We are all ready to recognize that our "A" is sick and actively seek their rehabilitation; it doesn't come so easy to see that I may need to change my mindset as well. While I have acknowledged that the "A" in my life has a disease, that doesn’t take rocket science, I am gratified that I was right about “them” and their disease. Do I lag behind in the acceptance that I have a disease and have devils of my own to deal with? Does it matter who my partner is, would I choose the same one or one amazingly similar? Until I accept that that I have a disease of my own, am I destined to continue this cycle of self destruction regardless of who my partner is? Only in truly facing the reality that I myself have a disease and work my own recovery am I going to break this cycle. I see where we acknowledge the fact that our partner needs help, to many our wish is granted and we “support” our partner seek this in form of rehabilitation, AA, we yearn for them to do the hard work of their recovery. What ever it takes, right? I have to ask myself do I support my own recovery, am I willing to do what it takes? Am I willing to do the hard work of my own? What ever it takes? Or am I going to sit stalled in the comforts of the program, seek the “that’s ok’s” “It’s not your faults” the “hugs” and all the “feel good” facets of the program. I’ll not work the steps, find excuses to not seek a sponsor and that f2f just doesnt fit todays schedule. Hey I’ll work it the convenient to me way, but only the parts that are easy. Having left the program once because things appeared to be going well and the “hey I’m to busy’s” I recognize that I wasn’t working or even in the program at all and I had turned nothing over, I had accepted nly that which was acceptable to me. It should come as no surprise that I find myself still in the cycle. These are things for me to ponder. I am not sad, disappointed or ashamed of myself for my failure to do the work that I needed to do. I see this as a first part in my path, I simply wasn’t ready the first go but I got that step out of the way. What I wish to do with the experience I've gained from this first part of my journey is entirely up to me. I hope I choose life this time. Still Smilin Mark S

Hello Mark,

It helps me to read your pondering of thoughts because I have some of the same questions and thoughts myself. My situation is different in that the alcoholic in my life is my daughter. Do I put the fault on the past generations? Do I fault myself for giving birth to her knowing that alcoholism was in the family? I am not sure how a person can break the cycle if in fact a gene is responsible and all we can do is wait for science to find this gene and then come up with a cure for our loved ones and our society. We can however, break the cycle of how we deal with this disease.

I am glad you posted. I see that for me I need to stick with this program. My daughter will always be an alcoholic/drug addict. It doesn't just go away like a cold or a flu. For me to continue to be a part of her life which I intend to be I need to work on myself so that I can be the best person I can for myself with skills to cope with her disease. You can divorce your wife yet your children could end up with this disease too, God forbid. She will always be the mother of your children. We need to work on ourselves to not only heal from being affected by the disease but also for our ability to cope with the future with the disease and with ourselves always being a part it. We were dealt this deck of cards for some reason and we need to play out the hand the best we can for us and our loved ones. These are my thoughts today brought on by your post. I see so much positive in sharing our thoughts and in the messages and posts on this board too. Thanks for being a part of this site, Mark. :)

I had to cancel the family meeting today and reschedule it for Tuesday. I woke up with a headache and sore throat. One day at a time is the best thing for me to concentrate on now. And hopefully everyday will be a day of continued learning for me to gain more alanon skills so my life can have more quality and serenity in it. Your friend in recovery, cdb

mark,

thank you for sharing that with us.  I can relate to alot there.  i have not really started "working" the steps, or have asked someone to be my sponsor, yet.  I also realize that i have had a pattern of dating alcoholics or people that are not available, so is it really about them? 

no..it's about me. the only one i can change...

thanks again for your post :)

hugs, christine

Hey cdb, Sorry you don't feel well today I hope it is nothing serious. You know I re-read my post and in a couple places I word it whereas I might infer that I may have some control over her recovery. This is not the case and I know that my desires, actions or “support” will have no effect on her recovery. Hers is hers alone and mine is mine alone. I know I’ll carry my issues where ever I go and who ever I’m with….So my efforts toward recovery are just for me. In regard to the gene statement, don’t play the blame game with yourself, remember you would have to have had some sort of control to have caused it, and we all know we have no control over it. I bet most of us has tried at one point or another though lol. I’m also glad you here as well!! None of us can do it alone can we as it’s my own thoughts that got me into trouble in the first place. Hope your smilin even though don’t feel well today Mark S

I can soo relate.  You have learned, that is progress.  I am glad for you.  TFS.

Mark,

You have learned a valuble lesson and in your share many of us will learn from that as well. This is my first time in alanon and realize it is vital for me to stick to my program for me. I hope all goes well for you and I am glad that you can keep smiling.

Love in recovery
JJ