I recently told my husband that I wanted him to stop smoking pot or I would get a divorce.  We have a 17 month old son and I don't want the drugs around him...  Shouldn't my husband want our son to be drug free?  I feel that if he cares about right and wrong he would stop but he is very stubborn.  Does anyone have any advice?

Orchid, I can't give you any advice, but when I had my first son, and my A was drinking, I asked him to stop because my son was getting to the point that I felt his drinking would affect him.  Had he not stopped, I probably would not have stayed w him.  He started drinking again when my son was around 20 (my youngest 17) and has continued to this point.  I believe that my children should come above all else when it comes to their well being.

You know what is best for your child and for you.  Take care of both of you.  Begin making plans to take care of your child and you and stay close to your HP. 

If you are not happy w your husband's choices, be as honest w him as you can.  Say what you mean but don't say it mean.  (Easier said than done.) Keep coming back and posting.  We will share our experiences w you.  Love and prayers to you.  Annie

I too believe in say what you mean & mean what you say, but that doesn't mean you always have to say something.  If you're not sure of what you mean, don't say it, search till you know what you mean is what you can follow thru with.

Orchid, this is a hard one. For me, I was a very protective mother. I did not allow anyone to even cuss around my childrent. They are the most precious creatures in the world to me. They still are and my son is 28, my daughter 29. I know children look up to their parents, they do even when they are teens. They don't show it but they do. I had to put up the boundaries for my kids, and stick to that. I felt children are in such a hard, world and needed me to be strong so they felt as secure as they could. No way would "anyone" do anything illegal in front of them, if I allowed that I feel I would be condoning that behavior. Plus I know second any kind of smoke affects others. Even if they do it away from them, it is on their cloths in their hair etc. I wanted my kids to be in a world that was as healthy as possible. I could not bare the thought I would not provide a good enviro and they would be messed up!! My son went sour awhile but sent his butt to survival school. He is now a scuba diver, hiker, biologist type, and a great contractor. He is a kick to do things with and helps me on my farm. My daughter has her five year bachelors of fine arts degree and is commisioned to design and make wedding rings, she also makes her own unique jewelry, um she is a head baker in a fancy bakery that provides those fancy desserts for fancy restaurants....and she laughs all the time and is a joy! I guess what i am saying hon is ya get out what you put in. It starts the moment that precious baby starts growing in your body. I felt that way. I would not even take an aspirin!! Addicts put their addiction first period. We can only control ourselves. My choice was my kids and I do not regret it. They are still with me, the A is not. He is controlled by his disease. Much love to you, welcome. love,debilyn

this i know about. My H smokes pot too. has since he was about 15 (he's 46 now) we have a 12 y/o and a 8y/o. he doesn't do it in front of them.but he continues. when we married, he said that i could never ask him to quit. love me, love my bong. I thought I was "cool" with it. I thought it was no worse than someone having a drink or 2 after work (like my parents did)

Here's the problem. It affects his mood. He is irritable if not stoned, and zoned out if he is. Nice. the kids don't get why dad is cranky and sometimes smells a little funny.(he goes out to the garage to smoke these days) And when he feels really unhappy, he has started to binge drink (although he has never been much of a drinker--thc is drug of choice). He's in counselling currently but is still dabbling.

I'm not telling you this story to scare you or even predict your fate. I just never expected the situation to escalate from where we started, but it has. I wish I had not been in denial of the ramifications of living with a chronic substance abuser. I've lost a lot of love and respect for him over the time--not to mention the wasted $, feelings of loneliness within a marriage, fear of anyone finding out