Hi everyone. I'm new to this so I have a question. I have been to 5 f2f meetings and I just heard at the last one that we are supposed to work the 12 steps. To show you how new to this I am, I didn't know you "worked" the steps, I just thought you read them daily, or as the need arose. How do I go about doing this? Is there a book that can help me?
This is my 2nd day at this site and I'm very impressed. Everyone seems very friendly and helpful. I'll be here more, I can tell.
My husband said he could just stop drinking, and it hasn't worked. He's never been to treatment, and doesn't think he needs it, but unless he has someone to answer to, he doesn't stop and he hides it. It has caused great pain in our marriage. We are meeting for lunch today to look at a calendar and he wants to set up parameters. He wants to be able to drink socially again. I'm on a rollercoaster so that's why I'm doing Al-Anon and was told about the web site.
Thanks for everything.
Karen
bob6502 said
Apr 6, 2005
Very glad you are here Karen. Don't know if you have heard the three c's or not, but here they are. Didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. I knew that I didn't cause my alcoholic's drinking, but I tried very hard to control it and cure it. I thought if I only said the right words or did the right thing he would stop drinking. It didn't work. He continued to drink and when he found recovery, it was on his own terms and in his own time. What I am trying to say is that your alcoholic has to want to quit drinking on his own terms. You can't control it or cure him. As for working the steps, the best way to do that is to get a sponsor, someone that you identify with from what they say at meetings and has been in program longer than you. Glad you are here Karen, and keep coming back.
megan said
Apr 6, 2005
Hi Karen and welcome.
Alanon is a great place o help us cope with the devastating effects on us from living with an alcoholic.
I have heard that the best way to "work" the steps is with a sponsor.
I don't yet have a sponsor. One of my friends that I met through the site is working the steps with her sponsor using the book referenced in the link below:
Paths to recovery
Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts. So I am reading this book and doing the exercises while I wait to select a sponsor.
My husband is the alcoholic in my life. Finally last July I could not take the rollercoaster ride and joined alanon.
Alalnon teaches us to work on ourselves and our lives whether or not the alcoholic is drinking.
And actually my A stopped for 5 months last year. Yippee. Things were better, much better than when he was drunk but he did not have a program. he was a "dry drunk". he thought he did not need AA.
then he started "drinking socially" and ende up drunk 24/7. Now he quit again...
Sound like a rollercoaster? YOU BET.
Welcome, alanon gives ust he tools to cope with the "insanity" of living with an alcoholic.
Your husband's recovery, if there is to be one, is up to him.
How you live the rest of your life is up to you.
Welcome
wallsal55 said
Apr 6, 2005
Try and find a sponsor who has worked the Twelve Steps or has worked enough of them to be a temporary sponsor. We have a Step Board to click on the main page. I have studied the Twelve Steps in "Paths to Recover" available in the bookstore here, at alanon meeting, (or at alanon.org --Click on publications, then Shopping Online.) If an alanon group has a monthly step meeting, they are of great help!
abbyal said
Apr 6, 2005
Hi welcome to our site. working the twelve steps takes time but when u read something , do what it says to the best of your ability. for instance , step one powerless over alcohol and your life is unmanagable . let go of the obsession of trying to change the alcoholic , he is the only one who can change himself.enjoy your day doing things for yourself. the min I try to improve someone elses lfe mine become unmanagable , no time for me I am running around with one foot nailed to the floor trying to make others happy and never get anywhere. I cannot make others happy that is up to them , just like no one knows what makes me happy only I can do that. good luck Louise
lildee said
Apr 6, 2005
Hi Pebbles and welcome to the site,
Step work for me was the thing that changed me. I was lucky and found a wonderful sponsor who to this day still stays in touch and hounds me as to what I should be doing. Keeping me constantly focused. You can get a sponsor on line or at a a real face to face meeting. Choose carefully this person will be with you forever. They will come to know you better than your mom. Just keep in mind no one is going to voluteer to be a sponsor, you have to ask. Then be ready to suit up and do the work. And I do not say work lightly, there is a lot of work involved with the Steps. Now in respect to her and the program I am passing the message on to two others. For several of the steps you really need a sponsor to share your feelings with. Good luck on your life changing journey.
Love & God Bless
lildee
Pebbles said
Apr 7, 2005
Thank you all for your suggestions. I will work on finding a sponsor at the meeting. We have talked about it. I'm just not sure who to ask yet. I suppose that takes time.
