Just talked with my daughter and she asked if we were going to pay for her impact weekend that was ordered by the court. She has to complete that as well as get her GED in order to get off from probation. She is scheduled to get off probation in March. We have helped her with many of her court fines, etc. but I figured she needs to be accountable for some of this. She does not have a job yet and as far as I'm concerned, she is being a little picky about what jobs she will take. She also does not have her license yet so I know it is difficult to get around and find a job, but I think she could do more than she has. She is currently on unemployment, that runs out in several weeks I think. At any rate, she says that they may put her in jail if she doesn't have her probation requirements done in time. I think she tells me stuff like this so that I will panick and then pay her fines. It just doesn't make sense that they would put someone back in jail because they didn't have the money to pay for court ordered stuff like the impact weekend. Wouldn't it make more sense to extend the time that the person is on probation. I think it is just fine with me if her probation is extended. If anyone has any knowledge of this, I'd appreciate some feedback. Thanks.
KathyS said
Feb 16, 2005
As the saying goes.........If they're not in recovery and their lips are moving - they are lying.
I have never known a case where they put a person back in jail who legitimately did not have a means of paying court ordered payments or meeting court ordered requirments. However, they WILL put you in jail if you do have the means of paying are are choosing not to comply.
If your daughter is healthy in body, than she has the means to get a job. If she chooses not to, and waits on you (or someone else) to come to her rescue and suffer her consequences in her place (by giving money to pay for something that is HER responsibility to pay), than she is in effect choosing to risk going to jail.
Let HER suffer the consequences of her actions. If she's not allowed to suffer, if her saviours keep jumping up and saving her, she'll never have any reason to change, and will continue to progress with this disease.
cdb said
Feb 16, 2005
Hello KathyKelly,
Boy does your daughter sound like mine! Mine is now 20 going on 21 and she owes us over a thousand dollars and hasn't made one payment! Some courts let her make monthly payments according to what she could pay,,,,some as low as $10.00 a month. You did not say how old your daughter is. For one court over a year ago I would end up paying the payment so there would not be a warrant out for my daughter's arrest. Now, with alanon, I see how I should have let her get re-arrested to learn a lesson since she is older and still doesn't get it. Probably due to her parent's, us, always rescuing her. WE are better at not rescuing her but still not doing it all right. I see too that going to jail instead of paying is a good way for them to make restitution since my daughter has been brought to jail 3 times now since 18 and still hasn't hit bottom. WE use to worry she would end up in prison but now almost want that result if that is what it takes to get her to stop drinking! The inpatient place she is at now doesn't believe jail is the place for them to be,,,but I can argue the point too. The only reason she is in inpatient now is that we threatened and were going to committ her to treatment since she has become a danger to herself and others. She did sign herself in herself and thanks to us she is still on our insurance. WE only pray and hope that she is there for herself this time. We have also accepted the idea that she may have to file bankruptcy and if that happens she is young. She still is not showing responsibility for her bills and has wrecked her credit. We are learning to sit back and let all this happen now but it is not easy! WE do see it now as backing off as a way of saving her life or should I say getting her to save her own life! She has had 5 minor in consumptions since she turned 18 and some disorderly conducts,resisting arrest all due to her alcoholism and drug addiction. I hate what is happening to my daughter! I am learning to hate it more what my husband and I have done to continue her to be ill too. Please keep us updated on how things are going. cdb
cdb said
Feb 16, 2005
Hello KathyKelly,
I found out my daughter did plead guilty in court today for the charges of disorderly conduct and minor in consumption when my husband and I called the police on her a couple weeks ago. The judge was told how she is doing inpatient now so she was given one option of two. She could either pay the court $300.00 or do 60 hours of community service work which figures the same at about $5.00 per hour. She decided to do the community service work which she has done for other courts before. I think they should have to do the service work with victims of drunk driving or something but that is just my wish. Thanks for your reply to my post above. I am amazed at how similiar our daughters's lives seem. My daughter recently admitted that pot/weed is the drug of her choice but that she has found that pot/weed isn't giving her the buzz it use to. What a surprise that was for me to hear since alcohol is what has gotten her into all her legal problems. My daughter has not lived with us for most of her life since she turned 18. She has managed to get into different relationships and always find a place to live. She also has lived in many different towns and 3 different states since she turned 18. She did have 2 apartment landlords take her lease in the last town she was in where she was really doing well with her recovery. WE also had told her we will not co-sign any lease too and we are sorry we co-signed 2 college deal loans for her at a cost of $6,000. since we will have to be the ones to make the 10 year payments so she doesn't screw up our credit.
