Hi,  I am new on this board... My 21 year old son is really messed up..He lost his job ---had to move back home with my husband and I... We have had to pay over $800.  for electricity water, phone,that he owed when living in town...He has no income! The last straw was a $450 fine from the court... Just says liquor... Noah (son) would not say what it was for.  My husband blew up, I totally last my cool and screemed..Noah just stood there emotionless..He packed a bag and was going to walk into town ... I went after him in the car and told him to get in.. and he said  "mum I am not addicted to alcohol but I am addicted to drugs...it is really bad  mum and I need help."  I am only heard the tip of the iceburg ....but you name he has probably tried it.... Brought him back home, called the addition center . Got a Person  (surprize) and they said they just had one bed open..He was admitted into Detox yesterday at 2:00 ... they can't force him to be there and he could walk out anytime... He is only there for 4 days... then it is day support..He does drink!!!!   I am so scared when he comes home...I love this child but I am so hurt...and lost trust in him..   I will be going for support to Al anon Mon. hopefully and see a councellor on Tue.. I did have a short chat with some of the workers there...Not sure if my husband will go for help..

We are  going to visit Noah for a bit this aft.. I have worried myself sick..I am a Christian...Noah has had the back ground but totally no connection to or Lord and Savour.. I know  what the Bible says about worry and that need to trust God in this...but that is easier said then done...

I am not sure is the right forum to be in??????? Let me know..Please

Thanks

~~ Pam~~

Hi lala:

Yes, you are in the right forum.  We also have Al-Anon meetings here on line every morning and evening.  The times are 9:00 a.m. EST and 9:00 p.m. EST on Mondays to Fridays and 10:00 a.m. EST on Saturday & Sunday mornings.  Sunday evening time is 7:00 p.m. EST.

I can only imagine the turmoil you must being going thru as I am a mother myself.  It is good you are going to the Monday Al-Anon meeting as there is lots of support there.  It is also good that you are going to see a counsellor on Tuesday.  I do not know if you are aware of the 3 c's of Al-Anon...I did not cause it...I cannot cure it...I cannot control it.  It is so important that you understand these 3 c's. 

It is also good that you were able to get your son to agree to go into Detox and you are right they cannot force him to stay there.  You have done all you can for right now and the next best thing is for you to take good care of yourself.  In Al-Anon it is suggested we keep the focus on ourselves which aids us in our recovery from the effects that another's use of alcohol or drugs has on us. 

Please keep posting here, lala, and do try to attend our on-line meetings as there is a lot of experience, strength, hope and love shared in these on-line meetings, as well as attend face-to-face meetings.  It does get better as we learn to use the tools of the Al-Anon program; it has helped many of us to find serenity for ourselves whether the addicted person is still using or not.  Recovery is a process, both for us who have been affected by alcohol/drugs and for those who seek recovery from addictions. 

I, like you, lala am a Christian and I know what the Bible tells me.  I found I could not deal with alcoholism/drug addiction on my own.  I had to learn from others before me what the Al-Anon program teaches about the disease of alcoholism/drug addiction and as I worked the program, little by little, I began to find serenity.  I live with active alcoholism and for me the Al-Anon program has been a lifesaver for me.  When I came into Al-Anon I doubted my own sanity.  I have learned alot about myself and also about addictions.

Please keep posting here.  Sometimes it helps us just to vent what we are feeling.  You will find the people here are genuine, honest and will show lots of love and support.  It is the same way in the on-line meetings.  Keep coming back!!

Love & hugs to you lala

Shimo (Jeri)

Hello,

I do not have a son, but my brother was addicted to drugs and I see the same pattern with your son as I did with my brother. First off, don't go visit him this afternoon please! I know you want to as my mother wanted to see Jimmy, but it will only hurt your son and yourself. Your husband might seem cold towards your son, but he is only emotionally detaching himself from Noah and that is natural. Don't become the enabler to your son. My mother was the first to rescue Jimmy when my father kicked him out.

