Hello Everyone,

Part of my journey though alanon is to make amends. WEll, I need to explain about what I found to be a problem for me lately. I have chronic pain and at nite I take a pain pill called methadone which is very strong and also latey a sleeping pill called ambien. I know that my pain meds can sometimes make me have mood changes and even cause me to not act in a reasonable manner. Sometimes I don't even remember what I emailed someone about or talked to when I take the two together. Although that hasn't happened for a long time since I cut way down on my methadone and vicodin (which I take in the morning). Also, It takes awhile for my pain meds to kick in and that is what happened to me this morning in chat which made it hard for me to type with the pain I get in my hands and numbness too. IN fact, having to cut down on my chatting because of typing is making me really sad. I do have wrist splints I am wearing now to help the situation. So I am going to try and put a note after my name such as cdbCantType so people understand why I am not responding or talking as much.

If I have posted hurtful things lately or said things in chat that have been hurtful or seemed inapropriate compared to my usual self, please forgive me  (Not that my usual self is a healthy comparison) LOL. I am working on identifying my moods more so I find myself feeling over medicated with the medication, I will proabably not come online or sign off so I don't hurt anyone by mistake. I can also be more aware of this and be very careful too. I am working on this shortcoming.

I am not trying to make excuses, just creating new boundaries for myself and my health. My serenity is the utmost important thing to me now too. This is what I am learning with the 12 steps. I love to meet people here and chat and listen, but I may not be able to do this as much with my pain and medication side effects. Thanks for your support as always! cdb

(((((((((cdb)))))))))

you have always been very kind to me and I want the best for you. The best for your recovery as well. As always my prayers are of you and your family.

xoxoxo 
JJ

(((Cdb)))

I have never found you anything but kind and friendly. None of us are perfect.

I don't know that much about computers, but aren't there programs where you can speak and the computer does the typing? Or how about a keyboard that puts less stress on you, like the split ones, or the ones with the jell on the bottom. Not trying to be nosey, just trying to help.

                           Love Jeannie

JJ & Jeannie,

Thanks for the feedback. As far as the talking part,,,some chatrooms are set up for that. I don't think this one is. No matter what kind of keyboard etc. it all comes down to balance for me. I went shopping yesterday to Walmart and overdid it on my feet and stayed too long.I carried too many bags in at one time too. My husband has been getting groceries for quite awhile which helps. Just doing too many dishes or heavy pans will set my hands off. And,,,chatting for 3 or 4 hours at a time definately isnt a balance for me LOL. So, it is all in my managing my illness and pain. I do have proper hand position on the computer, etc. Just need to start wearing my hand splints and typing less. And I am still having accupunture which should help. Thanks,,,,cdb

Ooh cdb, Your note disappears. rrr I love your thought of amends. Thank you! I am in the throes of amends to myself - not being there for me, etc. And on here I go To accept my non-judgement side the accept / non critic side of me I am so greatful this side is in me. It means I have to tell others no. Sometimes. I can tell me yes. Tell healing yes. On we go! Gentle paths n light n love to all, k? Love in recovery, \/\/ille

cdb, I read your earlier post, I as well just finished the two day program at my wife's rehab center, have done it before but it was still emotionally intense, wew still comming down from it. It was very good though and I drove away tonight feeling good. What this means for the future I am unsure, but I guess thats why one takes ODAT. I have not viewed any reason for you to have the need for ammends here. You always carry a very positive caring tone. Thanks for the offer, however unneeded on my account. For future reference no one will ever have to apologize to me from this site or my home group as I do believe we are all sick due to the disease, thats why we're here. One of my first experiences in this program a veteran member said something that hurt, wow I was angry at the time. As time went on I finally understood what it was he was saying and instead of resentful I was grateful that he cared enough to tell me something he knew I probably wouldn't take well but he also knew it needed to be said. He harbored no resentments towards me because of my anger as he understood that in time I would understand, as he told me when I finally did and tried to apologize. I found I had alot of respect for him after this. I personally am not far enough along for many of my ammends myself as I have alot of things to workout before I feel that I will have the clarity of my thoughts (or heart) in order for many of my ammends to be sincere or for me to be at peace with such ammends. I'll get there when the time is right for me. I would say good luck on your family program tomorrow, but luck has nothing to do with it, I will however offer my prayer that god stand beside you and your husband as I did for myself and my wife the last couple days. He was there. Well I've written a book here... Mark_S

hi cdb In my opinion you dont need to make amends youve always been so kind and caring. Making sure everyone feels welcome. There is a program that you can get where you talk into the mircrophone and it types exactly what your saying. Its not a chat program its a program you can get for your ocmputer so you dont have to type lots of people i know have it. ITs not that expensive i used to have one years ago. You just talk a bit so it gets used to your voice and then it types whatever you say. You are in my thoughts always. Sorry i havent been around so much we are getting ready for my mothers return home for a while i hope. Thanks for all youve done for me dont hestitate to reach me on msn if you want to :)

 

kerry

 

 

Thank you for your posts MarkS, wille :) and kerry. You all brought alot of wisdom here for me too. Wille, I never thought about making amends to myself! Wow, that is a great idea. I am a good one for saying to people to be gentle to yourself and talk nice to yourself, but amends,I am working on that one too. You are a great person wille.

Mark S, I am glad your family meeting went well but do understand how hard it still is. The first one I went to, I remember thinking that I had been through this a year ago and it would be a cinch. Wrong thinking. I ended up crying again, but not as hard but the crying was from happiness. The hurt this time killed me harder inside because last year I think I was numb and in shock and afraid of reading my letter that the treatment center had us write. One Day At A Time, yep,,that's it! That is what I am striving for. Of course with HPs help. Keep on posting here and thanks for talking about your situation with the resentment and anger for you.

kerry, You never cease to amaze me! With all that is going on with your dying mom, you still post and care for other people! Even though you are a single mom with your 2 kids, you still give service work. I am still saying prayers for you. Give kids hugs and kisses from me.  cdb

cdb is Love walking, breathing, struggling, with a little joy now and then.

Hugs & Luv,

-- Edited by richard at 23:38, 2005-03-08

Wow Richard, you have such good insight!  Thanks for that beautiful thought and sentence Richard. cdb (((((((()))))))))