What we dont do is spend alot of time talkign about the alcholic. Instead, we learn to put the focus on ourselves. At first this approach may not seem to make much sense. After all,,it is often easier to recognize the A's problems than our own. Most of us feel certain that if only he or she would stop drinking , or work a better program of recovery, everythign would be fine. What we fail to realize is that alcoholism is a disease. An uncotrollable desire to drink is the one symptom of that disease. So many of us have longed for the day when the A in our lives would find sobriety, only to be dismayed when sobriety ushered in a whole new set of difficulties.
Again the American Medical Association will attest , alcholism is a disease. Would the right word stop the spread of cancer or make chemotherapy more effective? Would our help, good looks, higher income, or cleaner hosue overcome the progression of Alzheimers disease? Our comapssion and support might make a loves ones struggle easier to bear, but it is simply not within our power to cure someone elses disease. We are powerless over anothers alcholism. We didnt cause the disease,,,we cant control it and we certainly cannot cure it.
So if we cant stop the drinking or guarantee sobriety, why should we come to Alanon? As alanons first publeic service announcement used to say "You can see what the drinking is doing to the alcoholic.......BUT CAN YOU SEE WHAT IT IS DOING TO YOU? When I read that final statement,,,can you see what it is doing to you, hit me in such a way,,made me think,,,made me wonder if this is why I have been behaving the way I have,,making me crazier than the A himself at times...This disease is a family disease and it takes hold of all of us who are affected. I hope this helps some of you who are searching for answers. The bottom line is we have to take care of ourselves, as no one else will, and in alanon together we heal,,alone it seems we fail. Keep coming back,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gardengal
De Anna said
Apr 5, 2005
I agree. I came for him, but changed myself!
cdb said
Apr 5, 2005
Hello gg,
You bet it is a family disease. Not only that, but as a mother I have had to fight the guilt (not anymore) of giving birth to my daughter with the genes of alcoholism. I am hoping in the future they can have some kind of medication or something to stop the disease in a person. Not only has it made my family crazy but it has broken the hearts of me, my hubby, my son, my parents, etc. We have all cried so hard over my daughter's illness because it has been so severe and so out there in the community when she breaks the law with minor in consumption/disorderly conduct. When she cannot hold a job or stay in school. The disease does change people and all those around them.
With the help of alanon, I have been able to see things as they are. I have been able to gain some sanity back and to work on me and how it has changed me. Without alanon, maybe my daughter wouldn't be clean and sober. We may have changed so she could change too. But, even if she does choose to drink/drug again, I know I can continue to be healthy and not go back to the sick behavior I had before. cdb
jj said
Apr 5, 2005
I did come for me and my kids and I am greatful that I did.
Love in recovery JJ
megan said
Apr 5, 2005
I came to make some sense of what was going on in my life.
And I have. The chaos, the insanity, the unreasonable demands, the illogical statements, all of the miasma of living with an alcoholic.
I could not cope anymore.
At first I thought to "fix" him.
i hopefully asked people at the face to face - hey how did you get him to stop? And other variations of such a plea.
I remember the best answer, I got stronger and he had to get better. I never got the full story and always remeber that I am here in alanon to GET STRONGER.
Whether or not he drinks brings up a valid point, when he stops, life is no bowl of cherries.
I need very much to work on my own defects of characther and my own problems and GROW STRONGER.
Then I can face everything, whatever my HP throws my way
What we dont do is spend alot of time talkign about the alcholic. Instead, we learn to put the focus on ourselves. At first this approach may not seem to make much sense. After all,,it is often easier to recognize the A's problems than our own. Most of us feel certain that if only he or she would stop drinking , or work a better program of recovery, everythign would be fine. What we fail to realize is that alcoholism is a disease. An uncotrollable desire to drink is the one symptom of that disease. So many of us have longed for the day when the A in our lives would find sobriety, only to be dismayed when sobriety ushered in a whole new set of difficulties.
Again the American Medical Association will attest , alcholism is a disease. Would the right word stop the spread of cancer or make chemotherapy more effective? Would our help, good looks, higher income, or cleaner hosue overcome the progression of Alzheimers disease? Our comapssion and support might make a loves ones struggle easier to bear, but it is simply not within our power to cure someone elses disease. We are powerless over anothers alcholism. We didnt cause the disease,,,we cant control it and we certainly cannot cure it.
So if we cant stop the drinking or guarantee sobriety, why should we come to Alanon? As alanons first publeic service announcement used to say "You can see what the drinking is doing to the alcoholic.......BUT CAN YOU SEE WHAT IT IS DOING TO YOU? When I read that final statement,,,can you see what it is doing to you, hit me in such a way,,made me think,,,made me wonder if this is why I have been behaving the way I have,,making me crazier than the A himself at times...This disease is a family disease and it takes hold of all of us who are affected. I hope this helps some of you who are searching for answers. The bottom line is we have to take care of ourselves, as no one else will, and in alanon together we heal,,alone it seems we fail. Keep coming back,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,gardengal
Hello gg,
You bet it is a family disease. Not only that, but as a mother I have had to fight the guilt (not anymore) of giving birth to my daughter with the genes of alcoholism. I am hoping in the future they can have some kind of medication or something to stop the disease in a person. Not only has it made my family crazy but it has broken the hearts of me, my hubby, my son, my parents, etc. We have all cried so hard over my daughter's illness because it has been so severe and so out there in the community when she breaks the law with minor in consumption/disorderly conduct. When she cannot hold a job or stay in school. The disease does change people and all those around them.
With the help of alanon, I have been able to see things as they are. I have been able to gain some sanity back and to work on me and how it has changed me. Without alanon, maybe my daughter wouldn't be clean and sober. We may have changed so she could change too. But, even if she does choose to drink/drug again, I know I can continue to be healthy and not go back to the sick behavior I had before. cdb
I did come for me and my kids and I am greatful that I did.
Love in recovery JJ
I came to make some sense of what was going on in my life.
And I have. The chaos, the insanity, the unreasonable demands, the illogical statements, all of the miasma of living with an alcoholic.
I could not cope anymore.
At first I thought to "fix" him.
i hopefully asked people at the face to face - hey how did you get him to stop? And other variations of such a plea.
I remember the best answer, I got stronger and he had to get better. I never got the full story and always remeber that I am here in alanon to GET STRONGER.
Whether or not he drinks brings up a valid point, when he stops, life is no bowl of cherries.
I need very much to work on my own defects of characther and my own problems and GROW STRONGER.
Then I can face everything, whatever my HP throws my way