I was in mip in 2000 for two years. I left cause i was going through to much with a divorce at the time and i didnt know how to handle some things. I am a very intense person, i was angry at some people i thought that abandoned me. I was an op in Alanonchat, acoa chat, Alateen chat, and in the healing room. I also answered mip emails. I loved it all i loved that work and missed it. I remember when i was new there was a controversy with some members and me. There was controversy and People were trying to divide the room. That issue was handled after a while and it was ok. I thought about leaving many times because i was so into it i didnt know what to do. People were angry at me for not going there and people were angry at me for taking sides, but i was an op and did what i thought was the right thing to do. I do not regret it. I see now i have been back here for 4 months and the exact and i do mean exact thing is happening again. Alanon does not support division and it is not ok. It is also not ok to be in one room and talk about what is being said in another room. I guess there are people that do not like me but ive seen this. I am polite i dont care who likes me or not i say hi to all and whoever chooses to answer answers. I have been sharing alot lately about my mother and three times now i have found that it was tryed to be made less of my pain cause that person doesnt like me. But i am going to share anyway. I know someone is listening. I have the alanon program even tho it may not seem like it. I know that when someone is trying to make light of what i am sharing that even thouigh they make think they have this program down they still have alot to learn oldtimers included. when someone trys to lesson someone elses pain or trys to make them uncomfortable just because of the fact they dont like them that is not the alanon way. I dont think its ok to create division and controversy just cause someone doesnt get along i dont think its ok to not listen to someones pain and make light of it cause they dont think that person is worthy of attention. I dont think its ok if im sharing in one room to be asked to go to another. I think here we need to remember that this is alanon and in alanon we all share one common bond and that is we have been affected by alcohol that is the main purpose. The drama that i see and a very familiar drama that i was in years ago i am more mature now and will not participate in it. I use the room for my recovery and i do not care who likes my precence or not. Alanon is my program for me and thats what i believe alanon to be. Asking me to go to another room while im sharing in mip is not ok with me so please let the drama out of our room and lets all be a group. Cause thats what alanon is to me I love you all
kerry
kismetstrand said
Mar 6, 2005
Thank you for your post Kerry. I appreciate hearing what you had to say. Good reminders. At the first ftf I ever went to, we had these cards on the table which read "What you hear here, Who you see here, Let it remain here." These cards were a constant reminder to guard anonymity of all, and for me it also helped to remind me that I shouldn't be gossiping, talking about what others said or did. We also had the Al-Anon Spoken Here cards on the table. It is good to remind myself of this constantly. Too easy to fall back into old habits of getting into everyone else's business. I'm not perfect, but I do try to be aware of what I'm doing, and if I see myself doing that, I have to stop and remind myself again just why I am here at Al-Anon. As you said, I too am here for my recovery, it is my program too. Not only that, but it is a WE program, as you said we all share that common bond. I too get disturbed by the "drama" I see sometimes. I try to stay focused and not get involved in it. I try to remember we all come here because we were "sick" from the affects of living with alcoholism, and for each person, the time it takes for the lightbulb to come on is different. Ha, mine has come on and then gone off several times. LOL But I just keep plodding along and trying to flip that switch back to the "on" position. And thank you especially for the comments on each person's pain. A member told me way back when I first started "Never minimize your own pain." If someone thinks my pain is trivial, oh well, that is their opinion. I don't have to agree with it. Another thing I've heard in here "What others think of me is none of my business." I'll just keep plodding along and trying to do the best I can. Progress not perfection. Thanks ((((((((((Kerry))))))))))
Luv, Kis
jj said
Mar 6, 2005
Kerry,
I would just like to let you know that I have always enjoyed our visits and conversations that we have had. I am sory that these things are happening. I am not on chat all that often lately and reading about all of what is going on I am relieved that I am not on that much. I agree that everyone should be able to share and I am glad that you continue to share. I have learned that sharing helps me and when I do share I value the time given me.
Luv ya JJ
david62 said
Mar 6, 2005
Another beautifully written post Kerry. When I first started coming to MIP, about 6 months ago i found this wonderful sanctuary of a chatroom full of people who loved me and helped me from the word go. And within days I had found a new family.
