cannot cure it. It is up to her.

Keep coming here, and if possible go to some face to face meetings near your home. Read everything you can get your hands on, and most of all, do not beat yourself up over this.

                                 Love Jeannie

 

Thank You both for the words of encouragement! I have a lot of learning to do. :)

Hi Luna

Try and remember that just as much as you cannot control what your sister does, or her disease, you cannot control what your family does or says either.  Take care of yourself and your boys first and foremost, the rest can take care of itself for now.

You're not alone,

Bonnie

Hi, and welcome! Please don't apologize, we've all been there, and I know as far as myself, I was desperatly in need of strength,encourgement, and hope when I came here. I think that's what Alanon is all about. There are a lot of wonderful people here who have been through much the same as you, and understand. I think that was one of the most important things to me. Alanon and the great people here have helped me change my life!

You're in the right place. Read all the Alanon lit. you can get your hands on, go to as many meetings as you can, if you can't go to face to face meetings, there are on-line meetings here, and a chatroom.Or, better yet, go to them all. Your life will change, I promise, :)  TLC

((((Luna))))  <---- hugs

I read your post lastnight but forgot to come back to it sory!  First of all please don't feel selfish for asking for support! This place is full of caring supportive people that really do understand. Remember you are not alone! chances are that someone here has been through very simmilar situations.

When I first came to MIP I was so lost and in desperate need of support and full of questions!! I was a complete mess!!!

This message board the people on it and the people that go into chat saved my sanity!!! Now they are no longer strangers but my friends. Friends that have been the most supportive people I hav ever met and they have a special place in my heart!!!

I am glad that you have found MIP and I hope that you keep comming back!

Love in recovery
JJ

Luna,

Good for your for reaching out! I tell my students that they can't take care of their families if they don't take care of themselves first. Going to school is a way of bettering yourself. And your own children need you first.

I have found a lot of guidance through Alanon literature, meetings, and this site. Keep coming back!!

Nancy