My father admitted Jimmy to 4 different programs and paid for it. It was when Jimmy took it into his own hands did it work for him for a few years. He got in touch with the Salvation Army and went to a halfway house and stayed there for 6-9 months and then went on his own with some roommates. Then he moved in with me in NC and he became addicted again and I had to do some tough love and kicked him out.

I am happy to say that Jimmy has been drug free for 5 years and he attends NA meetings 3 times a week and hangs out only with other NA's and they watch each other. He said not a day goes by that his body doesn't crave the drugs, but he knows with God's help, book and support he won't use.

Noah needs to stop drinking also because alcohol will make him weak and he will use again or that's what my brother said.

I will pray for you and your son. You are on a long journey now, but with support from us here and from a face-to-face Al-Anon will help you. I have only started with Al-Anon but it has helped. My husband is an alcoholic.

I pray strength and courage to you now and always. You are loeved here.

Debbie

Hello Pam,

If you click search and then put cdb in the search above where it says main page,,etc. you will see we have similiar stories. My daughter is 20 and will be 21 in June. A year ago she asked us or begged us for help too! That was after she had been taken to jail for the night for minor in consumption, disorderly conduct etc. while at college. We also payed alot of her bills. Our daughter went into an oupatient treatment program and thankfully she was still on our blue cross insurance and still is until 22.  The night before the family meeting there I was praying that my daughter had not done "meth" cause I didn't think I could emotionally handle it if she had.  Well, when they had her admit to what she had done over the years......I was shocked! I am still shocked but I have put it into a different perspective now.  My lovely, girl scout, sports tallented, church confirmed, daughter had done everything BUT heroine and never used any needles! IT is still hard to see this in black and white. 

I can sort of feel what you are going through now. Thank God your son has reached out for help from you and is willing to get help now.  He needs his family now more than ever. The peer group will be a challenge for him but the treatment program should help him with this.  My husband still has not been to an alanon meeting but did attend all the weekly parent meetings while she was in treatment last year.  My husband will listen to what I have to say about alanon and will listen to what others have told me but he has yet to pick up any of the alanon books I have lying out. 

Gosh, I wish I could make this all better for you. Just know I feel you are in a good place now with your son reaching out for help! Many people with drug/alcohol addictions are not as courageous as your son and know when to get the help they need to.  Please keep us updated and I will say prayers for you and your family. cdb

Thanks so much for your support.. we did go see him today but only for a few min.. He was tired , not used to getting up a 7  and then his supper came so we let him go eat..He says tomorrow will not be a good day and told us not to come visit  but I told him to call us anytime... He wants some more clothes..The washing machine there is broken... He is scared about coming home in 4 days.. and I agree 4 days does not seem long enough...Noah does not drive so we have to transport him... he will come home to a safe environment but there is not much to do here.. and all his friends are users..but they live in town... so going to try to keep him from going to town but that is not going to be easy.  He has a stereo. gamecube , computer but there is going to have to be rules..and his sleeping habits will need to change..and he may have to sell some stuff to cover the fine...He goes to court on the 17 or March..

What do we do if he does not want to follow house rules???? What if he messes up, I am so scared for him..all the what ifs...I have literally worried myself sick..I try to let these cares go but I keep taking it all back...

Thanks for the 3c's--- I was given so much literature that I have not read it all...

I  use 2 message boards now.. I have IBS and IC (which is a bladder disease) so spend alot of time on those boards....I am not sure how well I could keep up in a chat room.. but might try it..not tonight.. I am so tired..

Thanks again and don't worry I will be back...I have dial up -- grrrrr so that can be a bit of a pain..

~~Pam~~

Hello lalarainbow,

Thanks for the speedy reply! I tend to worry about people here and always wonder how things went. I am wondering if your town has AA or NA meetings for your son to go to every day or night. That would be a big help for him and he could meet other people there. Keep us posted. cdb

Hi,

There is only AA twice a month.. and NA once a week but it is further away...There will be councilling at the hospital...and think that may be 3 times a week for awhile....I am sure when they let him go they will give us all the details..zI am off to Bible study this morn..

Thanks

~~Pam~~