My face to face meetings are few these days. It's get up early and leave the house before dark. Drop the youngest off at daycare, then drop the older two at a school, then get to work. About an hour commute all together depending on traffic. At the end of the day it's the opposite and get home after dark. There's one meeting on Tuesday so if there's something going on at that time we're done until next week. 

My phone list has been a lifeline. 

Sitting at my XAW's rehab house while she gets in a final visit with our three children before she heads out of state for a few weeks. She's better but still has many of the bad habits, attitudes and dishonesty that made it difficult to live with her before. She apparently has an apartment set up in town and is returning in a few weeks. 

I'm calling 2018 the year of uncertainty. Don't know if she'll actually come back. Don't know if she'll stay sober. Probably have to sell our house. Want to keep full custody, seems like there's a good chance that can happen but no guarantee. 

I have to keep the focus on me. Be present and not trying to figure out what's in her head or what she's going to do. 

((Westman))) Continued Prayers for you and your family.

The real work come in living just in the moment letting go of the unknown future and the past which is past.  Living in the now is a recovery art form and when I finally go it I let no invitations take me back into my past and forward into the uncertain future...the rest?  I turned it over to my Higher Power and time with my sponsor and the fellowship...Keep on keeping on Westman (((hugs))) 

These days my constant prayer is to keep the focus on myself. This is so difficult to do right now. It's constantly trying to game out what she's thinking or motivations are, what the next little trick is that she's going to pull. What's the next lie she's going to tell? I still feel so shaken after our last encounters that I won't be in the same space as her without someone else present. 

Thank you. I thought perhaps I should list a few successes. It's not all doom and gloom. In our visitation agreement I gave an extra day but she has to get the kids to the Al-Ateen meeting on time. That's something I've struggled to do getting off work late and picking everyone up. Six months ago she would have fought tooth and nail to keep them out of those meetings and I was so ashamed that I probably wouldn't have tried very hard. Progress for both of us. 

I've seen the program work over and over. With ridiculous little things like when I was about to have a complete breakdown in the grocery store because I couldn't find the right treat thirty minutes before my daughter's birthday celebration. I turned it over to my HP and it worked out. And with bigger more serious things too. 

I keep being fed by reading C2C most days. 

While there are things I'm unhappy about I'm continuing to take steps to make positive changes in my life. Some spiritual like working Step2, praying and turning more over to HP. Physical, signed up for a fitness challenge at work. Financial, I'm using a pretty neat budgeting tool (YNAB if you're interested) that was recommended by a friend. I am only able to be present in the moment a few seconds at a time. May sound silly but that's an enormous improvement. Maybe someday I'll make it a full minute. 

 Good news Westman...!!!

                                       Being present takes time... and for me a long time.

I do believe that the younger we are the easier it is... so I suppose you have  head start on me... lovely for you to share your journey!!!

Hope...!!! ,,,