Hello all, I've been reading your posts and Im very sorry that we are all in such an unfortunate situation. From what I am reading, I have to ask, is it true that Im just suppose to enable this behavior of my "a"??? I do realize that its not me, I do realize that I cant control it, but its very degrading allowing some one who you care about, ruin their life, and create conflict. I guess its very difficult for me, as my A will not admit there is a problem, but when something bad happens the blame is on alcohol. Just need some advise, I feel like Im on a merry go round. thanks to all who do respond.
megan said
Mar 1, 2005
Hello and welcome.
Alanon explicitly teaches us not to enable. Do not buy the booze, do not make excuses for the alcoholic to his job etc. There are many many ways we unwittingly enable our alcoholic.
I try to remember that my A has a disease called alcoholism. I look at him as though he has cancer or diabetes. I ignore him. I do not argue with him when he drinks, there is no use as he will not remember it any way and I will get upset
I cannot control another human being. I can control myself and my behaviour. I work to stop getting caught up in what my A (alcoholic) is doing and WORK on MYSELF. I have many things to work on.
I suggest that you attend a face to face alanon meeting. Then you will come to understand the message.
Welcome
socalmom said
Mar 1, 2005
Hi cant stand it,
Welcome to this board! You'll find many wonderful, caring and knowledgeable people here.
Today, after working a strong Alanon program for over two years, I can honestly say I am grateful to have my husband in my life. Yes, life has been tough for most of our 15 year relationship. But, I truely believe that being part of an alcoholic environment has forced me to deal with my own personal issues that I might not have otherwise. If it wasn't for my husband I might not have found Alanon. Alanon has taught me how to life a full, peaceful and hopeful life, no matter what's going on, and I find that I use all of the tools and principles in all of my relationships.
I was on the merry-go-round for many years. Some days, I still feel like I'm on one, only now I recognize it and have the ability to get off! Alanon has taught me the difference between compassion and enabling, how to set appropriate boundaries to protect myself and how to lovingly step out of the way so my husband can accept the consequences of his own actions.
My husband doesn't live at home right now because of his volatile behavior. I have two young children and for me, enough was enough. We are legally separated and there is always hope that we can reconcile in the future. But, for now, I'm very happy with my life and look forward to what each day brings.
Keep coming back and post often. Go to as many face2face meetings as you can. You have the answers you're looking for within yourself. Alanon will help show you the way.
Peace,
Jane
wallsal55 said
Mar 1, 2005
Hi, welcome! Hope you get to some local alanon meetings or already are. Yes, you are on a merry go round! There is a pamplet available at alanon called Merry Go Round Named Denial. or www.bendfeldt.com/alcholism.htm Newcomer packets also have information on detachment that is very helpful so that we do not continue to enable the alcoholic. www.coping.org/control/detach.htm
Alanon helps slow that merry go round down! Also, helps us decide if we want off or if we choose to stay. We learn we have choices in Alanon...they do not have to be made in haste, but with thoughtful consideration. Keep Coming Back!
Hello all, I've been reading your posts and Im very sorry that we are all in such an unfortunate situation. From what I am reading, I have to ask, is it true that Im just suppose to enable this behavior of my "a"??? I do realize that its not me, I do realize that I cant control it, but its very degrading allowing some one who you care about, ruin their life, and create conflict. I guess its very difficult for me, as my A will not admit there is a problem, but when something bad happens the blame is on alcohol. Just need some advise, I feel like Im on a merry go round. thanks to all who do respond.
Hello and welcome.
Alanon explicitly teaches us not to enable. Do not buy the booze, do not make excuses for the alcoholic to his job etc. There are many many ways we unwittingly enable our alcoholic.
I try to remember that my A has a disease called alcoholism. I look at him as though he has cancer or diabetes. I ignore him. I do not argue with him when he drinks, there is no use as he will not remember it any way and I will get upset
I cannot control another human being. I can control myself and my behaviour. I work to stop getting caught up in what my A (alcoholic) is doing and WORK on MYSELF. I have many things to work on.
I suggest that you attend a face to face alanon meeting. Then you will come to understand the message.
Welcome
Hi cant stand it,
Welcome to this board! You'll find many wonderful, caring and knowledgeable people here.
Today, after working a strong Alanon program for over two years, I can honestly say I am grateful to have my husband in my life. Yes, life has been tough for most of our 15 year relationship. But, I truely believe that being part of an alcoholic environment has forced me to deal with my own personal issues that I might not have otherwise. If it wasn't for my husband I might not have found Alanon. Alanon has taught me how to life a full, peaceful and hopeful life, no matter what's going on, and I find that I use all of the tools and principles in all of my relationships.
I was on the merry-go-round for many years. Some days, I still feel like I'm on one, only now I recognize it and have the ability to get off! Alanon has taught me the difference between compassion and enabling, how to set appropriate boundaries to protect myself and how to lovingly step out of the way so my husband can accept the consequences of his own actions.
My husband doesn't live at home right now because of his volatile behavior. I have two young children and for me, enough was enough. We are legally separated and there is always hope that we can reconcile in the future. But, for now, I'm very happy with my life and look forward to what each day brings.
Keep coming back and post often. Go to as many face2face meetings as you can. You have the answers you're looking for within yourself. Alanon will help show you the way.
Peace,
Jane
Hi, welcome! Hope you get to some local alanon meetings or already are. Yes, you are on a merry go round! There is a pamplet available at alanon called Merry Go Round Named Denial. or www.bendfeldt.com/alcholism.htm Newcomer packets also have information on detachment that is very helpful so that we do not continue to enable the alcoholic. www.coping.org/control/detach.htm
Alanon helps slow that merry go round down! Also, helps us decide if we want off or if we choose to stay. We learn we have choices in Alanon...they do not have to be made in haste, but with thoughtful consideration.
Keep Coming Back! 