But there was some power stuggle? or something that i started seeing when people would try to come into the room who had been banned. Wow! I didnt know what was going on. Someone finally told me there was another chat room and that it was "better" than alanonchat. I don't even remember what it was they told me anymore that made one better than the other one. So for a while I would go to both chatrooms, at the same time.
But the thing about all of this was I would see quarrels break out in the room (alanonchat) when someone from the "other" room would do or say something "wrong" and again I cant remember what the issues were. The issues were really not important to me at the time. All I knew was I hated the discord as it made me feel really awful and powerless. See I had people in both places that I loved to hear speak and who helped me. But in reality for me both rooms were just one place, and that place was called alanon.
The "fighting" nearly drove me away. It was causing me pain, and I have enought of that outside alanon.. I dont need anymore thank you. Especially from a place that is supposed to help me heal.
Eventually I began only entering alanonchat, because of the difficulty i was having keeping up with two chat screens at the same time. I wasnt able to "get" everything I could out of either. And eventually the fighting seemed to end.
I am so glad that you came back to MIP Kerry we need you here.
Your recent postings about meeting etiquette and the sharing of your experience has greatly helped me to clarify many questions I have long had. Thank you.
This chatroom is such a miraculous place to me. Nowhere else could I instantly talk to someone in the program at practically any hour of the day. And there have been many times when I have been unable to reach a person ftf when I REALLY needed some help. Here I have found it, always. Without fail. Thank God for this place.
We need to all keep ever in mind how much good this place can do. And lets keep our own ego's and opinions from altering this primary purpose of this place.
All of the "issues" of how the chatroom should be run are things that we can all work together on. And lets not let them distract us from our primary mission of healing ourselves and healing our fellow human beings.
Bless you all...and please, please, please.......Keep Coming Back!
Jeannie said
Mar 6, 2005
Kerry,
None of what any of us goes through is anything to make light of. We all have the right to feel safe, share and strive for serenity. I have always found the most meaningful and helpful Alanon phrase to be "take what you want and leave the rest."
You are important and so are your shares.
Love Jeannie
cdb said
Mar 6, 2005
Hello kerry,
I was not going to post since this type of situation hurt me recently, but after I read what David put, I had to just ditto everything he said. His experience was similiar to mine except I didn't see any conflict because I only popped into the other room a couple of times. When I chat in open chat and at the meetings I try my best to give all my attention. Of course this is not always possible when a person is in their home environment and that is why I try to put brb when I am not physically at the computer. I try to concentrate too in open chat when I am talking to people and the other night there were many people on the member list but only 3 newer ones chatting, including me. One new person kept saying, where is everyone at? I didn't have the heart to say,,,that there was another chatroom and people go there or have two screen boxes up and talk in one and were just watching the other,,,,which was just 3 of us chatting. I went into the other chatroom and there were the other names. Well,,that is what I thought. None of my business, maybe. But I felt so hurt about it. I was actually putting in alot of energy that I didnt mind with one person who was in crisis at the time but needed some old timers or someone else to give some kind input and show interest. Especially since thier names were listed. I guess I tend to feel emapthy for people and I felt bad for the 2 that had no idea where everyone was. I myself,,,,choose to be in one chatroom at a time or rather MIP. Others may be able to multi-task but for me, I sure could have used some support too from all those names on the member list. I do know a person that refuses to talk to me too and it has become quite childish for that person to not say anything to someone I am currently talking to and only talk with them only when I am not around. Just had to get that off my chest. None of my business right? Well it has become obvious to others now too. So thank you David for your honesty,,,, I am trying so hard to follow the 12 steps and to focus on me. Your friend in recovery,,cdb :)
debilyn said
Mar 6, 2005
Kerry I was sad when you left before. But I am very glad to see ya back!
I for one seem to never know what is going on in the back round. I seem to be focusing on my program, and focusing on sharing what I have learned.
Never have been into gossip or caring who liked who, who was being rude etc. All I care about is for this place to be a safe place to be, and that he main focus is alanon.
Having fun is a major part of our program here. But number one to me is sticking to the program of alanon skills. Getting alone with each other, to me is part of alanon. I learned I can only change me. That was major for me. Not that I wanted to change anyone else, but I got hurt a lot by others behavior. Now I just decide how I am going to deal with it or not. I choose how I am going to take it.
