I am what I consider to be a very private person. I was raised in a home where you were TOLD not to discuss family business with outsiders.
That is still very dominant in my thinking.
But overtaking this is my pain. So I became sick and tired last July of the pain from living with an alcoholic husband and all of the tomfoolery and insanity involved in such an endeavor.
I searched around and found out about alanon and my life became better. My pain lessened. I learned tools for my toolset of how to deal with alcoholism.
I am working on my self and my personal issues and failings.
I am working on becoming less isolated.
I am thinking of telling my family about the alcoholism.
I have a large family and they grew up in the same "don't air your dirty laundry" type home.
When my younger sister went for marriage counseling last year it was discussed in whispers and she didn't want it to "get out" that she was less than perfect - what we were all raised to be, or it seems, the facade of it.
So my question to the board, if you are willing to share:
have you told your family about the living with alcoholism and if so how did it go?
Jeannie said
Mar 21, 2005
Megan,
Hi, When I finally opened up with my family and friends about my husbands alcoholism, they already knew. They had been waiting for me to aknowledge it and discuss it with them. I found them all to be supportive.
Your family is very possibly aware of it already, and is waiting until you are ready to speak about it.
Good luck with it.
Love Jeannie
wallsal55 said
Mar 21, 2005
I could never tell my family until I could comfortably talk about it in Alanon and amongst alanon members. My immediate family and my A's always seemed to be the last ones I could ! His family have been around it with other relatives, so it's just "oh" Change the subject. My side--they didn't really know what an alcoholic is all about. Take your time. You will/can talk when you are ready, and you will know it in your gut. : )
whitie said
Mar 22, 2005
megan
I couldn't tell my family for the longest time. My in-laws knew and thankfully were very supportive of me. One night my sister called and she spilled her guts about her son being a drug addict. She continued to tell me about Ala-non. Well, I had been attending meetings for for two years unbekwonst to her. So, I told I know all about Ala-non. And out flowed my story. We had both been suffering all this time without each other to avoid admitting a weakness! It was hard to do and I still haven't told all of my siblings (5). I'm not sure they need to know. You will know when it's right.
But I do know that Ala-non has done for me than any of my family ever could. Hang in there and don't force it.
abbyal said
Mar 22, 2005
Hello Megan, secrets keep us sick. I finally told my parents along time ago that my husb was alcoholic and it was a relief , no more lies. I also told them that i was attending Al-Anon and had decided to stay in the marriage. I just ask them to support my decission, I made a point of not telling them what He was doing as it only upset them i had prog people I could talk too on a daily basis. when I told my father he j ust looked at me and said - now everything makes sence- they knew something was wrong here but had no idea what.
If you decide to tell them just hug them and tell that u are getting help and u will be ok that is really all they want to know anyway. You are after all t hier kid and they worry. goodluck Louise
cdb said
Mar 22, 2005
Hello megan,
What a great question. My husband's family is like what you described yours to be. I am not like that and was brought up differently. The interesting thing for me is when we have to find out information on something when we are visiting his family, like even how a relative is doing in the hospital, they will say,,,cdb will call for us. So, you may not realize but some people will view you as a strong person. Some may not feel comfortable. Let them keep whispering. But as far as I see it you are setting a good positive example of how to deal with alcoholism and it may rub off on others. Just pray to your HP/God about guidance to know when and how to do this for you,,,,well at least that is what I try to do now. cdb
megan said
Mar 23, 2005
Hi Thanks to all who replied.
You sure have given me alot to think about and when the time is right and it is natural I will share with my family.
My parents are both dead so it is my siblings - a large family that I will tell.
In fact Saturday we are going to the auto show in NYC and then out to a nice dinner.
They invited me and my husband but I replied that it would be "just me" as that is who I could count on to show up.
I haven't had a reply back to THAT email...
My A first said no and then yes to going, but he's so irrational I REFUSE to get caught up in his crap I did it for too many years....before alanon made me self-aware, brought me to knowledge. and oh yes, knowledge is powerful stuff
Ava said
Mar 25, 2005
Hey Megan
I have told my mother about my husbands alcoholism but it took me a while, I had to be sure thats what it was in my own mind first. I didn't directly tell my father 'My hubby is a real true blue alcoholic' as he is a heavy drinker as well but i have relayed the drinking patterns to him. My sisters have coped with the news fine but they are only young 18 & 21.
