Picked wife up from rehab yesterday. Myself and the kids were happy to have her home. She seems in good spirits and doing well. I wish I could say same for me, hum I felt agitated yesterday for some reason. I don’t really know what was up with me because I could not put a finger on it, so I kept fairly silent last night and kept my thoughts to myself. I've been kinda uneasy today here at work as well, and got kinda short with another when there was no need. I really hate to admit it but I think I was looking for some conversation yesterday that may go something like“ok how are things are going to be now?” I did not do this however, I was thinking it, maybe even craving it. I know better. I know she is working hard and I have to stay out of her stuff and will. That is just what those thoughts were for me, in her stuff. Maybe I did put my finger on it after all. I guess I find posting this helped cause just now at 5 pm the next day did I take time to think it out. The fact that there was nothing that prompted my unease yesterday concerns me. I guess my stuff concerns me. I'll have to take that one day at a time. Thanks Mark S

Mark

I'm so glad your Wife is back home with you and doing well. Rehabs don't give us all the answers, we have to be patient and work thru them in time.

Be patient and give her the time and space to continue working her program. Keep working your own program, and be patient with yourself. You are on the right track,  you have come so far.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

                        Love Jeannie

Hello Mark , was happy to hear that your wife returned home to her family. this is a touchy time for all of us who find ourselves with a newly sober partner, we have so many expectations and fears of what lies ahead. I am so glad u didnt ask the question "where do we go from here" Mark, she like you is probably scared to death no one knows what the future holds,I am so grateful that I got to Al-Anon before my husb sobered up 16 yrs ago. sobriety it became clear quickly was not going to be the answer to al of our problems.  I am relieved that a vetran member of this prog reminded me to not miss the good days , I had missed quite a few by then worrying about his drinking again, I also worried that now sober maybe he wouldn'd need me in is life anymore,I was reminded over and over again  to live and enjoy one day at a time, and thats what I have done new sobriety is like living with a foriegn person . no one knows what to say or talk about everyone including the A is walking on egg shells. Some one told me that Stark raving sober describes the A perfectly,they appear calm and in control but are always fighting the disease that tells them one drink won't hurt, and some days all a alcoholic can do is just not drink.

I was also told to take my problems to a sponsor or a meeting and come home with a solution. I never forgot that so many things I wanted to say but didnt know how to without hurting my husb. so by talking to sponsor first I could go home and say what I mean , mean what I say but don't be mean when I say it , turns out that most of the time I only wanted to be heard and my sponsor did that for me half of what troubled me was my own problem  anyway not about him after all.

So good luck keep going to meetings and leave her to AA and God while u continue to get your life back. DONT MISS THE GOOD DAYS !!!!!!!!!

Louise  

Hello MarkS,

Thanks for posting about your wife coming home. My daughter should be getting discharged this week too. If you look at hockeydal's post you will see some of us are experiencing the same feelings when our loved ones get out of treatment. That is why we all need each other here and need to share experiences.

I am experiencing different feelings too. She moved into her new apartment on Saturday but is not discharged yet. I am thinking some alcoholics are pretty selfish,,so people have said that to me in chat. Maybe it is time we get selfish about us? I am not sure. This has not been a good day for me either with feelings. It didn't help when I decided to work on me and share a situation about my daughter that happened last year and why I was feeling the way I am,,and someone in the room said..they were feeling uncomfortable with what I was talking about and crap like that. I am not sure about all these personalities at this place and when I am having such intense personal feelings,,,the last thing I need is that kind of crap. So what I am saying is,,,thank you for always being supportive of me. Your feelings are important and so are mine.

cdb

((((mark))))  I am glad that your wife is back at home. I hope that all goes well!! I have no experiene with rehab as my husband does not want sobriety and has made that clear to me.  What I do see in your post is that you have lost your smile and worry and fear has taken over, so huggs to you! YOU HAVE A GREAT SMILE!!!! I hope you find it again and that everything will work out for your family. I wish the best for you.

Your friend
JJ

Hey Mark

Well, do I know just how you are feeling. My husband got out of treatment last Wednesday.  He didn't come home to his family until Thursday. He stayed here for the weekend as my son had a tournament and then Monday and Tuesday nights he has stayed at his mothers apt. with her.  He hasnt bothered to let us know that he wasn't coming home. Guess we were just suppose to figure it out.. as we did.  He is definately exhibiting the dry drunk symptoms as he went to the casino last night and lost $140.00 WHY??? Just come home for God sake. I just dont get what they are always looking for when it is right in front of their face. 

I agree with cdb, it is time for us to become selfish.  I am sick of coddling him. I plan on worrying about my boys and myself..our family.  If he chooses to be apart of it then fine. But it will now be under my terms. 

