Even when codependents recognize the problem for what it is,,, they often make the mistake of trying to control their partners consumption----- the amount the alcoholic drinks or uses--while fighting desperately to keep the bottom from falling out from under the family.

They may count drinks, water whiskey, pour it out. They may hide a stash or flush pills down the toilet.

All that usually succeeds in doing is to drive the drinking or drug use underground.

Then they can only guess about the extent of the actual use. And since chemical dependency tends toward increasing levels of use, a dependent persons behaviour often becomes less predictable and more unrealiable.

The result? The web of stress and unhappiness their partners live inside gets tighter all the time.

If you need proof try juggling a partners dysfunctional moods and demands with one hand, while balancing an overdrawn chequebook, bewildered friends and angry family, and one's own anxiety and depression with the other.

Perhaps the worst feeling of all is the guilty fear that maybe the dependent partner wouldnt drink or use so much if he or she was a better partner, better lover, better person, better at everything.

Of course, thats crazy. But thats often the way it is.

Hope this helps,,,,,,,,,gardengal

Hello gardengal,

Oh yes, this post did help! Even though my daughter in inpatient now, the fact is she will probably have relapses when she gets out. Not only that but she will be 21 in June! Yikes! So, I needed to hear what you just posted because drinking or not drinking will still be her choice and the last thing I want to do is to drive her disease underground. I have learned so much here on the message board! cdb