Well its challenge time for me. Have a week trip with the air guard I have to go on and return for two days and have to spend another 3 days in Dallas for my full time job. Typically this is when things such as the DWI, the gambling, drinking and the leaving the kids home alone have generally occurred. I hate those little bomb phone calls that another disaster has happened in the middle of the night while thousand miles away. I guess this is where the trust has to come into play so I’m leaving it in gods and her hands that things will be ok here at home. Have to admit that I’m nervous about it though. This is the first long trips I have been on since she came home. I do know if she is gonna do these things that she will probably do em weather I’m there or not, I unfortunately am alittle worried about the kids though. I’m probably just creating these what if’s in my own mind, because she really hasn’t given me any indication she will do anything of the sort, but guess I haven’t been looking that hard, at least not as hard as I used to. Prayin that God watches over and protects my family, especially while I’m so far away. Mark S

Mark, don't know how old your kids are, but do they have phone numbers or ways to contact other trusted adults, if things do go really bad? To me, 'letting go' doesn't necessarily mean blind trust - that is, you can let go of responsibility for the A, while still keeping it for the kids. I spent my kids' childhoods standing between them and their dad. I thought I was protecting them, and sometimes, I guess I was. Sometimes, though, I don't know. I think maybe honesty with kids about the real situation, and giving them some tools to use to help themselves, is the best way. Don't know if this is helpful, sorry.

Hello Mark,

Wow, I can relate to the test times. But, my daughter doesn't have any kids. Hopefully your wife is attending AA meetings. That has helped my daughter to stay sober. I do like what lin put about having a plan for the kids. Will you be able to use a computer to keep us posted too or get support here? The word that has helped me lately instead of the letting go letting God is to Surrender. That word seems to hit home with me these days. We just got to plain surrender what we do not have control over. Plain and simple. Once you have a plan in place for the kid's safety then it will probably be easier for you too. your friend in recovery, cdb :)

Hi ((((Mark))))

I agree with Lin about the phone # of a trusted adult for the kids to call just in case. It may bring you peace of mind. It is awful to feel that there is absolutly no trust, but it is something that needs earned back. I hope that you can be not so worried about this in front of your wife as it may make her nervous about you being so far away.  I can feel for you as I am sure I would feel the same... Just a thought...maybe she is having the same fears...

Keep your chin up.

Your friend JJ

Thanks Lin, cdb and JJ, Thanks for taking the time to reply, means alot. Your right about ability to contact another adult. Told neighbors (very good people and friends to both of us and they also know the score) that I would be gone and they volunteered to poppin in from time to time to say hi, and the kids do know they can run over there (across street) at any time if they need to. Nice to have good neighbors. Got da chin up lol Mark S

Hi Mark,

I can certainly relate to your situation. I hate going away and leaving my wife to her own demise.  After 9 suicide attempts, I am terrified of what I might find whenever I come home.  It got so bad that I would send her email during the day, then hack into her email later to see if she had read it....kind of a way of keeping track of her.  If she wasn't reading her email for a day or more, I'd panic and all kinds of wild thoughts would race through my head.  All my worrying never got me anywhere though and was a major invasion of her privacy.  In my case, I found she wouldn't do anything like overdose until I was near by to save her.   Obviously she didn't really want to die, but was reaching out in her own sick way. 

The trust issue is still very difficult for me as well.  My wife has been sober for nearly 2 months now (5 weeks of that spent in psych ward and rehab).  It is nearly impossible for me to trust her at all right now.

As the others have said, just ensure your kids have a safe place to fall.  The rest is beyond control and worrying won't help in the least.

Sorry, after reading what I've shared, I'm not sure I'm on topic lol.  But stay positive!  Keep in contact with her by phone if possible, but try not to make it seem like you are checking up on her.  Otherwise, try to enjoy your alone time.

Rory

 

Mark, Glad to here that you have good neighbours!! I hope that you have peace of mind and won't worry so much when you are gone!!

I know easier said than done!! especially when it comes to kids. I have major trust issues when it comes to my kids but learning to eas (sp?) up a little.

Glad to see you stiil got your chin up!! Keep smiling and have a good weekend!  Huggs to you

Your friend JJ

That ability for your kids to contact another adult is a great idea.  Even if they're too young to contact another adult- maybe you can contact someone for your peace of mind.  Or having another adult to contact in case you get no answer at home, (phones out of service etc.).  I know you're worried of the things she may or may not do, but I always do it even when we go away together for reasons of:

         fire; robbery; storms; car theft; mail; phone doesn't work; countless reasons. 

Think of it as a back up plan for safety all around for everyone's sake. 

       

Mark

With the neighbors popping in I wish you a very safe trip.

I will pray for all of you that God looks out for them while you are away.

Trust is tough to regain but hopefully this will be a chance for your Wife to prove to both herself and you that she can do it.

Try not to worry too much.

                                  Love Jeannie

Thanks Rory, JJ, DeAnna and Jeannie!! Feeling better after took suggestions to have a backup plan. Guess feeling alittle safer about it knowing that there are a couple neighbors/friends that understand the situation and are there if needed, it especially nice cause they can pop in without the appearance of nothing more than a friend stopping by to offer any help while I'm gone. Having a backup for the kids does make me much more comfortable. Jeannie your also right about this possibly being a stepping stone back to the road of trust. Thank you all for your support and I'll try not to worry, I will also be sensative about the appearance of "checking up her" as you suggest Rory, cause that wouldn't be good, I know how I'd feel if roles were reversed. Well probably won't see ya much next couple weeks as I leave mon morning, I will miss ya all and hope you all have safe and peaceful couple weeks...or better yet lifetimes..but I''ll catch up with ya in a couple weeks. With God, Great neighbors, and friends like ya'll...I can't go wrong Mark S

Mark,  Glad to her that you are sounding much better.

Have a good couple of weeks.

Hope your wife does great!

Hugs to you come back soon!!

Your friend JJ