I cannot change anyone if they are rude or ignoring others. I can however think about what someone is saying, or just listen and add something from my experience.
Anyway i am glad you are back. love,debilyn
cabecka said
Mar 9, 2005
Kerry-
I am glad you're here! It's easy feel let down when negative things happen, even in a chat room. I find myself there sometimes too. I try to remind myself to take what I like and leave the rest. Then I remember all the lovely people I have had the priveledge to meet and enjoy visits with.
I was in mip in 2000 for two years. I left cause i was going through to much with a divorce at the time and i didnt know how to handle some things. I am a very intense person, i was angry at some people i thought that abandoned me. I was an op in Alanonchat, acoa chat, Alateen chat, and in the healing room. I also answered mip emails. I loved it all i loved that work and missed it. I remember when i was new there was a controversy with some members and me. There was controversy and People were trying to divide the room. That issue was handled after a while and it was ok. I thought about leaving many times because i was so into it i didnt know what to do. People were angry at me for not going there and people were angry at me for taking sides, but i was an op and did what i thought was the right thing to do. I do not regret it. I see now i have been back here for 4 months and the exact and i do mean exact thing is happening again. Alanon does not support division and it is not ok. It is also not ok to be in one room and talk about what is being said in another room. I guess there are people that do not like me but ive seen this. I am polite i dont care who likes me or not i say hi to all and whoever chooses to answer answers. I have been sharing alot lately about my mother and three times now i have found that it was tryed to be made less of my pain cause that person doesnt like me. But i am going to share anyway. I know someone is listening. I have the alanon program even tho it may not seem like it. I know that when someone is trying to make light of what i am sharing that even thouigh they make think they have this program down they still have alot to learn oldtimers included. when someone trys to lesson someone elses pain or trys to make them uncomfortable just because of the fact they dont like them that is not the alanon way. I dont think its ok to create division and controversy just cause someone doesnt get along i dont think its ok to not listen to someones pain and make light of it cause they dont think that person is worthy of attention. I dont think its ok if im sharing in one room to be asked to go to another. I think here we need to remember that this is alanon and in alanon we all share one common bond and that is we have been affected by alcohol that is the main purpose. The drama that i see and a very familiar drama that i was in years ago i am more mature now and will not participate in it. I use the room for my recovery and i do not care who likes my precence or not. Alanon is my program for me and thats what i believe alanon to be. Asking me to go to another room while im sharing in mip is not ok with me so please let the drama out of our room and lets all be a group. Cause thats what alanon is to me I love you all
kerry
Thank you for your post Kerry. I appreciate hearing what you had to say. Good reminders. At the first ftf I ever went to, we had these cards on the table which read "What you hear here, Who you see here, Let it remain here." These cards were a constant reminder to guard anonymity of all, and for me it also helped to remind me that I shouldn't be gossiping, talking about what others said or did. We also had the Al-Anon Spoken Here cards on the table. It is good to remind myself of this constantly. Too easy to fall back into old habits of getting into everyone else's business. I'm not perfect, but I do try to be aware of what I'm doing, and if I see myself doing that, I have to stop and remind myself again just why I am here at Al-Anon. As you said, I too am here for my recovery, it is my program too. Not only that, but it is a WE program, as you said we all share that common bond. I too get disturbed by the "drama" I see sometimes. I try to stay focused and not get involved in it. I try to remember we all come here because we were "sick" from the affects of living with alcoholism, and for each person, the time it takes for the lightbulb to come on is different. Ha, mine has come on and then gone off several times. LOL But I just keep plodding along and trying to flip that switch back to the "on" position. And thank you especially for the comments on each person's pain. A member told me way back when I first started "Never minimize your own pain." If someone thinks my pain is trivial, oh well, that is their opinion. I don't have to agree with it. Another thing I've heard in here "What others think of me is none of my business." I'll just keep plodding along and trying to do the best I can. Progress not perfection. Thanks ((((((((((Kerry))))))))))
Luv, Kis
Kerry,
I would just like to let you know that I have always enjoyed our visits and conversations that we have had. I am sory that these things are happening. I am not on chat all that often lately and reading about all of what is going on I am relieved that I am not on that much. I agree that everyone should be able to share and I am glad that you continue to share. I have learned that sharing helps me and when I do share I value the time given me.