My main problem has been the extended family, aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents, every body knows but NOBODY brings it up around me and I don't really bring it up either, in fact I have been kind of avoiding my extending family (not intentionally) because I am kind of ashamed and embarrased about the whole situation and find it hard to talk to people who don't understand the complexities involved.
I had to go to a big formal family function last Saturday afternoon. It was very stressful for me as it was the first time I had seen any of my extended family members since the knowledge of my hubby's and my problem became public knowledge. That side of the family are all very successful and well to do and everybody avoided me like the plague I felt like a social out cast as A did not come with me and I felt like the leper wife with the problem marriage.
I am what I consider to be a very private person. I was raised in a home where you were TOLD not to discuss family business with outsiders.
That is still very dominant in my thinking.
But overtaking this is my pain. So I became sick and tired last July of the pain from living with an alcoholic husband and all of the tomfoolery and insanity involved in such an endeavor.
I searched around and found out about alanon and my life became better. My pain lessened. I learned tools for my toolset of how to deal with alcoholism.
I am working on my self and my personal issues and failings.
I am working on becoming less isolated.
I am thinking of telling my family about the alcoholism.
I have a large family and they grew up in the same "don't air your dirty laundry" type home.
When my younger sister went for marriage counseling last year it was discussed in whispers and she didn't want it to "get out" that she was less than perfect - what we were all raised to be, or it seems, the facade of it.
So my question to the board, if you are willing to share:
have you told your family about the living with alcoholism and if so how did it go?
Megan,
Hi, When I finally opened up with my family and friends about my husbands alcoholism, they already knew. They had been waiting for me to aknowledge it and discuss it with them. I found them all to be supportive.
Your family is very possibly aware of it already, and is waiting until you are ready to speak about it.
Good luck with it.
Love Jeannie
Hello Megan, secrets keep us sick. I finally told my parents along time ago that my husb was alcoholic and it was a relief , no more lies. I also told them that i was attending Al-Anon and had decided to stay in the marriage. I just ask them to support my decission, I made a point of not telling them what He was doing as it only upset them i had prog people I could talk too on a daily basis. when I told my father he j ust looked at me and said - now everything makes sence- they knew something was wrong here but had no idea what.
If you decide to tell them just hug them and tell that u are getting help and u will be ok that is really all they want to know anyway. You are after all t hier kid and they worry. goodluck Louise
Hello megan,
What a great question. My husband's family is like what you described yours to be. I am not like that and was brought up differently. The interesting thing for me is when we have to find out information on something when we are visiting his family, like even how a relative is doing in the hospital, they will say,,,cdb will call for us. So, you may not realize but some people will view you as a strong person. Some may not feel comfortable. Let them keep whispering. But as far as I see it you are setting a good positive example of how to deal with alcoholism and it may rub off on others. Just pray to your HP/God about guidance to know when and how to do this for you,,,,well at least that is what I try to do now. cdb
Hi Thanks to all who replied.
You sure have given me alot to think about and when the time is right and it is natural I will share with my family.
My parents are both dead so it is my siblings - a large family that I will tell.
In fact Saturday we are going to the auto show in NYC and then out to a nice dinner.
They invited me and my husband but I replied that it would be "just me" as that is who I could count on to show up.
I haven't had a reply back to THAT email...
My A first said no and then yes to going, but he's so irrational I REFUSE to get caught up in his crap I did it for too many years....before alanon made me self-aware, brought me to knowledge. and oh yes, knowledge is powerful stuff
Hey Megan
I have told my mother about my husbands alcoholism but it took me a while, I had to be sure thats what it was in my own mind first. I didn't directly tell my father 'My hubby is a real true blue alcoholic' as he is a heavy drinker as well but i have relayed the drinking patterns to him. My sisters have coped with the news fine but they are only young 18 & 21.
My main problem has been the extended family, aunties, uncles, cousins, grandparents, every body knows but NOBODY brings it up around me and I don't really bring it up either, in fact I have been kind of avoiding my extending family (not intentionally) because I am kind of ashamed and embarrased about the whole situation and find it hard to talk to people who don't understand the complexities involved.
I had to go to a big formal family function last Saturday afternoon. It was very stressful for me as it was the first time I had seen any of my extended family members since the knowledge of my hubby's and my problem became public knowledge. That side of the family are all very successful and well to do and everybody avoided me like the plague I felt like a social out cast as A did not come with me and I felt like the leper wife with the problem marriage.
But I am proud that I made the effort anyways.
Hope this helps
Feeling isolated too
Ava