Thanks again!
Karen
cdb said
Apr 7, 2005
Hello Pebbles,
Welcome to MIP. I just love your name! :) I purchased the Paths to Recovery book and it is an excellent tool to read about the steps and the traditions too. I have been in alanon about a year and still don't have a sponsor. A person needs to find someone they can trust and work well with. Someone told me to find a person you admire and who you would like to be like. To do this, a person needs to get to know others. Also, some people find a sponsor right away and just love them too. :)
Just don't give up if you can't find someone right away is all. I am looking forward to getting to know you better. Keep on posting and do come to the online meetings and open chat. your friend in recovery, cdb
Pebbles said
Apr 7, 2005
Thanks cdb. I'll look for that book. My husband (my A) even sent for a literature list he has from AA and Al-Anon. I will look for the book.
Hi everyone. I'm new to this so I have a question. I have been to 5 f2f meetings and I just heard at the last one that we are supposed to work the 12 steps. To show you how new to this I am, I didn't know you "worked" the steps, I just thought you read them daily, or as the need arose. How do I go about doing this? Is there a book that can help me?
This is my 2nd day at this site and I'm very impressed. Everyone seems very friendly and helpful. I'll be here more, I can tell.
My husband said he could just stop drinking, and it hasn't worked. He's never been to treatment, and doesn't think he needs it, but unless he has someone to answer to, he doesn't stop and he hides it. It has caused great pain in our marriage. We are meeting for lunch today to look at a calendar and he wants to set up parameters. He wants to be able to drink socially again. I'm on a rollercoaster so that's why I'm doing Al-Anon and was told about the web site.
Thanks for everything.
Karen
Hi Karen and welcome.
Alanon is a great place o help us cope with the devastating effects on us from living with an alcoholic.
I have heard that the best way to "work" the steps is with a sponsor.
I don't yet have a sponsor. One of my friends that I met through the site is working the steps with her sponsor using the book referenced in the link below:
Paths to recovery
Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts. So I am reading this book and doing the exercises while I wait to select a sponsor.My husband is the alcoholic in my life. Finally last July I could not take the rollercoaster ride and joined alanon.
Alalnon teaches us to work on ourselves and our lives whether or not the alcoholic is drinking.
And actually my A stopped for 5 months last year. Yippee. Things were better, much better than when he was drunk but he did not have a program. he was a "dry drunk". he thought he did not need AA.
then he started "drinking socially" and ende up drunk 24/7. Now he quit again...
Sound like a rollercoaster? YOU BET.
Welcome, alanon gives ust he tools to cope with the "insanity" of living with an alcoholic.
Your husband's recovery, if there is to be one, is up to him.
How you live the rest of your life is up to you.
Welcome
Hi Pebbles and welcome to the site,
Step work for me was the thing that changed me. I was lucky and found a wonderful sponsor who to this day still stays in touch and hounds me as to what I should be doing. Keeping me constantly focused. You can get a sponsor on line or at a a real face to face meeting. Choose carefully this person will be with you forever. They will come to know you better than your mom. Just keep in mind no one is going to voluteer to be a sponsor, you have to ask. Then be ready to suit up and do the work. And I do not say work lightly, there is a lot of work involved with the Steps. Now in respect to her and the program I am passing the message on to two others. For several of the steps you really need a sponsor to share your feelings with. Good luck on your life changing journey.
Love & God Bless
lildee
Thank you all for your suggestions. I will work on finding a sponsor at the meeting. We have talked about it. I'm just not sure who to ask yet. I suppose that takes time.
Thanks again!
Karen
Hello Pebbles,
Welcome to MIP. I just love your name! :) I purchased the Paths to Recovery book and it is an excellent tool to read about the steps and the traditions too. I have been in alanon about a year and still don't have a sponsor. A person needs to find someone they can trust and work well with. Someone told me to find a person you admire and who you would like to be like. To do this, a person needs to get to know others. Also, some people find a sponsor right away and just love them too. :)
Just don't give up if you can't find someone right away is all. I am looking forward to getting to know you better. Keep on posting and do come to the online meetings and open chat. your friend in recovery, cdb
Thanks cdb. I'll look for that book. My husband (my A) even sent for a literature list he has from AA and Al-Anon. I will look for the book.
See you online!
Pebbles