Clearly, a loved ones sobriety does not solve our problems, nor does physical separation or even death. Even those of us who have not been involved with any alcoholics for many years find that we continue to be affected by the family disease. In short, the effects alcoholism----obsession, anxiety, anger, denial, and feelings of guilt-----tend to persist until we seek recovery for ourselves.
The drama of other peoples problems can be very distracting, especially when those people are alcoholics. But in alanon we discover that the problem does not lie solely with another person: the problem is also with us. The behaviour of an alcoholic friend, spouse, child, sibling, employer, or parent may have led us to alanon, but we soon realize that our own thinking has become distorted. Alanon helps us to stop wasting time trying to change the things over which we have no control and to put our efforts to work where we do have some power----------over our own lives.
gardengal
megan said
Mar 15, 2005
the problem is also with us...
yes oh yes it is. The more alanon helps me to open my eyes the more I realize just how screwed up MY thinking and behaviour have become.
Work in progress- me.
babs said
Mar 15, 2005
so very true..........thanks.
estrelladehope said
Mar 15, 2005
I am pretty frustrated - if I am working on myself and have no control over the alcoholic then why shouldn't the spouses just leave the alcoholic especially if they do not have children? If I just left than I could work on myself without having the alcoholic to distract me and also knowing that if he does not love himself than he sure the hell cannot love me. If Al-Anon is all about loving yourself, why don't we love ourselves enough to get out of a sick situation and know we deserve more than a spouse who does not really "love" us. I know this is totally negative but doesnt it make some sense though? It is like, why do we have to wait to go through all 12 steps to realize we deserve more than this? Does anyone have any answers or experiences they would like to share? I need something to calm the angry voice inside me.
wallsal55 said
Mar 16, 2005
Yes...thank you gardengal for this one. My A has been back to meeting for over 2 months now...It's pretty quiet around here now. However, I have to realize from time to time...there is drama...going on in his mind when he tries to look for someone or something to blame outside of himself...then I have to not "get caught up in it or his thinking". Thanks...keeps me on my toes!
Clearly, a loved ones sobriety does not solve our problems, nor does physical separation or even death. Even those of us who have not been involved with any alcoholics for many years find that we continue to be affected by the family disease. In short, the effects alcoholism----obsession, anxiety, anger, denial, and feelings of guilt-----tend to persist until we seek recovery for ourselves.
The drama of other peoples problems can be very distracting, especially when those people are alcoholics. But in alanon we discover that the problem does not lie solely with another person: the problem is also with us. The behaviour of an alcoholic friend, spouse, child, sibling, employer, or parent may have led us to alanon, but we soon realize that our own thinking has become distorted. Alanon helps us to stop wasting time trying to change the things over which we have no control and to put our efforts to work where we do have some power----------over our own lives.
gardengal
the problem is also with us...
yes oh yes it is. The more alanon helps me to open my eyes the more I realize just how screwed up MY thinking and behaviour have become.
Work in progress- me.