There have been several times when I have found myself getting annoyed by something someone might have said, or being drawn into a difference that two (or more) people are having amongst themself. I realized the other day that I was doing the same thing I did with my sister and my mom, trying to be the "peacemaker" between the two of them. The reality of that situation, was that their relationship was none of my business.
Al-Anon has taught me to focus on myself, to take my own inventory.
It has taught me that I should not be focusing on what others are or are not doing and taking their inventory.
For me, this principle of the program applies both outside the Al-Anon program (in my family, work, community) and inside the Al-Anon program (message boards, face to face meetings, chatroom). My part is to focus on ME...am I doing my part of the program? Am I busy working my steps, sharing with others, listening and learning? Or am I busy looking at what everyone else is doing or not doing and pointing my finger at them? Course when I point my finger, I have those other 3 fingers pointing right back at me! I would rather keep my focus where it belongs, and that is on me, so that I may do the right thing and grow in the program and be able to share what I learn. I don't want to slide back into that old habit of trying to be the "peacemaker" in something that is really none of my business. I want to hold on to that slogan Live and Let Live. I want to be able to remember that I don't know it all, that I can't control it all, that I have sooooooooo much more yet to learn. It keeps me humble.
Thanks for listening.
Luv, Kis
Mark S said
Mar 3, 2005
Kis,
I dont what I'm doin up so late, but I saw your post just prior to shut down. It is not that I haven't heard it before...cause I have. It is somthing that I think is very important for me to remember whether home, work, alanon meeting or on this board or site. If I'm busy taking anothers inventory then I really am not focused on me am I. can't say that it hasn't happened cause it has. Now off to bed for me.thanks for the very very important reminder.
Keep your face to the sun
Mark S
cdb said
Mar 3, 2005
Hello Kis,
YOU have such ESH and yet you know that you are only human too. That is so healthy that you caught that old role in yourself and can identify it. The role I played in the situation is a new one for me because I use to be the family fixer all my life and now I am learning to take care of me. After joking around like the room was doing at the time, a person's feelings must have been hurt because some offensive words popped up on the screen at me. I said right away that I did not mean to say anything to be hurtful and I am sorry and I am a person that believes in making amends. All I can do now is let it go since the person did not comment when I offered any of those options. I still am friendly to that one person by complimenting them when they truly have helped me with some new informtion and thanking them for sharing it. I am treating the person as I treat anyone. I do not have control over whether they say thank you back , acknowledge that I gave a compliment or even say hi or bye in the room. This has nothing to do with me but them and will not hurt my happines. I will just continue to be the same person as I always am. If what I say comes out in a hurtful way I will offer amends like I did and if the person does not acknowldege or answer then there is nothing more HP can have me do. All I am trying to do is live an alanon/spiritual life and be kind to all. cdb
wille said
Mar 3, 2005
Woo
Great insight Kis,
Thank you.
Regards,
\/\/ille
shimo said
Mar 3, 2005
Hi Kis,
Thank you so much for the reminder to always keep the focus on myself and not get over into another's business. I noticed myself, in the last couple of days, getting over into what is not my business in my home and I do not like it when I do that...sometimes it is so easy to slip back into old habits. What I really like is that, since Al-Anon, I do not stay over in those old modes a long time...self-awareness is a wonderful trait. I, like you, use the program in all aspects of my life.
Since coming to Al-Anon I do not have the need to try to fix everything and everybody. What relief!! Also, I am very grateful to learn that I only need to own what is mine (my responsibility) and not what belongs to someone else whomever that may be that crosses my path. I am so grateful to Al-Anon for all I have learned and my plan is to keep on learning until I breath my last breath.
Love in recovery - Jeri (Shimo)
richard said
Mar 4, 2005
It is a practical thing for me not to take others' inventory because if I can see something in another that needs fixing, then I know that I can only see it because it is in me also and work is against my religion .
There have been several times when I have found myself getting annoyed by something someone might have said, or being drawn into a difference that two (or more) people are having amongst themself. I realized the other day that I was doing the same thing I did with my sister and my mom, trying to be the "peacemaker" between the two of them. The reality of that situation, was that their relationship was none of my business.
Al-Anon has taught me to focus on myself, to take my own inventory.
It has taught me that I should not be focusing on what others are or are not doing and taking their inventory.
For me, this principle of the program applies both outside the Al-Anon program (in my family, work, community) and inside the Al-Anon program (message boards, face to face meetings, chatroom). My part is to focus on ME...am I doing my part of the program? Am I busy working my steps, sharing with others, listening and learning? Or am I busy looking at what everyone else is doing or not doing and pointing my finger at them? Course when I point my finger, I have those other 3 fingers pointing right back at me! I would rather keep my focus where it belongs, and that is on me, so that I may do the right thing and grow in the program and be able to share what I learn. I don't want to slide back into that old habit of trying to be the "peacemaker" in something that is really none of my business. I want to hold on to that slogan Live and Let Live. I want to be able to remember that I don't know it all, that I can't control it all, that I have sooooooooo much more yet to learn. It keeps me humble.
Thanks for listening.
Luv, Kis
Hello Kis,
YOU have such ESH and yet you know that you are only human too. That is so healthy that you caught that old role in yourself and can identify it. The role I played in the situation is a new one for me because I use to be the family fixer all my life and now I am learning to take care of me. After joking around like the room was doing at the time, a person's feelings must have been hurt because some offensive words popped up on the screen at me. I said right away that I did not mean to say anything to be hurtful and I am sorry and I am a person that believes in making amends. All I can do now is let it go since the person did not comment when I offered any of those options. I still am friendly to that one person by complimenting them when they truly have helped me with some new informtion and thanking them for sharing it. I am treating the person as I treat anyone. I do not have control over whether they say thank you back , acknowledge that I gave a compliment or even say hi or bye in the room. This has nothing to do with me but them and will not hurt my happines. I will just continue to be the same person as I always am. If what I say comes out in a hurtful way I will offer amends like I did and if the person does not acknowldege or answer then there is nothing more HP can have me do. All I am trying to do is live an alanon/spiritual life and be kind to all. cdb
Hi Kis,
Thank you so much for the reminder to always keep the focus on myself and not get over into another's business. I noticed myself, in the last couple of days, getting over into what is not my business in my home and I do not like it when I do that...sometimes it is so easy to slip back into old habits. What I really like is that, since Al-Anon, I do not stay over in those old modes a long time...self-awareness is a wonderful trait. I, like you, use the program in all aspects of my life.
Since coming to Al-Anon I do not have the need to try to fix everything and everybody. What relief!! Also, I am very grateful to learn that I only need to own what is mine (my responsibility) and not what belongs to someone else whomever that may be that crosses my path. I am so grateful to Al-Anon for all I have learned and my plan is to keep on learning until I breath my last breath.
Love in recovery - Jeri (Shimo)
It is a practical thing for me not to take others' inventory because if I can see something in another that needs fixing, then I know that I can only see it because it is in me also and work is against my religion
.
Hugs & Luv,
-- Edited by richard at 05:06, 2005-03-04