Hello, I am new here, and I am looking for some advice.  After 15 years, I bit the bullet and separated from my A. a year and a half ago.  He jumped right into another relationship with a girl 17years his junior.  For the last year or so, he has been kinda calling me up every once in a while and pulling me back in to his life, talking about our future etc, even though he has been living with her.  I have always maintained that I want to remain friends with him because of the kids, but nothing more.  Anyways, they are still together and now live over 3 hours away from his children.  He calls me up and wants the kids for the weekend and said that she will pick them up on Friday and he will drop them off on Sunday.  I am not sure what I should do here.  Do I let them go with her?  I feel that I sound irrational when I say no to his request.  The kids do know her and are comfortable with her, and according to him, she will be their stepmother one day.  But I still have issues with a little thing called respect here.  I feel that I do not get any from either my ex or his new girlfriend.  She doesn't acknowledge me for even a hello at all.  I have been more than civil towards her and him.  I have even given them an xmas card too.  I want to do what is best for my children, and want to take the "high" road here with some class.  Please can anyone give me some advice. 

hi, my first thought was, for me, I would trust my intuition. You left him because I assume you had enough. I would question why I would allow the kids to be in that situation again with him on weekends. You sound like a very good mom and you are taking care of you and the kids. I am thinking that if I am treated with direspect from anyone, there is no way I am allowing my precious kids to be with that person! I want to say, would you trust her with 3 $100 bills? If there are no visitation rules in effect, I would only allow my kids to be with him and in your own city. He chose to move knowing his kids would be 3 hours away. Using A's do not make wise decisions. I did not see a lot of info in your post but I say trust your intuition, protect your kids. Love,debilyn who was ultra protective and now her kids are wonderful people, wise and healthy. (28 and 29)

Hi Freckles,

I agree with Wals and Debilyn, trust your instincs.  If he is still using, the safety of the children must come before all else. 

Bonnie

hi freckles........

my concern is that YOU are not concerned about his drinking and driving with the children.  your reasons for hesitating are because SHE doesn't acknowledge you, they haven't shown you respect, your feelings are hurt.

this is not about you.  this is about the kids.  examine your motives and do what is best for the kids.  if at the end of it all you are concerned he may drink and drive, then you can and should re-assess visitation.  but do it the legal way.

keep coming to the board and get to meetings.

remember, taking the high road, means putting hurt feelings aside, and putting children first.

jo

Hi Freckles,

You didn't say if the woman your ex is living with drinks or not. I agree with what some of the others have said. If you seperated from him because of his drinking, why are you willing to put your children into that situation? I would be terrified that they would be in a car with him while he was drinking.

I have six children, and right now, I have allowed no contact with them and my actively drinking husband. It has nothing to do with anger or spite, or respect, A's don't respect anyone. It has soley to do with the safety and well being of my children. His drinking was hurting all of us, and I removed him and it from the picture.

When and if the time comes that he wants to fight for visitation, I will go into court with documents about his driving record, alcohol related arrests and whatever testimoney I can get from neighbors and family about his drinking and dangerouse, abusive behavior when drunk. Hopefuly this will convince the court that he should only have supervised visitation.

My children are the most preciouse things in my life, and they have been through enough, I will not put them through any more of his drinking.

I would think long and hard before commiting to anything.

                        Love Jeannie

 

Hi frekles , you also didn't mention if the kids want to see him.  i think they should have  say too it is thier lives.  Is girlfriend a drinker too, and will she help them if things get crazy?

If the kids feel frightened do they have your number to call so ucan go and get them. Lots of questions to be considered i guess.  Kids first  always.  good luck  Louise