So as I am walking down the road of self discovery i have gone back and taken a real look into the past trying to find out when I lost touch with ME. So i have summed it up to when I had my son, all of a sudden I was left out of the circle and what became our social life was now his and only his. Not that I had a problem but we were always together, me the responsible one of the two of us. At that point I became the adult instead of the fun seeking 22 year old and for him things stayed the same and just maybe the new found stress was an excuse for him to walk further down the road of alcoholism. My expectations then became one of him becoming a father and husband taking responsibility, I had to change so why not him?? The cycle of resentment, hurt, anger and lonliness began and so did my path to my illness began.
I found myself writing in my journal how i have never forced the solution of sobriety on my A but begged, pleeded, barganed for my A to leave the bar and come home to my son and myself I didn't care if he drank but just wanted him home so for him to have a few and come home was fine with me because he actually came home. I am finding that it was forcing a solution for him but myself instead. (does this make sence? not to me right now that is just how I am seeing it)
Any how I have found a level of detachment that I am comfortable with right now and discovering something new about not only me but my whole situation. I am happier, no expectation no disapointment but hang on another turn of events as I am putting the steps to work for me... are you ready.. He is comming home all of a sudden! WOW why? because I'm not nagging not so unhappy? I don't know. So here I am all ok he is out that is fine and I am doing more, doing things for me and here alot. Then he is invading the alone time I have doing my alanon stuff and at first I was anoid... Wasn't him being home my problem... YES! So him unexpected sober arrival shoud be a welcome supprise...YES LOL So I have to get used to expecting the unexpected and going with the flow and not be so structured be more out going and spontaious. It just threw me for a loop that I am feeling pretty great for the first time in such a long time and it has I guessed rubbed off maybe. This may all change next week I don't know. I will just let my HP look after it, what ever happens happens.
I am so greatful THANK YOU AL-ANON & my friends
JJ
kismetstrand said
Mar 4, 2005
JJ, I just smiled and smiled reading your post. Took me back to when I started using the tools of the program, smiling at my hubby instead of nagging/being mad at him, and how he began responding back with love too. I just love to read about how this has worked for others! Having walked in those same steps, finding me again, finding a new perspective, seeing how my homelife changed for the better. It is just SO great to see it happening with others!! I LOVE this program! Thanks for posting!!
Luv, Kis
cdb said
Mar 4, 2005
Hello JJ,
This to me sounds like a miracle in progress! It shows how focusing on us and doing our thing that we like will bring about change in the poeple around us when we least expect it. IN fact, you did it and so should I to not expect anything but taking care of ourelves! Thanks so much for sharing this with me earier in chat too. You seemd like a brick wall had been lifted off your shoulders! I sure could have used this skill when I was your age with young kids. I remember driving to the softball when my kids were young several times telling my husband to come home. Well he just did what he wanted due to the excessive drinking. I would go home and feel very sad and be very productive and even cry. How I wish now I could turn back the clock but like I shared with you tonite, some of my dreams with my relationship with hubby, me & kids has recently come true. cdb
babs said
Mar 4, 2005
glad that you found some happiness in the moment!
jj said
Mar 4, 2005
Thanks (((kis))) (((cdb))) (((babs)))
cdb I wasn't quite sure how to explain the feeling and you put it exactly how it felt like the brick wall has been lifted. Thanks that helps expain it.
So as I am walking down the road of self discovery i have gone back and taken a real look into the past trying to find out when I lost touch with ME. So i have summed it up to when I had my son, all of a sudden I was left out of the circle and what became our social life was now his and only his. Not that I had a problem but we were always together, me the responsible one of the two of us. At that point I became the adult instead of the fun seeking 22 year old and for him things stayed the same and just maybe the new found stress was an excuse for him to walk further down the road of alcoholism. My expectations then became one of him becoming a father and husband taking responsibility, I had to change so why not him?? The cycle of resentment, hurt, anger and lonliness began and so did my path to my illness began.
I found myself writing in my journal how i have never forced the solution of sobriety on my A but begged, pleeded, barganed for my A to leave the bar and come home to my son and myself I didn't care if he drank but just wanted him home so for him to have a few and come home was fine with me because he actually came home. I am finding that it was forcing a solution for him but myself instead. (does this make sence? not to me right now that is just how I am seeing it)
Any how I have found a level of detachment that I am comfortable with right now and discovering something new about not only me but my whole situation. I am happier, no expectation no disapointment but hang on another turn of events as I am putting the steps to work for me... are you ready.. He is comming home all of a sudden! WOW why? because I'm not nagging not so unhappy? I don't know. So here I am all ok he is out that is fine and I am doing more, doing things for me and here alot. Then he is invading the alone time I have doing my alanon stuff and at first I was anoid... Wasn't him being home my problem... YES! So him unexpected sober arrival shoud be a welcome supprise...YES LOL So I have to get used to expecting the unexpected and going with the flow and not be so structured be more out going and spontaious. It just threw me for a loop that I am feeling pretty great for the first time in such a long time and it has I guessed rubbed off maybe. This may all change next week I don't know. I will just let my HP look after it, what ever happens happens.
I am so greatful THANK YOU AL-ANON & my friends
JJ
JJ, I just smiled and smiled reading your post. Took me back to when I started using the tools of the program, smiling at my hubby instead of nagging/being mad at him, and how he began responding back with love too. I just love to read about how this has worked for others! Having walked in those same steps, finding me again, finding a new perspective, seeing how my homelife changed for the better. It is just SO great to see it happening with others!! I LOVE this program! Thanks for posting!!
Luv, Kis
Hello JJ,
This to me sounds like a miracle in progress! It shows how focusing on us and doing our thing that we like will bring about change in the poeple around us when we least expect it. IN fact, you did it and so should I to not expect anything but taking care of ourelves! Thanks so much for sharing this with me earier in chat too. You seemd like a brick wall had been lifted off your shoulders! I sure could have used this skill when I was your age with young kids. I remember driving to the softball when my kids were young several times telling my husband to come home. Well he just did what he wanted due to the excessive drinking. I would go home and feel very sad and be very productive and even cry. How I wish now I could turn back the clock but like I shared with you tonite, some of my dreams with my relationship with hubby, me & kids has recently come true. cdb
Thanks (((kis))) (((cdb))) (((babs)))
cdb I wasn't quite sure how to explain the feeling and you put it exactly how it felt like the brick wall has been lifted. Thanks that helps expain it.
JJ