Hey cdb I was just thinking about you and hopping that the family meeting went well. I haven't seen you on here and it made me think of you more.
Well I hope that all is well with everyone and you are in my prayers.
Love your friend in recovery JJ
debilyn said
Mar 16, 2005
JJ me too! I been wondering too. cdb I just now fixed my computer. someone in the chat room told me I needed to download a newer browser.
Anyway please let us know how things are.
I was going to say, do your best to support your daughter now if you can. I know when my son got back from his survival school rehab he needed that more than anything.
Just let her know you are proud of her and you know she can do it. Even if, inside you are afraid. Our kids need us to be strong for them. hugs, and love,debilyn
cdb said
Mar 17, 2005
Hello friends,
Wow, I am sorry I haven't posted yet. I always say I am not much of a multitasker and that is the truth. I have been so busy yakking in the chatroom at MIP that I forget about this message board. I guess that is another one of my shortcomings God/HP needs to work with me on is moderation and balancing.
We did have the family meeting on Tuesday this week and it went well but was stressful too. The addiction counselor confronted ME at the end on my situation with taking opiate pain meds. This has really bothered my daughter alot and she has spoken and journaled about it during her treatment. I explained where I am at with the issue with me and agreed to go to a couple online AA meetings and talk to my doctors,,,,even though I know what my doctor's will say. I did remind them that the accupunturist is working on me so I can wean off of the only 10 mgs. of methadone I now take. He wants me to wean off of the methadone in 4 to 6 months. My pain specialist believes that the methadone will be out of my body in one to two weeks according to the pharmaceutical thinking. I am deciding on what to do about the situation since it is my body. Well, I told my daughter later what the accupuncturist said to me after the family meeting when I saw him. I am not in denial of a problem and I am currently working on my situation. And I may indeed need the opiate pain meds for my chronic pain. I have never craved any addictive medication and always take the least amount possible which sometimes is not good either for chronic pain. And he reminded me that an addiction counselor is not a doctor. I could tell my daughter felt better that I at least acted upon her request.
The counselor at the family meeting saw her close up and put her walls up when we talked about some issues that hubby and I had about her treatment release , possible relapse, her living in her own apartment right away, her future career plans and her not being able to hold a job for long. The counselor did point out to our daughter her body language and our body language and tone of voices too (mostly hubby's tone of voice). We all talked about changes each of us had to make for our own journeys and recovery. This was harder for my husband and we all could see him look depressed and almost like everything was his fault. He is the one that needs to work on his harsh sounding voice and loud voice. So that was all positive. Hubby did have to call into work sick that nite (which he never does) due to a bad headache etc. It was a hard session for him.
I was upset that hubby had agreed to cosign our daughter's apartment lease since he and I had agreed not to cosign anything for her anymore. We talked about this issue too. The counselor pointed out that there is Good Enabling and Bad Enabling which I told her was a new concept for me. She said by us helping our daughter and giving her second chances in her recovery that we are Enabling her to start her new life over and are being supportive. She explained that this is Good Enabling too. I guess if we all looked the definition of enabling up in the dictionary that would apply. I am not sure what alanon thinks of that but the treatment center does follow the 12 step program.
We then went with our daughter to go see an apartment where she could have her hamster. It was $50.00 less than the one she had her heart set on and I later on voiced to my husband how HER higher power is working in her life. Well, this HP/God stuff is new to my husband but he listens to what I am learning at alanon and takes what he wants and leaves the rest. He is trying so hard to change too and to be supportive of our daughter too.
She will be getting out of treatment this week and moving into her new apartment. Hubby and I are happy to not have her at home too. We still do wait up for her and wonder where she is at, etc. So this is a very healthy move for us too. The rent deposit etc. he put is equal to about 10 days of treatment so it is interesting to see that our money is actually going to her transitioning in a treatment type of way. WE did agree to pay for her treatment etc. even though she is 20. She did sign a contract to pay us back for the apartment money and all we are requiring is $25.00 a month.
Whew, are you as tired as I am reading this as I am typing this? I will continue to work my program and detatch with love. Yes, I am nervous about her getting out but she seems stronger now than she has ever been. The counselor did bring up the nice things she has journaled about us,,,,and asked daughter to share. Our daughter mentioned one thing at the time after permitting the counselor to say what situations she was talking about. She said how she sees and feels that we as her parents have done so much for her out of love and is very appriciative of it and knows that alot of parents don't care enough to help their kids like we have supported her. Our daughter fought back tears,,she still seems like she has to be tough and doesn't want to cry. I feel that will change in time when she feels more secure in herself and in her own skin. She also is still trying to break the apron strings since mom/me keeps wanting to mother her and not let go of the kite,(thanks to JOHN/OP for that analogy).WE did all go out to eat afterwards and had a very nice time together laughing and talking and loving each other. Happy ending? Well, that day it was. I Love happy endings but that isn't the real world. A happy day with lots of serenity,,yes. But as the saying goes,,,One day at a time. I know I have you all and this site to keep coming to for learning and support and that is what keeps me going. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)
Hey cdb I was just thinking about you and hopping that the family meeting went well. I haven't seen you on here and it made me think of you more.
