Yes I know better!!! I have no idea why I fell for it but I did. He drank today I guess me believing in him or his word was to much. He asked what was wrong when he woke me up from my nap to go get him and his friend some beer. I mostly avaided it and just told him that I am not going to enable his drinking. I did not go get him his beer and neither did he. He did drive his friend home which I did not approve of but minus the friend and the drinking stopped. So I believe that his drinking is based on his socializing and him not wanting to miss out on the "fun". In no way did he say that he was ready to quit just that it has been on his mind and that he admitied to having a problem and that he would try a week. So in the words try gives him the fall back excuse and in now way was I meant to take that he was actually going to go the week.
I should just be greatful that he kept his promise to our son and came home friday night and I am truely greatful and got over my upset for today. I did not cry, idid not yell, we did not fight. So this is still better than before.
I can not tell him that friends are not allowed over to our house especially when I had some over that DON"T DRINK but what i did realize today is that all of his friends drink excessivly or use and I shouldn't be so hard on him when his drinking would mean that he would have to cut all ties to these friends. This is going to be so hard on both of us......
Keeping with my program is all I can do and I know that it is just it was his words for once and no me at all he brought it all up and that got my hopes up. He did go through that door though and that is half the battle. He could very well be on his way.
Well I have gone on and got to get some sleep.
Thanks for letting me vent
Love and huggs JJ
Ava said
Mar 20, 2005
Hi ya
Vent away as much as ya like. Good on you for choosing not to buy the booze. Oh yes broken promises - they so like drinking!!! I read your posts and laugh at the behaviour of our A's that's so the same. My A likes to Get me out of the house so he can have space to drink and I'm sure he thinks it's a big secret and I know nothing about it. This arvo I went around to my sisters for an hour and a half when I got home at 4.00pm he was well on his way and slagging me off because i had 'Been out all day ect ect ect' then he gets short with our three year old boy and can hardly cope with anything. Then he slinks off to the back TV room with a couple of hidden beers to continue drinking. So I take the verbal abuse, get in washing, cook beautiful roast dinner, supervise toddler and A crashes in bed at 7.00pm.
What a life huh and whats my salvation for the day? shares like yours jj
Keep smiling
Ava
TLC2 said
Mar 20, 2005
Sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back, but it's all in the eye of progres! Looks like two steps forward and one step back this time, there's always hope!! :) Love, TLC
cdb said
Mar 20, 2005
Hello jj,
(((((((((((((jj))))))))))) hugs for you and lots of congratulations for working your program and taking care of you, putting the focus on you. You may not see it, but I do. I see so much progress in you since we first met and I do need to read about your life. My daughter is doing so well now but I do realize that she could relapse any day now. The reality is she does suffer from the disease of alcoholism/drug addiction. Last night I asked her about the one friend that would pick her up from the treatment center and drive her to meetings who was a great support to her. My daughter told me that her friend is using again. I said, "oh no, she was doing so well." My daughter said, "mom, she is an alcoholic." That sure opened my eyes and put ME back in reality that the important thing with my 20 year old alcoholic/drug addicted daughter is to Take Care of Me and work My Own Recovery. I will always cherish the wonderful time she and I had last night together as I helped her organize her things in her new apartment with a newly clean and sober daughter soon to be discharged from her inpatient treatment center. I will hold on to the memories of the good times she and I have had and the daughter I raised and love so much and try to keep the disease where it belongs,,her issue not mine. I will try to keep seeing her and her disease as seperate. I will keep trying to detatch with love from the disease if it does reappear. The difference between my situation and yours jj, is that my daughter lives at her own apartment and I am not married to her. I have am not married to an alcoholic but I am married to someone who I can use the alanon skills on that I have been learning. Only You and Your HP/God can decide what is best for you and your son. Babysteps, Progress not Perfection and One day at a time is what comes to my mind right now. Keep on posting and keep on working your program. IN my eyes,you are doing great in your recovery! your friend in recovery, cdb
jo4 said
Mar 20, 2005
((((((((jj)))))))))))))))
those of us who have lived with this disease were cautiously encouraged by your hope. but knew in our hearts your Alcoholic would not be able to keep his promise, even tho it was most sincere and heartfelt.
my A, my husband (4years, 3 months sober) promised me MANY times that he would quit, that things had to change, that it was getting out of control. now that he is sober, he shares with me that he meant it with all his heart each and every time. he meant it when he called me 5 minutes from home telling me he would be right there, but didn't show up till 3 in the morning. he meant it when he said he would quit, starting tomorrow. he meant every word. the only problem was, until he realized he was an alcoholic and that the problem was bigger than him, he was unable to do it. he was unable to do it alone.
he too had many experiments. he had the 'marijuana maintenance program', the wine only experiment, the expensive wine only experiment, the beer only experiment, the 2 beer experiment. fortunately, he never heard of the winter only experiment or he would have tried that too! but, it is your hubbys' attempt to control his drinking that they all share. it is every alcoholic's dream to not have to quit drinking entirely but to become a social drinker which for them, is impossible. when he finally comes to that realization, he will seek help.
let him experiment. stay focused on your program. he is already beginning to see another way through you. keep the faith....and keep coming back.
my a adds to tell you..........rest assured he is drinking to hide the shame, guilt and remorse he feels every time his experiment fails and he fails you and your family. don't put expectations on him, and you won't be let down.
hugs, jo
jj said
Mar 21, 2005
Thank you friends for your replys they help me so much. They make me smile, they make me laugh and giggle, they bring tears to my eyes, they bring me good emotion because I have friends that share and care, just as I care for all of you.((((((())))))))))huggs to you all to.
