Well I never thought I would ever be on one of "these sites" I am sad and angry. A little background on me. I am 26 year sold, I am married to a beautiful woman and we are expecting our first child, a little baby girl Abby. My biological Father was mean and abused my Mother when I was young. I don't know much about him. I only remember him from 16mm home movies we used to watch at my grandparents, when we went for Christmas. I am guessing it is around this time my Mom started driinking, but I will never know. My Mom found a job in a smaller town about two hours from where I grew up and we moved. I grew up by myself, my Mom loved me and never hit me, but she drank alot. My big Sister remembers most of the drama from that period because she was a teenager then. My Mom met my Dad (Stepdad but I will call him "Dad") around my 8th birthday. My Dad was a strong and good man. He was a local attorney. My Dad ran for Mayor of our town and my Moms drinking got out of hand. My Dad's Father was a bad alchoholic, and he was not ready for this at all, and we had to cope ourselves. My Mom and Dad had two children when I was growing up one who is 16 now , and one who is 13. Lets call them Amy and Kara for aninimity. My parents still havn't told them we are step siblings,like they can't figure it out themselves. I remeber rocking Amy to sleep, when she was a baby, when my Dad would leave to go to his Mommy's house with Kara, because he couldn't handle my crazy, physically abusive Mother. My big Sister moved away during this time, so she wasn't around. Fast forward...I am in highschool and I am 18 a computer geek and have few friends and no self confidence AT ALL!!! My Mom ended up in rehab a few times and finally stopped drinking after she "hit her bottom". To this day we never mention that part of her life it is too taboo to talk about. I don't want people to think she is a bad woman. I love her and she is so excited about my new baby, but it hurts that she thinks everything is fine. My Dad is in his own world running for another public office, good for him and his career. Funny how I still look up to him, but inside he has issues too I guess. I went to college and dropped out went back, and after a few trade schools etc.. I have a BS from a local University now. At least my Dad paid for that for me. Thanks. I broke down after my Dad called me and told me my cousins Father died. Since his son was "The priest who married us", because we were forced to have him marry us. You can see where this is going. My dad's family are all very close and Irish Catholics. I was brought up Catholic and go to church, the crappy part is I live very close to my Mom and Dad and they want us to go with them every week to church and I HATE my Dad's WHOLE family, they make me want to puke!!! All they did was talk behind my Mom's back when she was drinking and never helped any, they stink, I will never forgive them, but I think that may be my big problem, forgiving and moving on, but it is hard. My Mom's familiy is the same way. ALL I HAVE IS MYSELF MY WIFE AND MY ABBY, WHEN SHE GETS HERE!!! I just want to protect her from all of this nonsense and pain. My lovely wife. I love her so much and she puts up with my depression and mood swings. So I started crying this morning and thought that it was time for help. Thanks for listening. -Ben

Ben:

Just the fact that you can have the courage to post and express so many of your emotions is an indication that you have the ability to overcome these emotions in your life.

I come from so much abuse and recently just left an alocholic relationship because I just could not bare the lifestyle and all.  It was difficult after and off/on battle of not wanting to accept that for 3 years, but I know its for the best.

I admire your openess and ability to express so deeply how much you love your wife and your baby.  Congratualations!!!!  

Allow yourself to feel all of those emotions, as it is only once we can feel and express our emotions that we are able to begin to work on how to heal ourselves completely.  If we didn't know how we felt, which is the case with most alcoholics, then we continue to live a life in denial and with no recovery...

Hang in there and always remember you'll have your ups and downs-- that is all part of life and recovery.  All of our emotions are God given emotions....  Ultimately, though we are to learn what it is that God is trying to tell us with those emotions so we can have peace.

Take Care.

-- Edited by sanddie at 11:26, 2005-03-20

Thank you for your reply I am so glad I found a place to share my thoughts. -Ben

Ben,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Gee, that sounds really tough. You must feel like you have a lot on your shoulders. My thoughts are with you. I have been pretty much ex-communicated from my Mom. E;ach of us is differant and the same at the same time as we deal with alcoholism; it can really stink at times.

I can share that 2 of the daily readings are helping me; Hope for Today and Courage to Change; they along with meetings are changing my life. There's an appendix in the back that list different areas by subject.

Congradulations for having the courage to ask for help. It is here.

alaskamatt

 

Hello ben,

You may think this is strange, but your story reminded me somewhat of the movie The YaYa Sisterhood. If you decide to watch it, I am sure your wife would like it too, let me know what you think? Your situation made me think of this movie for some reason. I would tell you about it,,but believe me, just because you are male and the person (Sandra Bullock) is female in the movie doesn't mean your situation isn't sort of similiar to this characters. Oh, and I do love happy endings,,,doesn't mean our lives will have them but we can learn from movies too.

I also think that once we know where our pain comes from and face it that Knowledge is Power. This is not alanon, but from my years of therapy.  I think you have come to the right chatsite and please keep posting and also know that there are meetings here too and open chat with people in your same situation/past here. Not everyone here comes to the message board so do think about trying the meetings/chatroom out sometime. By working on you and your feelings will provide a very unconditional love for both your wife and unborn child.  cdb

(((((Ben)))))<---huggs

Welcome you have come to the right place. I read your post earlier today and it brought tears to my eyes feeling your emotion and pain. You have taken a step in the right direction to reach out for help and support and you will find that here.

 

Keep comming back
JJ

Hi Ben,Most of us are broken when we find Alanon, but it can give us the strength and tools to begin to heal.

How wonderful for you both, a new baby!

The fact that you have come here, shows you don't want baby to be part of the crazieness.

Keep coming back.

                                   Love Jeannie