Well I hope that all is well with everyone and you are in my prayers.
Love your friend in recovery
JJ
Hello friends,
Wow, I am sorry I haven't posted yet. I always say I am not much of a multitasker and that is the truth. I have been so busy yakking in the chatroom at MIP that I forget about this message board. I guess that is another one of my shortcomings God/HP needs to work with me on is moderation and balancing.
We did have the family meeting on Tuesday this week and it went well but was stressful too. The addiction counselor confronted ME at the end on my situation with taking opiate pain meds. This has really bothered my daughter alot and she has spoken and journaled about it during her treatment. I explained where I am at with the issue with me and agreed to go to a couple online AA meetings and talk to my doctors,,,,even though I know what my doctor's will say. I did remind them that the accupunturist is working on me so I can wean off of the only 10 mgs. of methadone I now take. He wants me to wean off of the methadone in 4 to 6 months. My pain specialist believes that the methadone will be out of my body in one to two weeks according to the pharmaceutical thinking. I am deciding on what to do about the situation since it is my body. Well, I told my daughter later what the accupuncturist said to me after the family meeting when I saw him. I am not in denial of a problem and I am currently working on my situation. And I may indeed need the opiate pain meds for my chronic pain. I have never craved any addictive medication and always take the least amount possible which sometimes is not good either for chronic pain. And he reminded me that an addiction counselor is not a doctor. I could tell my daughter felt better that I at least acted upon her request.
The counselor at the family meeting saw her close up and put her walls up when we talked about some issues that hubby and I had about her treatment release , possible relapse, her living in her own apartment right away, her future career plans and her not being able to hold a job for long. The counselor did point out to our daughter her body language and our body language and tone of voices too (mostly hubby's tone of voice). We all talked about changes each of us had to make for our own journeys and recovery. This was harder for my husband and we all could see him look depressed and almost like everything was his fault. He is the one that needs to work on his harsh sounding voice and loud voice. So that was all positive. Hubby did have to call into work sick that nite (which he never does) due to a bad headache etc. It was a hard session for him.
I was upset that hubby had agreed to cosign our daughter's apartment lease since he and I had agreed not to cosign anything for her anymore. We talked about this issue too. The counselor pointed out that there is Good Enabling and Bad Enabling which I told her was a new concept for me. She said by us helping our daughter and giving her second chances in her recovery that we are Enabling her to start her new life over and are being supportive. She explained that this is Good Enabling too. I guess if we all looked the definition of enabling up in the dictionary that would apply. I am not sure what alanon thinks of that but the treatment center does follow the 12 step program.
We then went with our daughter to go see an apartment where she could have her hamster. It was $50.00 less than the one she had her heart set on and I later on voiced to my husband how HER higher power is working in her life. Well, this HP/God stuff is new to my husband but he listens to what I am learning at alanon and takes what he wants and leaves the rest. He is trying so hard to change too and to be supportive of our daughter too.
She will be getting out of treatment this week and moving into her new apartment. Hubby and I are happy to not have her at home too. We still do wait up for her and wonder where she is at, etc. So this is a very healthy move for us too. The rent deposit etc. he put is equal to about 10 days of treatment so it is interesting to see that our money is actually going to her transitioning in a treatment type of way. WE did agree to pay for her treatment etc. even though she is 20. She did sign a contract to pay us back for the apartment money and all we are requiring is $25.00 a month.
Whew, are you as tired as I am reading this as I am typing this? I will continue to work my program and detatch with love. Yes, I am nervous about her getting out but she seems stronger now than she has ever been. The counselor did bring up the nice things she has journaled about us,,,,and asked daughter to share. Our daughter mentioned one thing at the time after permitting the counselor to say what situations she was talking about. She said how she sees and feels that we as her parents have done so much for her out of love and is very appriciative of it and knows that alot of parents don't care enough to help their kids like we have supported her. Our daughter fought back tears,,she still seems like she has to be tough and doesn't want to cry. I feel that will change in time when she feels more secure in herself and in her own skin. She also is still trying to break the apron strings since mom/me keeps wanting to mother her and not let go of the kite,(thanks to JOHN/OP for that analogy).WE did all go out to eat afterwards and had a very nice time together laughing and talking and loving each other. Happy ending? Well, that day it was. I Love happy endings but that isn't the real world. A happy day with lots of serenity,,yes. But as the saying goes,,,One day at a time. I know I have you all and this site to keep coming to for learning and support and that is what keeps me going. Your friend in recovery, cdb :)