Haven't been around here in a bit. My life has been put on hold it seems. My husband - I think that is what he is, has basically left us. He came home from treatment for 2 days after lying about when he was getting out and after the 2 days left and moved into his moms. That was the easy way of being able to do what he wanted and go where he wanted. He admitted that he drank...once. Oh well, then I guess that is suppose to be ok. He has avoided seeing me at all costs. I have requested meetings and he calls to say he will be late and then doesnt show. He comes by and drops off cash to the boys and leaves some for me (how nice of him..) He avoids any in depth conversation with me and blocks the number from where he is calling every time he calls lying about where he is each time.
He is suppose to come and take the boys to lunch tomorrow which my eldest boy is not interested in attending. I plan to force a conversation with him in order to let him know that he will have to get his things out of the house by the days end. My name is not Mat anymore and I will not be walked on any longer!!
He starts back to work Monday and this is his last shot. Any nonsence and he is fired. He never did hit his bottom before treatment. I think he went in because he was going to lose his job then if he didnt and he just said and did what they wanted him to in there. He made a mockery of it all in hindsight.
Well, I am unsure of what the future brings. I only know this. I have the program and for that I am grateful. I continue to go to my wkly f2f meeting and at the end of the month I will be 40 years old. I plan on making my life begin at 40 unfortunately my husband's seemed to have ended at 40.
I will try to keep it all together because really I have no choice. I have two young men counting on me. They have lost respect for their father so it is all up to me. I pray that i can handle it. But then again they say God never gives us more than we can handle..we'll see about that.
Until next time
Hockeydal
whitie said
Apr 2, 2005
hockeydal,
I can feel the pain just oozing out of your post. I know you feel powerless,but you're not. For me life started at forty. I stood up and said, I'm doing what is right for me. I must say, some days it's still very much a struggle. But I look back on the last 5 years and I'm in awe of what I've done for myself and how much I've grown. I'm still living w/my a husband and every day I tell myself I want a good day (sometimes over & over), and I have the power to make it so. Most days it works now! Do what you have to to take care of yourself and your boys you're worth it. Keep us posted.
Whitie
abbyal said
Apr 2, 2005
Hello Dal, so sorry uhave to be going thru this , Sobriety is so scarry for all concerned , we waited for it for so long an it is not pleasant. I don't want to make this a plea for your husb, but I know he is so full of guilt and shame and if sober he is what I lovingly call "Stark Raving Sober" in other words he is nuts. Alot of a's dont feel they deserve to be loved so push away the people they love the most,with a good program and alot of help from AA he will work thur this.
Please don't make any rash decissions just yet, use this time of separation to get to know your self a little better, learn about this disease and how it has truly affected your life. try and be grateful that he is giving you some money to help out alot of men don't do that for thier families they simply walk away.
Get to alot of meetings and throw in a AA open meeting if you have the time, it will help u alot but over all , look after yourself and keep your expectations low - he is truly a troubled man at the moment . be patient. there is always hope for us . recover and know that with or with out him u will be ok. Leave the relationship to God let him take care of it while u concentrate on getting your life back. good luck Louise
Jeannie said
Apr 2, 2005
(((Hockeydal)))
I know this might not sound easy, but try and be patient. You are not a door mat, but try and give things a little time. If he is going to work his program, you will know soon enough.
I know how frustrating it is. Rehab doesn't solve our problems, sometimes it gives us a whole new set of them.
Keep working on yourself, and try and treat yourself extra good. I can tell by your post that you are hurting, and right now you can probably use a little TLC.
Love Jeannie
jj said
Apr 2, 2005
((((((Hockeydal)))))) Big huggs to you!!!!!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that in time each day gets easier and that your husband does find his way. Sobriety is a on going journey and struggle every day. Just a thought maybe your husband doesn't know who he is and needs time to figure that out. I recently listened to an AA speaker and his life after his new found sobriety was just as out of control as it was before he began his journey of sobriety.
