Your replies helped me very much. 

I'm feeling better this morning.  I finally got a good night's sleep with the help of a sleeping pill.  I'm getting back into my work routine again which stablizes me.  My HP is relieving me of my excessive worries again now too. 

It seems every drinking episode for me (big or small) I have to relearn all the old lessons again & it coincides with the episode.  Last week I drank every night (happy hour at the hotel) & more, so I was expecting it would take longer this time.

Why do I do this to myself?  I'm happy we got along but not the cost of my sobriety & sanity. 

Just talked to my A on the phone & told him I accept the situation & we'll take it as it goes--one day at a time.  He'll move to about 6 hours north of me so it's not very close.  I can still stay sane & sober in that situation--the visits with him won't be longer than a few days & I can cope with his behaviours, with help of my HP.

Thanks again for being here---off to work i go.

Love you guys,

catherine

Hello catherine,

Thanks for keeping us updated. I just attended my 20 year old daughter's treatment program family meeting and the subject of the if you can't beat them join them came up. The only way she could cope with her own sobriety was to cut all ties with him. It didn't happen quickly though. Her sobriety is so important to her now and she is focusing on her life in a better clean and sober way.

It is great that you are working the program and seeing what you need to do for you! Keep up the good work. :) cdb