I see alot of posts lately about not feeling welcome in the chatroom or not getting support. And alot of people saying theres more joking than supporting. I too at times have felt unsupported in the chatroom but ive been here two years ago for two years and have come back i left for different reasons. Usually at night time in the chatroom is after the meeting and after sharing and listening, people need to have a little fun from it. There are people that support others and there are people that are quiet when someone is being supported new comers or not. The bottom line here is this is alanon we are sick people we ourselves have been affected by alcoholism and we are far from perfect people. In a regular meeting in person there is zero support like that in the group where you can just talk to a group for hours. It doesnt exist in person, usually people talk to thier sponser only in person. This chatroom is amazing and yes there are sometimes where new people dont feel supported. That is why alanon says try it out for three months then decide if you want to come back or not. I dont always feel supported and that is ok with me cause lately i have been talking alot about my mohter in the room and i know that i cant get support all of the time. Usually new people that come in are in a crisis and reached thier limit and get offended very easily. You have to remember here that we are not professionals and we are not perfect. We have trouble running our own lives. So if you feel like your not getting supported in the room maybe ask would itt be ok if i share? and someone will listen gauranteed. And most importantly to know that it is not personal and has nothing to do with you, if you need support ask and you shall recieve! Im a great listener and sometimes like to take my mind off my mom. So if your in the room and need someone to talk to if im there ill give it. And if im sharing about my mom ya can just shut me up and take me away i would be glad for it. Take care hope this helps you guys a little. I sure hope no one leaves for not feeling welcome i am more than sure it was not intentional. Some times there are alot of people in the room and everyone doesnt read every line that is said when it goes so fast so be persistant also

kerry

Absolutely beautifully said, Kerry!

Everything you said is right on the mark. 

Thank you for posting this, and I will see you in the chatroom my friend.  And Kerry, and to all who read this, if its just too darn busy in there and I cant speak to you or listen to you, always remember as i try to, it isnt personal.  I love everyone of you who are present in that chatroom in a very special way, a way that I know you all love me.

Bless you all, and please keep coming back.  We all need each other so much!

Yours in Recovery,

David

I agree with you, and it's nice to clear things up for people who just don't know!

Kerry,

YOU amaze me! You have such a big heart and such excellent points. If I am not in the room as much remember that I am still praying for you and thinking of you! So please keep us update here too about your mom! I will come here for the update. cdb

i feel that the alanon preamble explains alot of it so im going to post some phrases that covers the issue. And cdb i hope you do not leave the chatroom or spend less time in it. I know from experience that leaving alanon isnt a good thing. Seem to get lost more and i have regrets of i would be sso much more recovered and maybe spend the last 2 years healthy with my mom cause i would of been in alanon 4 years had i stayed instead i spent it yelling at her and i will regret it always .

The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and
friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength,
and hope, in order to solve their common problems.
.
We believe alcoholism is a family illness, and that changed
attitudes can aid recovery.  Al-Anon is not allied with any
sect, denomination, political entity, organization, or
institution; does not engage in any controversy, neither
endorses nor opposes any cause.
.
There are no dues for membership.  Al-Anon is
self-supporting through its own members voluntary
contributions.
.
Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.
.
We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps,
by welcoming and giving comfort to families of
alcoholics, and by giving understanding and
encouragement to the alcoholic.
.

We who live with the problem of alcoholism, understand
as perhaps few others can.  We, too, were lonely and
frustrated, but in Al-Anon we discovered that no situation
is really hopeless, and that it is possible for us to find
contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is
still drinking or not.
.
We urge you to try our program.  It will show you how to
find solutions that lead to serenity. 
.
So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to
place our problems in their true perspective, we find
they lose their power to dominate our thoughts
and our lives.
.
The Family situation is bound to improve as we apply
the Al-Anon ideas. Without such spiritual help, living
with an alcoholic is too much for most of us.

Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force
solutions and we become irritable and unreasonable
without knowing it.
.
The Al-Anon program is based on the Twelve Suggested
Steps of Alcoholics Annonymous, which we try, little
by little, one day at a time, to apply to our lives,
along with the our slogans and the Serenity Prayer.
The loving interchange thus makes us ready to receive
the priceless gift of serenity.
.
Regarding Alcoholism, Al-Anon's must learn the valubale
lesson of what we have come to call the "Three C's";
.
We didn't Cause it,
We cannot Cure it,
We cannot Control it.

Alanon closing

In closing, I would like to say that the opinions
expressed here were strictly those of the person
who gave them.
Take what you liked and leave the rest.
The things you heard were spoken in confidence and should
be treated as confidential.  Keep them within the walls of
this room and the confines of your mind.

.
A few special words to those of you who haven't been
with us long:  Whatever your problems, there are those
among us who have had them too.  If you try to keep an
open mind, you will find help.  You will come to realize
that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered
and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
.
We aren't perfect.  The welcome we give you may not show
the warmth we have in our hearts for you.  After a while,
you'll discover that though you may not like all of us,
you'll love us in a very special way - the same way we
already love you.
.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else,
but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another.
Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the
program grow in you one day at a time.

And here is the long version of the serenity prayer that i love.

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things

I cannot change, courage to change the things i can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Grant me patience with the things that take time

Appreciation of all that i have

Tolerance of those with different struggles

and the strength to get up and try again one day at a time.

Amen

Wow Kerry!

That sure spoke to me.....yep you are right. I hope to see you soon! And I see where staying away would be unhealthy for me since have not been going to f2f meetings lately. But I have been coming to 2 meetings a day here lately! lol :) Once my health is better, I can make it to some of my local meetings, but for now, I rely on this computer. cdb

When we feel we unsupported...could we be experiencing the symptoms of this disease?

1.  Victim

2.  Caretaker

3.  Controller

4.  Fixer

5.  Low self-esteem

When I feel alone or excluded...I need to redirect my focus to the steps and to look inside myself to determine what need I am "expecting" another to fill within me....and ask myself what "resentments" am I building because of those expectations.

"Expectations are resentments waiting to happen"

Hi Kerry

Thanks so much for post about chatroom and reiterating the al-anon preamble and closing, has brightened up my morning no-end.  Being new I must admit I have been a little confused over chat room but have found the more I visit the more I understand how it works - that it operates in subtle and mysterious ways, must be the HP huh.

((((()))))) Ava