Hi everyone. Today I was reminded all over again that I'm powerless over other people, and that is still a really hard lesson for me to learn. I had a long talk with my husband and we got some things out about our marriage and how we both were feeling, which was good. But then when I noticed he sounded kind of down I mentioned it and he told me he was struggling with his depression again. What scares me is that he said that he knows if he doesn't get help that he might hurt himself one day.....I've been through one suicide "attempt" with him before and it was the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life. (for him too, I'm sure!) He says that he's not planning to kill himself or anything, just that he gets so down sometimes that he can't see much of a reason to keep going. Well, even though I was scared to death, I just prayed and prayed and ended up telling him all that I'd been through with my own depression, and the things that I do to make myself feel better. He thanked me and assured me he wasn't planning on doing anything about it, and soon we hung up. But I'm still feeling scared because he has no support system whatsoever and I don't know that he ever will get one either.
I just hope and pray that he will get back into counseling and eventually find the right medication. On top of that, I pray that he will find good friends, some sort of support group (if that's right for him), and that he'll start doing things that make him feel good like walking, eating better, etc. etc. I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him or save him from this, and so I'm coming here to write about it because I need to get it out of my head and because I'd love it if you guys could include him in your prayers right now.
This is definitely a let go and let God thing so I'm turning him over and hoping that someday God will fill him with hope so that he can see his way out of this.
Since I don't live with active alcoholism anymore, I'd forgotten what it was like to worry about a loved one this much. sigh.....
Thanks for listening you guys.
Hugs, Tracy
cdb said
Feb 20, 2005
Autumnangel,
Prayers are on the way for both you and your husband. I too suffer from depression and even though I have never tried to end my life, I have thoughts of it when the depression is bad. I give you alot of credit for talking to your husband about it because my husband is not open to talking to me about my depression or thoughts. I talk to a psychologist which I am told helps with not going through with plans. Ever since I had a nervous breakdown ( or whatever it was) 10 years ago, I have had to fight those type of thoughts. I wish they wouldn't come to my mind but the doctors say it is part of depression and I will probably always have them and will have to live with them and cope. And yes, a person can act on them at any known time too. I have learned to identify my red flags so that I know when to reach out when I know my mind is not thinking clearly. There are some people though that can use ending their life as a form of manipulation too so it is hard to know what to do. Your husband should reach out to others too. What I have done with people I know that have the same thoughts is make sure they have the appropriate phone numbers etc. to call for help. It is too much on a friendship or relationship to be the only one they call for help. These friends of mine know my boundaries and won't put the pressure on me when they are at that frame of mind. This is a much healtier way for them and me. I do understand your situation and husband even though I am not an alcoholic. I know my daughter who is the A has wanted to end her life and during black outs has talked about attempting to or recently tried to cut her wrist with a dull object or jump out of a fast moving car! She doesn't even remember this but thank God she is in inpatient treatment now and on antidepressants. Again, I will say prayers! cdb
TLC2 said
Feb 20, 2005
Hi there! I have been taking a mild anti-depressant for nearly 20 years! My Physicitrist (sp?), who I have only seen twice, told me it is a chemical imbalance in my body that is in my genes.If they change the med, or if I try to go off them, I plummet so bad it scares me. It is an old med, and also cheap. I have tried the other, newer ones, but they don't work. Elavil keeps me on an even keel, and is not supposed to be addictive. Just my 2cents worth...TLC
Gngr said
Feb 20, 2005
Hi Autumn Angel I will definitely keep your husband in my thoughts and praywers but I will also keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care and I wish you the best!
Gngr
autumnangel said
Feb 21, 2005
{{{Everyone}}},
Thank you for all of your posts and for sharing your own stories with me. I have depression too but lately have found a good combo of medicines and feel better than I have in years. I'm hoping and praying that God will take care of my husband and lead him to the right meds as well. In the meantime, he's in HIS hands and I have to try to let go of my worries and not take them back. (easier said then done.)
Anyway, it means alot to have a place to share and to have your feedback. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone w/ this.
