So most of you know that I have been working on my step 4. Well I got over being mad and delt with all that angered me and began again on the step.
I never thought that I could actually see so much great things in myself. I have never had a problem seeing the couragous and strong people around me and have always over looked myself. I here what others say to me and try my best to see what they do but I have come to realize that my skull is very thick!!! So I had a break through I have taken an honest look into my soul and I found ME.
So I went to my meeting lastnight and happened to have this Step 4 writing that I wrote as I shared it with my SIL earlier before we left for our meeting. WELL.... topic for meeting happened to be Step 4!! So I took a hint from HP and shared it with all of the members. I was absolutly terrified, shaking and could barely talk. Comming from someone who used to public speak infront of huge audiences. lol I think it was because this was personal and all about me, I put myself out their naked as a Jbird. I survived and actually thrived!!!
I just want to share one part of one thing I realized. "This journey is never ending and ever growing".
I know that alanon will be a part of my life for the rest of my life just as alcoholism has been a part of my whole intire life. I came here for help because of my situation with my husband but have realized that it has brought up my childhood as well. I actually thought that I had delt with everything I endured as a kid but I had not. I have done alot of forgiving and realizing in the past couple of weeks and I can honestly say that everything has been very emotional but very cleansing.
Thank you my friends for your support and guidance! I truely do appreciate all of your replys and ESH.
LOVE your friend JJ
melanieL said
Apr 7, 2005
Your posting certainly made me think. I have not really started my steps yet as I have only recently started attending meeting. But like you i didnt think my childhood things were an issue and I had dealt with them. But I have come to realise that both my Mother and my Grandfather were alcoholic to. Something that never occured to me before.
I look forward to starting my programme now and of all the things I have yet to learn.
Melx
cdb said
Apr 8, 2005
Hello jj,
Awesome! You found YOU and are THRIVING....so kewl. Remember that step 4 includes looking at the positive things in ourselves too. According to my PATHS Book, "An inventory is not just our faults; we must also assess our positive traits and accomplishments." Someone questioned me about working on this step. What they don't understand is that by my many years seeing one psychologist, that I have been continually working on step 4. I know that I will always work on all the steps. The book also talks about how our HP reveals these traits to us as we are ready to know them. So some things we are not ready to know yet. That is why alanon and working our program is a life long journey. I have talked to a couple people that were only looking at the negative in themselves. They were very down and it was hard on them. This is why it is so important to have a sponsor.They didn't realize to also look for the poistive things in themselves. I find the book very helpful in explaining the steps for my recovery. What a great way to live our lives. :) your friend, cdb
jj said
Apr 8, 2005
TY Malanie and Cdb,
Finding out that you have lost so much of yourself is devistating YES and dealing with it is hard, but getting over it and taking action is great, then and only then could I move on with this step and it was so rewarding!!! When I did move on and go on with this step and saw all the great things it was amazing!! I felt like I had climbed a mountain and the view was GREAT!!!
So most of you know that I have been working on my step 4. Well I got over being mad and delt with all that angered me and began again on the step.
I never thought that I could actually see so much great things in myself. I have never had a problem seeing the couragous and strong people around me and have always over looked myself. I here what others say to me and try my best to see what they do but I have come to realize that my skull is very thick!!! So I had a break through I have taken an honest look into my soul and I found ME.
So I went to my meeting lastnight and happened to have this Step 4 writing that I wrote as I shared it with my SIL earlier before we left for our meeting. WELL.... topic for meeting happened to be Step 4!! So I took a hint from HP and shared it with all of the members. I was absolutly terrified, shaking and could barely talk. Comming from someone who used to public speak infront of huge audiences. lol I think it was because this was personal and all about me, I put myself out their naked as a Jbird. I survived and actually thrived!!!
I just want to share one part of one thing I realized. "This journey is never ending and ever growing".
I know that alanon will be a part of my life for the rest of my life just as alcoholism has been a part of my whole intire life. I came here for help because of my situation with my husband but have realized that it has brought up my childhood as well. I actually thought that I had delt with everything I endured as a kid but I had not. I have done alot of forgiving and realizing in the past couple of weeks and I can honestly say that everything has been very emotional but very cleansing.
Thank you my friends for your support and guidance! I truely do appreciate all of your replys and ESH.
LOVE your friend JJ
Hello jj,
Awesome! You found YOU and are THRIVING....so kewl. Remember that step 4 includes looking at the positive things in ourselves too. According to my PATHS Book, "An inventory is not just our faults; we must also assess our positive traits and accomplishments." Someone questioned me about working on this step. What they don't understand is that by my many years seeing one psychologist, that I have been continually working on step 4. I know that I will always work on all the steps. The book also talks about how our HP reveals these traits to us as we are ready to know them. So some things we are not ready to know yet. That is why alanon and working our program is a life long journey. I have talked to a couple people that were only looking at the negative in themselves. They were very down and it was hard on them. This is why it is so important to have a sponsor.They didn't realize to also look for the poistive things in themselves. I find the book very helpful in explaining the steps for my recovery. What a great way to live our lives. :) your friend, cdb
TY Malanie and Cdb,
Finding out that you have lost so much of yourself is devistating YES and dealing with it is hard, but getting over it and taking action is great, then and only then could I move on with this step and it was so rewarding!!!
When I did move on and go on with this step and saw all the great things it was amazing!! I felt like I had climbed a mountain and the view was GREAT!!!
Love in recovery your friend JJ