The lady that colored my hair the other day who I admire told me she use to have a drug problem at the same age. All I can say is if my daughter were to turn out like her with her kids and husband etc. then I will be happy. Thus, I know there is still hope that our daughters' can turn their lives around if they so choose. cdb
As the saying goes.........If they're not in recovery and their lips are moving - they are lying.
I have never known a case where they put a person back in jail who legitimately did not have a means of paying court ordered payments or meeting court ordered requirments. However, they WILL put you in jail if you do have the means of paying are are choosing not to comply.
If your daughter is healthy in body, than she has the means to get a job. If she chooses not to, and waits on you (or someone else) to come to her rescue and suffer her consequences in her place (by giving money to pay for something that is HER responsibility to pay), than she is in effect choosing to risk going to jail.
Let HER suffer the consequences of her actions. If she's not allowed to suffer, if her saviours keep jumping up and saving her, she'll never have any reason to change, and will continue to progress with this disease.
Hello KathyKelly,
Boy does your daughter sound like mine! Mine is now 20 going on 21 and she owes us over a thousand dollars and hasn't made one payment! Some courts let her make monthly payments according to what she could pay,,,,some as low as $10.00 a month. You did not say how old your daughter is. For one court over a year ago I would end up paying the payment so there would not be a warrant out for my daughter's arrest. Now, with alanon, I see how I should have let her get re-arrested to learn a lesson since she is older and still doesn't get it. Probably due to her parent's, us, always rescuing her. WE are better at not rescuing her but still not doing it all right. I see too that going to jail instead of paying is a good way for them to make restitution since my daughter has been brought to jail 3 times now since 18 and still hasn't hit bottom. WE use to worry she would end up in prison but now almost want that result if that is what it takes to get her to stop drinking! The inpatient place she is at now doesn't believe jail is the place for them to be,,,but I can argue the point too. The only reason she is in inpatient now is that we threatened and were going to committ her to treatment since she has become a danger to herself and others. She did sign herself in herself and thanks to us she is still on our insurance. WE only pray and hope that she is there for herself this time. We have also accepted the idea that she may have to file bankruptcy and if that happens she is young. She still is not showing responsibility for her bills and has wrecked her credit. We are learning to sit back and let all this happen now but it is not easy! WE do see it now as backing off as a way of saving her life or should I say getting her to save her own life! She has had 5 minor in consumptions since she turned 18 and some disorderly conducts,resisting arrest all due to her alcoholism and drug addiction. I hate what is happening to my daughter! I am learning to hate it more what my husband and I have done to continue her to be ill too. Please keep us updated on how things are going. cdb
Hello KathyKelly,
I found out my daughter did plead guilty in court today for the charges of disorderly conduct and minor in consumption when my husband and I called the police on her a couple weeks ago. The judge was told how she is doing inpatient now so she was given one option of two. She could either pay the court $300.00 or do 60 hours of community service work which figures the same at about $5.00 per hour. She decided to do the community service work which she has done for other courts before. I think they should have to do the service work with victims of drunk driving or something but that is just my wish. Thanks for your reply to my post above. I am amazed at how similiar our daughters's lives seem. My daughter recently admitted that pot/weed is the drug of her choice but that she has found that pot/weed isn't giving her the buzz it use to. What a surprise that was for me to hear since alcohol is what has gotten her into all her legal problems. My daughter has not lived with us for most of her life since she turned 18. She has managed to get into different relationships and always find a place to live. She also has lived in many different towns and 3 different states since she turned 18. She did have 2 apartment landlords take her lease in the last town she was in where she was really doing well with her recovery. WE also had told her we will not co-sign any lease too and we are sorry we co-signed 2 college deal loans for her at a cost of $6,000. since we will have to be the ones to make the 10 year payments so she doesn't screw up our credit.
The lady that colored my hair the other day who I admire told me she use to have a drug problem at the same age. All I can say is if my daughter were to turn out like her with her kids and husband etc. then I will be happy. Thus, I know there is still hope that our daughters' can turn their lives around if they so choose. cdb