Hugs, Tracy
gardengal said
Feb 21, 2005
Powerless, unfortunately yes. However, "helpless" we are not. We are powerless over people, places, and things. To admit we cannot control the life or actions of a dear one may be difficult, but the first step in alanon is essential if we are to solve our problem.Turning our attention to the task of managing our" own lives" which has become unmangeable and "unimaginable", we can admit that we cannot control no people places or things ,,except ourselves, and we recieve relief from the tension and anxiety when we stop trying to contol another. Keep coming back and keep the focus where it belongs,,on ourselves.,,,,,,,,gardengal
Hi everyone. Today I was reminded all over again that I'm powerless over other people, and that is still a really hard lesson for me to learn. I had a long talk with my husband and we got some things out about our marriage and how we both were feeling, which was good. But then when I noticed he sounded kind of down I mentioned it and he told me he was struggling with his depression again. What scares me is that he said that he knows if he doesn't get help that he might hurt himself one day.....I've been through one suicide "attempt" with him before and it was the scariest thing I've ever been through in my life. (for him too, I'm sure!) He says that he's not planning to kill himself or anything, just that he gets so down sometimes that he can't see much of a reason to keep going. Well, even though I was scared to death, I just prayed and prayed and ended up telling him all that I'd been through with my own depression, and the things that I do to make myself feel better. He thanked me and assured me he wasn't planning on doing anything about it, and soon we hung up. But I'm still feeling scared because he has no support system whatsoever and I don't know that he ever will get one either.
I just hope and pray that he will get back into counseling and eventually find the right medication. On top of that, I pray that he will find good friends, some sort of support group (if that's right for him), and that he'll start doing things that make him feel good like walking, eating better, etc. etc. I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to help him or save him from this, and so I'm coming here to write about it because I need to get it out of my head and because I'd love it if you guys could include him in your prayers right now.
This is definitely a let go and let God thing so I'm turning him over and hoping that someday God will fill him with hope so that he can see his way out of this.
Since I don't live with active alcoholism anymore, I'd forgotten what it was like to worry about a loved one this much. sigh.....
Thanks for listening you guys.
Hugs,
Tracy
Autumnangel,
Prayers are on the way for both you and your husband. I too suffer from depression and even though I have never tried to end my life, I have thoughts of it when the depression is bad. I give you alot of credit for talking to your husband about it because my husband is not open to talking to me about my depression or thoughts. I talk to a psychologist which I am told helps with not going through with plans. Ever since I had a nervous breakdown ( or whatever it was) 10 years ago, I have had to fight those type of thoughts. I wish they wouldn't come to my mind but the doctors say it is part of depression and I will probably always have them and will have to live with them and cope. And yes, a person can act on them at any known time too. I have learned to identify my red flags so that I know when to reach out when I know my mind is not thinking clearly. There are some people though that can use ending their life as a form of manipulation too so it is hard to know what to do. Your husband should reach out to others too. What I have done with people I know that have the same thoughts is make sure they have the appropriate phone numbers etc. to call for help. It is too much on a friendship or relationship to be the only one they call for help. These friends of mine know my boundaries and won't put the pressure on me when they are at that frame of mind. This is a much healtier way for them and me. I do understand your situation and husband even though I am not an alcoholic. I know my daughter who is the A has wanted to end her life and during black outs has talked about attempting to or recently tried to cut her wrist with a dull object or jump out of a fast moving car! She doesn't even remember this but thank God she is in inpatient treatment now and on antidepressants. Again, I will say prayers! cdb
Hi Autumn Angel I will definitely keep your husband in my thoughts and praywers but I will also keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care and I wish you the best!
Gngr
{{{Everyone}}},
Thank you for all of your posts and for sharing your own stories with me. I have depression too but lately have found a good combo of medicines and feel better than I have in years. I'm hoping and praying that God will take care of my husband and lead him to the right meds as well. In the meantime, he's in HIS hands and I have to try to let go of my worries and not take them back. (easier said then done.)
Anyway, it means alot to have a place to share and to have your feedback. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone w/ this.
Hugs,
Tracy