Luv ya
JJ
Another beautifully written post Kerry. When I first started coming to MIP, about 6 months ago i found this wonderful sanctuary of a chatroom full of people who loved me and helped me from the word go. And within days I had found a new family.
But there was some power stuggle? or something that i started seeing when people would try to come into the room who had been banned. Wow! I didnt know what was going on. Someone finally told me there was another chat room and that it was "better" than alanonchat. I don't even remember what it was they told me anymore that made one better than the other one. So for a while I would go to both chatrooms, at the same time.
But the thing about all of this was I would see quarrels break out in the room (alanonchat) when someone from the "other" room would do or say something "wrong" and again I cant remember what the issues were. The issues were really not important to me at the time. All I knew was I hated the discord as it made me feel really awful and powerless. See I had people in both places that I loved to hear speak and who helped me. But in reality for me both rooms were just one place, and that place was called alanon.
The "fighting" nearly drove me away. It was causing me pain, and I have enought of that outside alanon.. I dont need anymore thank you. Especially from a place that is supposed to help me heal.
Eventually I began only entering alanonchat, because of the difficulty i was having keeping up with two chat screens at the same time. I wasnt able to "get" everything I could out of either. And eventually the fighting seemed to end.
I am so glad that you came back to MIP Kerry we need you here.
Your recent postings about meeting etiquette and the sharing of your experience has greatly helped me to clarify many questions I have long had. Thank you.
This chatroom is such a miraculous place to me. Nowhere else could I instantly talk to someone in the program at practically any hour of the day. And there have been many times when I have been unable to reach a person ftf when I REALLY needed some help. Here I have found it, always. Without fail. Thank God for this place.
We need to all keep ever in mind how much good this place can do. And lets keep our own ego's and opinions from altering this primary purpose of this place.
All of the "issues" of how the chatroom should be run are things that we can all work together on. And lets not let them distract us from our primary mission of healing ourselves and healing our fellow human beings.
Bless you all...and please, please, please.......Keep Coming Back!
Kerry,
None of what any of us goes through is anything to make light of. We all have the right to feel safe, share and strive for serenity. I have always found the most meaningful and helpful Alanon phrase to be "take what you want and leave the rest."
You are important and so are your shares.
Love Jeannie
Hello kerry,
I was not going to post since this type of situation hurt me recently, but after I read what David put, I had to just ditto everything he said. His experience was similiar to mine except I didn't see any conflict because I only popped into the other room a couple of times. When I chat in open chat and at the meetings I try my best to give all my attention. Of course this is not always possible when a person is in their home environment and that is why I try to put brb when I am not physically at the computer. I try to concentrate too in open chat when I am talking to people and the other night there were many people on the member list but only 3 newer ones chatting, including me. One new person kept saying, where is everyone at? I didn't have the heart to say,,,that there was another chatroom and people go there or have two screen boxes up and talk in one and were just watching the other,,,,which was just 3 of us chatting. I went into the other chatroom and there were the other names. Well,,that is what I thought. None of my business, maybe. But I felt so hurt about it. I was actually putting in alot of energy that I didnt mind with one person who was in crisis at the time but needed some old timers or someone else to give some kind input and show interest. Especially since thier names were listed. I guess I tend to feel emapthy for people and I felt bad for the 2 that had no idea where everyone was. I myself,,,,choose to be in one chatroom at a time or rather MIP. Others may be able to multi-task but for me, I sure could have used some support too from all those names on the member list. I do know a person that refuses to talk to me too and it has become quite childish for that person to not say anything to someone I am currently talking to and only talk with them only when I am not around. Just had to get that off my chest. None of my business right? Well it has become obvious to others now too. So thank you David for your honesty,,,, I am trying so hard to follow the 12 steps and to focus on me. Your friend in recovery,,cdb :)
Kerry-
I am glad you're here! It's easy feel let down when negative things happen, even in a chat room. I find myself there sometimes too. I try to remind myself to take what I like and leave the rest. Then I remember all the lovely people I have had the priveledge to meet and enjoy visits with.
Love ya, Kerry! (and I mean it!)