I will be thinking of your family. Your friend JJ
marissa said
Apr 2, 2005
Hi hockeydal,
Please remember you are not alone (eventhough sometimes it feels like it). You have all of these WONDERFUL people online, your HP, and maybe you have some alanon friends that are a phone call away? (and f2f meetings, of course). You don't have to go through anything alone, so lean on those who are there for you.
Try to take care of yourself- sending positive thoughts to you!
Hello friends,
Haven't been around here in a bit. My life has been put on hold it seems. My husband - I think that is what he is, has basically left us. He came home from treatment for 2 days after lying about when he was getting out and after the 2 days left and moved into his moms. That was the easy way of being able to do what he wanted and go where he wanted. He admitted that he drank...once. Oh well, then I guess that is suppose to be ok. He has avoided seeing me at all costs. I have requested meetings and he calls to say he will be late and then doesnt show. He comes by and drops off cash to the boys and leaves some for me (how nice of him..) He avoids any in depth conversation with me and blocks the number from where he is calling every time he calls lying about where he is each time.
He is suppose to come and take the boys to lunch tomorrow which my eldest boy is not interested in attending. I plan to force a conversation with him in order to let him know that he will have to get his things out of the house by the days end. My name is not Mat anymore and I will not be walked on any longer!!
He starts back to work Monday and this is his last shot. Any nonsence and he is fired. He never did hit his bottom before treatment. I think he went in because he was going to lose his job then if he didnt and he just said and did what they wanted him to in there. He made a mockery of it all in hindsight.
Well, I am unsure of what the future brings. I only know this. I have the program and for that I am grateful. I continue to go to my wkly f2f meeting and at the end of the month I will be 40 years old. I plan on making my life begin at 40 unfortunately my husband's seemed to have ended at 40.
I will try to keep it all together because really I have no choice. I have two young men counting on me. They have lost respect for their father so it is all up to me. I pray that i can handle it. But then again they say God never gives us more than we can handle..we'll see about that.
Until next time
Hockeydal
Hello Dal, so sorry uhave to be going thru this , Sobriety is so scarry for all concerned , we waited for it for so long an it is not pleasant. I don't want to make this a plea for your husb, but I know he is so full of guilt and shame and if sober he is what I lovingly call "Stark Raving Sober" in other words he is nuts. Alot of a's dont feel they deserve to be loved so push away the people they love the most,with a good program and alot of help from AA he will work thur this.
Please don't make any rash decissions just yet, use this time of separation to get to know your self a little better, learn about this disease and how it has truly affected your life. try and be grateful that he is giving you some money to help out alot of men don't do that for thier families they simply walk away.
Get to alot of meetings and throw in a AA open meeting if you have the time, it will help u alot but over all , look after yourself and keep your expectations low - he is truly a troubled man at the moment . be patient. there is always hope for us . recover and know that with or with out him u will be ok. Leave the relationship to God let him take care of it while u concentrate on getting your life back. good luck Louise
(((Hockeydal)))
I know this might not sound easy, but try and be patient. You are not a door mat, but try and give things a little time. If he is going to work his program, you will know soon enough.
I know how frustrating it is. Rehab doesn't solve our problems, sometimes it gives us a whole new set of them.
Keep working on yourself, and try and treat yourself extra good. I can tell by your post that you are hurting, and right now you can probably use a little TLC.
Love Jeannie
((((((Hockeydal)))))) Big huggs to you!!!!!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and hope that in time each day gets easier and that your husband does find his way. Sobriety is a on going journey and struggle every day. Just a thought maybe your husband doesn't know who he is and needs time to figure that out. I recently listened to an AA speaker and his life after his new found sobriety was just as out of control as it was before he began his journey of sobriety.
I will be thinking of your family.
Your friend JJ
Hi hockeydal,
Please remember you are not alone (eventhough sometimes it feels like it). You have all of these WONDERFUL people online, your HP, and maybe you have some alanon friends that are a phone call away? (and f2f meetings, of course). You don't have to go through anything alone, so lean on those who are there for you.
Try to take care of yourself- sending positive thoughts to you!
mariss