My husband, an alcoholic, has decided that he needs to leave, and go work in TX (where he is from and is about 8-10 hours away). When we first discussed it, I got knots in my stomach, because of the uncertainty of it and the fear of change (he has been out of work for 2 years now, and has been pretty consistant in his inconsistancy, if that makes sense). But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's probably the best idea. I can cover the house and bills and kids, I have been doing it myself with him here anyway, and the help with the money would be great, and the peace of him not being here (and me being able to work on myself by myself for a change!) But of course now he's being a bit iffy about it. After, of course, he's told my family, got a job there, and everything. He has told me he doesn't want to leave us, but he has plans and money to leave tomorrow. My first reaction is to try and control this. I am praying and reading my CAL, and trying to give it up to God, but I am so tempted to tell him he has to go, to pack for him, to make sure he follows through with this. Other than doing what I am already doing, how else can I stay out of this? How can I not try and control it?

Hi - My suggestion would be to do nothing. Perhaps his Higher Power has something different in mind for him than you do. And if not - I found that when I tried to help the a do what I wanted him to do he usually balked and did the opposite. Talk to Al-anon friends and visit the chat room and ask your Higher Power for help. You'll make it ok. When we keep out of their business it usually turns out better than we could ever imagine. Keep coming back and take it one minute at a time. Love and hugs - Dot

cah,

i agree with dot...we stay out of it one day at a time or one hour at a time, the way an a must stay away from alcohol. I sometimes viualize how i will handle a /conversationsituation that is hard (with help from healthy things i read or hear people share about or understand thru prayer) and i end up having better luck doing it when it comes up. getting out of my head is the key & beginning to trust the process that will bring me to what i need if not always what i want.

be good to you and nurturing--this is a hard time & u r worth it. the kids r worth it to so spend some time taking care of u with the tools u here in here and meetings.

i'll pray 4 u!!---Luv

Thanks to both of you for the replies.

He ended up leaving, and I am sad but a bit relieved.  I am half expecting him to walk through the door, though. 

 

 

The above replies were excellent advice. Stay out of it. It happend just as God intended it to go. Now focus on your program, the kids, and you'll be fine. Let him worry about him and what he is going to do. I left my husband at a train station about 5 months agO , as I told him he had to leave and be with his parents. I stayed at that train station until I was sure he was gone. Weeks later I kept thinking he would walk in drunk and I was walking around on eggshells not knowing if he would come back. Now it has been 5 months without him and I am doing better than ever. I have a lot of slips but I keep working my steps, call my sponsor, go to meetings, and read, write and work my fourth step. It works if you work it. Love from one who cares. Joeygirl.

Your on the right track, enjoy the free time to work on your own recovery, God will take care of him and be grateful that he is working again

.Sometimes a separation for job situations is a good thing , brings u actually closer to gether gives us more apprecialtion for each other.  Enjoy the freedom u have been given.  Louise