As far as conversation goes; my husband was in for 28 days and I have heard nothing about the experience really. Not that he was good at expressing himself  before but I thought he would have learned a  bit while in there.

Anyway, I pray all goes well for you with your wife.  I hope the best for your family situation.  Keep your chin up and keep coming back!

 

Ya know for me there times that it is abundantly clear to me that I am sick, kind of in your face clear, wew. Sunday and yesterday was one of those times. I am happy with myself that I did not act on this sickness (my thoughts) at least, except for my dismal presence and shortness with another at work. I used the board in lieu of a sponsor yesterday as I am sponsor less at this point, but that too I will need to exercise some patiencel, but I know that I will find someone. I have been reading all of your posts lately, and find that I am in very good company. You take the time to pass encouragement on to me, when each of you has so much going on, that means a lot to me. Thanks!! and JJ by the way the smile isn’t gone, I just hide it once in awhile when I take myself too serious, then I realize I am and I have to laugh at myself, funny then the smile comes back. I won’t let myself miss the good days!! I’m glad I am able to come here so I don’t forget that. Funny, the days I tell myself when I get up this will be a good day, I really do find it easier to smile all day long and in fact it does turn out to be a good day. I wish the same for all of you. Thanks for being here. Mark S

Hello Mark,

I agree that this alcoholism is a family disease and yes we are sick too. I guess it is good that we understand that or we could not work on getting better. I am sorry that you don't have a sponsor yet, but there may be a reason only HP/God knows. I bought the book Paths to Recovery, Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts and it is a great book to work on the steps with or without a counselor. I wonder if you could even have a female sponsor online? My daughter's one female sponsor didn't have time for her...sheesh.  So in AA it was appropriate for her to get a male one if they meet in a public place and do not talk about sexual stuff. I for one need to have a great amount of trust in a person first before I can have someone be my sponsor.  It has more to do with past issues for me.

I am feeling better tonite after praying to my God/HP for guidance. I felt the guidance to come back here for me and to keep contact with the friends I have made here. So I did and wow, someone came into the room and needed to talk to me tonite. I had even thought about leaving the room earlier. IT just shows me how much each of us need each other here and how our HP/God is working on us individually. Keep on posting and keep on working on you. your friend in recovery ,,,cdb 

((((mark))))

Glad to here!!! I must tell you that you make me smile. I think that you are doing good. At my meeting tonight some one read about happiness and I must say that I am guilty of not being happy and letting others get me down any how I look forward to reading your posts and plan on putting the stratigy of waking up and decuiding to be happy for the day into my daily routeen. Well it made me think of you and how your smiling makes me smile. It is contagous i think.

I hope that things go well or get better for you and your family. I am also glad that you don't miss the good days.

talk to you later your friend JJ

cdb Thanks for coming back and sharing your ideas for a sponsor. You suggest a female sponsor, while I do find that the ratio of females is much higher in alanon and I gain soooo much from them, to this point most of what I have learned so far. I believe my step 4 and especially step 5 would be much tougher, maybe harder to be totally honest though, I am not sure, maybe a guy thing. I read in your previous post in this string that there are many different personalities in this place, yes I do agree with you, but you will find that in any place so I am glad you keep coming back here. I am very sure that some maybe most here think I'm a flake and I am sure I probably am. I must have said something stupid, wouldn’t surprise me a bit knowing me. That was pretty evident on the utter silence I got when I replied to a post that I was desiring a sponsor, even the e-mail I sent was ignored. I'm not gonna let that worry me though because if I didn't have issues I probably wouldn't be here or looking for a sponsor and feel ill towards no one, probably just wasn’t in the plan I know god has for me. Good news on that though, got a meeting tonight and it is same time as AA in same building so gonna hang around tonight and check it out, I don’t see any reason a sponsor from AA wouldn’t be just as good. I don't go to the chat room much as I find it difficult to keep up, lol by the time I get a thought typed out the moment has long since passed, you on the other hand I notice are right at home with it, just don't let those that seem to want to take your temperature get ya down, not everyone will like us, just know there are those of us that do. JJ Good for you, I know the ups and downs you have been experiencing as of late, have done them myself. You keep on being you, and keep on going, I get a lot from your posts and many of your replies make my day and make that smile that much bigger, you are a very personable person..thanks for that. You hang in there, and yea it seriously does help me to tell myself today will be a good day, kind of sets the tone for the day for me. Seems that some of the things that would normally get me down just don’t seem to have the affect that they do on days that I wake up and allow my self to feel down..Helps me to get plenty sleep and get up early as well for some reason. By the way you mention that your husband does not want sobriety, I would willing to bet that he probably is thinking about it, maybe even desiring it. That is for him to work through, your support though may just get in the way. You keep working on you, keep your chin up and continue to be the great gal you are. You guys (gals) are great thanks for being here, and today is a good day Mark S