At first thru my journey, I was lost, blinded, thought I was crazy, couldn't barely get thru the day. It was though I was floundering thru my house, unable to see. Just bumping into things, never paying attention to where I was, or was headed. I couldn't see in front of me.
After finding al anon, I realized the reason I couldn't see was because my eyes were closed. I have opened them. I can now see my house, (what a mess I've left) but at least I can see. I now know where I've been. I know the direction I should head in. I'm not saying it's any easier, just clearer.
My biggest realization was that my Hub (a) has a disease he can't control, nor cure, it is not his choice. However, I on the other hand, do have a choice!
Thanks to all for being there.......just listening.......or if you have responded. Have a good day today!
cdb said
Mar 1, 2005
babs,
I read your posts but don't always reply so keep on posting. I am so happy to hear your eyes are open now! You have been learning so much and have made such progress since you first posted. My house is a mess now too since daughter is in treatment. The housework will get done and back to some order soon. I need to get myself back to a sense of order and comfort first. It sounds like your bruises will be going away now that you aren't bumping into so many walls...lol Keep up the good work! cdb
kismetstrand said
Mar 1, 2005
Hi Babs,
I really like your analogy of how not being able to "see" my actions is like being "blind" in my home, how not being able to "see" what I did (or didn't do) created a "messy" house. How very true that is! I may have physically cleaned my home during that time, but my life, my children's life, and my A's life were in a mess! I could not "see" how my own actions were contributing to the utter chaos around us. I knew there was a problem, but I blamed it all on the A, never looking at what MY part was. Thankfully Alanon helped open my eyes and showed me how to focus on MY part. I know now if I keep my focus on me and what I can change (me, not others) that my life and the life of those here in my home is not as chaotic as it used to be. No more do I nag my adult children and try to control them, I've learned that they must be allowed to make their own decisions and live the consequences/rewards of those decisions. I can offer my opinion/advice when asked, but I've learned that trying to force that on them just pushes them further away. I had to learn to Let Go, Let G-d and get myself out of the way of His will! I look to the example of my own mother - she may not have liked my decisions, some of them broke her heart for the pain I went thru with them, but she allowed me the dignity of living my own life and learning from my choices, and was always there for me when I needed to talk, being supportive and non-judgmental. She didn't try to control me or my actions, and now being a mom myself I can sure appreciate how hard that was for her. Perhaps she is the reason I found it so comfortable to begin applying the Alanon principles in my life, as those are the same principles she'd been trying to teach me all along. Thanks so much for your post!
Luv, Kis
Ava said
Mar 2, 2005
Thanks babs
That post also reminded me of the hymn Amazing Grace, i was blind but now I see...
Do you know that song by Van Morrison? Its my favourite this week -lyrics go 'From the dark end of the street...... to the brightside of the road' tune is great to.
It doesn't have to be dark does it? Al anon helps us to see the bright side of the road.
To all:
At first thru my journey, I was lost, blinded, thought I was crazy, couldn't barely get thru the day. It was though I was floundering thru my house, unable to see. Just bumping into things, never paying attention to where I was, or was headed. I couldn't see in front of me.
After finding al anon, I realized the reason I couldn't see was because my eyes were closed. I have opened them. I can now see my house, (what a mess I've left) but at least I can see. I now know where I've been. I know the direction I should head in. I'm not saying it's any easier, just clearer.
My biggest realization was that my Hub (a) has a disease he can't control, nor cure, it is not his choice. However, I on the other hand, do have a choice!
Thanks to all for being there.......just listening.......or if you have responded. Have a good day today!
babs,
I read your posts but don't always reply so keep on posting. I am so happy to hear your eyes are open now! You have been learning so much and have made such progress since you first posted. My house is a mess now too since daughter is in treatment. The housework will get done and back to some order soon. I need to get myself back to a sense of order and comfort first. It sounds like your bruises will be going away now that you aren't bumping into so many walls...lol Keep up the good work! cdb
Hi Babs,
I really like your analogy of how not being able to "see" my actions is like being "blind" in my home, how not being able to "see" what I did (or didn't do) created a "messy" house. How very true that is! I may have physically cleaned my home during that time, but my life, my children's life, and my A's life were in a mess! I could not "see" how my own actions were contributing to the utter chaos around us. I knew there was a problem, but I blamed it all on the A, never looking at what MY part was. Thankfully Alanon helped open my eyes and showed me how to focus on MY part. I know now if I keep my focus on me and what I can change (me, not others) that my life and the life of those here in my home is not as chaotic as it used to be. No more do I nag my adult children and try to control them, I've learned that they must be allowed to make their own decisions and live the consequences/rewards of those decisions. I can offer my opinion/advice when asked, but I've learned that trying to force that on them just pushes them further away. I had to learn to Let Go, Let G-d and get myself out of the way of His will! I look to the example of my own mother - she may not have liked my decisions, some of them broke her heart for the pain I went thru with them, but she allowed me the dignity of living my own life and learning from my choices, and was always there for me when I needed to talk, being supportive and non-judgmental. She didn't try to control me or my actions, and now being a mom myself I can sure appreciate how hard that was for her. Perhaps she is the reason I found it so comfortable to begin applying the Alanon principles in my life, as those are the same principles she'd been trying to teach me all along. Thanks so much for your post!
Luv, Kis
Thanks babs
That post also reminded me of the hymn Amazing Grace, i was blind but now I see...
Do you know that song by Van Morrison? Its my favourite this week -lyrics go 'From the dark end of the street...... to the brightside of the road' tune is great to.
It doesn't have to be dark does it? Al anon helps us to see the bright side of the road.
Many Thanks
Ava