Yes I know better!!! I have no idea why I fell for it but I did. He drank today I guess me believing in him or his word was to much. He asked what was wrong when he woke me up from my nap to go get him and his friend some beer. I mostly avaided it and just told him that I am not going to enable his drinking. I did not go get him his beer and neither did he. He did drive his friend home which I did not approve of but minus the friend and the drinking stopped. So I believe that his drinking is based on his socializing and him not wanting to miss out on the "fun". In no way did he say that he was ready to quit just that it has been on his mind and that he admitied to having a problem and that he would try a week. So in the words try gives him the fall back excuse and in now way was I meant to take that he was actually going to go the week.
I should just be greatful that he kept his promise to our son and came home friday night and I am truely greatful and got over my upset for today. I did not cry, idid not yell, we did not fight. So this is still better than before.
I can not tell him that friends are not allowed over to our house especially when I had some over that DON"T DRINK but what i did realize today is that all of his friends drink excessivly or use and I shouldn't be so hard on him when his drinking would mean that he would have to cut all ties to these friends. This is going to be so hard on both of us......
Keeping with my program is all I can do and I know that it is just it was his words for once and no me at all he brought it all up and that got my hopes up. He did go through that door though and that is half the battle. He could very well be on his way.
Well I have gone on and got to get some sleep.
Thanks for letting me vent
Love and huggs
JJ
Hi ya
Vent away as much as ya like. Good on you for choosing not to buy the booze. Oh yes broken promises - they so like drinking!!! I read your posts and laugh at the behaviour of our A's that's so the same. My A likes to Get me out of the house so he can have space to drink and I'm sure he thinks it's a big secret and I know nothing about it. This arvo I went around to my sisters for an hour and a half when I got home at 4.00pm he was well on his way and slagging me off because i had 'Been out all day ect ect ect' then he gets short with our three year old boy and can hardly cope with anything. Then he slinks off to the back TV room with a couple of hidden beers to continue drinking. So I take the verbal abuse, get in washing, cook beautiful roast dinner, supervise toddler and A crashes in bed at 7.00pm.
What a life huh and whats my salvation for the day? shares like yours jj
Keep smiling
Ava
Hello jj,
(((((((((((((jj))))))))))) hugs for you and lots of congratulations for working your program and taking care of you, putting the focus on you. You may not see it, but I do. I see so much progress in you since we first met and I do need to read about your life. My daughter is doing so well now but I do realize that she could relapse any day now. The reality is she does suffer from the disease of alcoholism/drug addiction. Last night I asked her about the one friend that would pick her up from the treatment center and drive her to meetings who was a great support to her. My daughter told me that her friend is using again. I said, "oh no, she was doing so well." My daughter said, "mom, she is an alcoholic." That sure opened my eyes and put ME back in reality that the important thing with my 20 year old alcoholic/drug addicted daughter is to Take Care of Me and work My Own Recovery. I will always cherish the wonderful time she and I had last night together as I helped her organize her things in her new apartment with a newly clean and sober daughter soon to be discharged from her inpatient treatment center. I will hold on to the memories of the good times she and I have had and the daughter I raised and love so much and try to keep the disease where it belongs,,her issue not mine. I will try to keep seeing her and her disease as seperate. I will keep trying to detatch with love from the disease if it does reappear. The difference between my situation and yours jj, is that my daughter lives at her own apartment and I am not married to her. I have am not married to an alcoholic but I am married to someone who I can use the alanon skills on that I have been learning. Only You and Your HP/God can decide what is best for you and your son. Babysteps, Progress not Perfection and One day at a time is what comes to my mind right now. Keep on posting and keep on working your program. IN my eyes,you are doing great in your recovery! your friend in recovery, cdb
((((((((jj)))))))))))))))
those of us who have lived with this disease were cautiously encouraged by your hope. but knew in our hearts your Alcoholic would not be able to keep his promise, even tho it was most sincere and heartfelt.
my A, my husband (4years, 3 months sober) promised me MANY times that he would quit, that things had to change, that it was getting out of control. now that he is sober, he shares with me that he meant it with all his heart each and every time. he meant it when he called me 5 minutes from home telling me he would be right there, but didn't show up till 3 in the morning. he meant it when he said he would quit, starting tomorrow. he meant every word. the only problem was, until he realized he was an alcoholic and that the problem was bigger than him, he was unable to do it. he was unable to do it alone.
he too had many experiments. he had the 'marijuana maintenance program', the wine only experiment, the expensive wine only experiment, the beer only experiment, the 2 beer experiment. fortunately, he never heard of the winter only experiment or he would have tried that too! but, it is your hubbys' attempt to control his drinking that they all share. it is every alcoholic's dream to not have to quit drinking entirely but to become a social drinker which for them, is impossible. when he finally comes to that realization, he will seek help.
let him experiment. stay focused on your program. he is already beginning to see another way through you. keep the faith....and keep coming back.
my a adds to tell you..........rest assured he is drinking to hide the shame, guilt and remorse he feels every time his experiment fails and he fails you and your family. don't put expectations on him, and you won't be let down.
hugs, jo
Thank you friends for your replys they help me so much. They make me smile, they make me laugh and giggle, they bring tears to my eyes, they bring me good emotion because I have friends that share and care, just as I care for all of you.((((((())))))))))huggs to you all to.
Your friend love
JJ